SRS Just Venting: About a Girl

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Legend Zero, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    I've known this girl for awhile now, since sophomore year of high school, and I am now a 5th year senior in college. From the first time I met her, I liked her, I mean really liked her.

    Throughout HS, she was always there for me. I went through a pretty brutal depressive state during HS and she was the person who stayed up with me to talk about my problems. I even started to cut for awhile, and she was there to console me during those times, and try to steer me away from that nasty habit. I had never felt so close & so loved by any other person in my life.

    Throughout this, i told her how i felt about her, and she had told me that she didn't have any feelings in return. We even talked about my feelings all the time, and she gave that typical HS response, what good would it be to going out anyway? Friends last forever, while boyfriends are only permanent. I accepted it.

    Freshman year of college, I was still into her. I couldn't get the idea of her out of my head, someone who I felt so close too. Often I would almost imagine having conversations with her. During the day when events occurred, I would imagine myself telling her about it, although I never would, cause she wasn't my girlfriend.

    Slowly by slowly that is dying down. But still, even now, it is not completely gone and I have these "imaginative wanting of talks" almost. Fast forwarding to now, where she has a boyfriend and she is happy. I just can't get over it, over her. But the thing that pisses me off the most is she is not like who she used to be, and I understand that. I can see it, how she is a different person, not the same girl I knew from back in HS, the same girl I was so into.

    However, every time I see her, I can only see her in that light. I know I would never want to be with this women, who she is now, but I just don't see her as who she is right now. I always find a way to imagine her as the way she used to be, the way when I was so close to her. It just kills me, because it makes it so difficult to hang out with her, talk to her, be around her without thinking of how she used to be and that as my vision of her.

    It's frustrating because I guess I am not over her, but I don't like her as the person she is now, but I can't get it through my head that she is different. I still want to be with her, knowing full well that she is a different person, not someone I'd want to be with, but I don't know.

    Thank you for those who read it through, I realize there is no question I am asking, but as the thread title says, I am just venting. Any opinions, similar stories, whatever would be greatly appreciated.

    :hs:
     
  2. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    I've gone through the same thing.

    You arent in love with her. you are in love with who she USED to be. Even if she decided she loved you and wanted to try a relationship, problems will arrise because she isnt the person you are actually in love with.

    Settle with being friends, a lot less people will be hurt by it.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This is just silly. You are just in love with the idea of her at this point. You even claim you know she is taken and happy, so maybe now it's time you reflect on why you are using her as a crutch.

    First off, you need to cut her fom your life for now.
    Second, you need to get help (psychologist) since you obviously have issues that you need someone to spill to.
    Thirdly, while cutting her out of your life for a while you need to force yourself to meet new people/women.
     
  4. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    I dont think you need to cut her out of your life. thats definitly the most productive/best way to do it and is the advice most commonly given, but it may not be needed. you just need to accept that fact that like Iwishyouwerebber said, you are in love with the idea of her. the perfect girl you can talk to and be comfortible around. But you said even that is changing. so change with it. Go out and find someone else who can be right for you. And dont say you have, because you may have gone out and met new people, but you havent actually tried to find someone new, you are still caught up on this girl.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I respectfully disagree.

    Until he cuts this girl out of his life for a while ("out of sight, out of mind") he's going to continue trying to turn to her for emotional support and will never even be able to look at another woman in a romantic way. She's obviously never going to see him in a sexual light. He needs to learn to not only deal with things himself, but also find a better outlet when he needs to gush.
     
  6. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    I know, and I've realized that slowly. Like i said, over the years, I have went from having vivid images of wanting to talk to her, to not. But Time is a curse that takes it's sweet time, and sometimes that simply sucks. :hsd:

    Very true. Like I said, knowing who she is now, and how she acts is not even the person I once liked, like, whatever. But it's just so difficult to stop viewing her in that manner, like I have to constantly remind myself, prove to myself, that she is a changed person, and NOT, the person who I was sought after.

    Meeting people has always been a problem for me. I'd agree with you on cutting her off i posted this 5 years ago when I was reminiscing hardcore and her and I would still talk on the phone hours on end every week, or see each other all through the night every week, but realistically, as adolescence grows into adulthood, those stages disappear and the friendship is a lot less "relationship" like now, and simply, friendship like.

    I could honestly never cut her from my life, we have been friends for 8 or some odd years now, and she is one of my closest friends, who knows the most about me and my past. I could not cut someone like that out of my life on my behalf.

    Quite honestly, like I said, as the years continue, the adolescence stage grows into adulthood, the idea of friendship has such a strange twist, that I don't even know if we will be friends into the future. People begin to care more about their own family and career's and friend's are no longer the priority they once were, they take a back side and enter lives on holiday's and special events. Part of the reasoning for creating this thread is me seeing that, and I guess, I don't want that to happen.

    I don't know, your advice is the same advice i'd give to myself, but after so many years, some people can't simply be tossed aside.

    I am trying. This semester I have been more outgoing, trying to meet girls, etc. I just have many self confidence issues and so it's a matter of working on those, at the same time as trying to meet new people, specifically females. :hs:

    Just to recap, this was definitely true 2-3 years ago, but is no longer the case. I used to always go to her as my emotional outlet, but I've cut that out years ago with her. I guess I still wish I had her emotional support, but I know I don't, because as I said, she is a changed person in that regard, and no longer provides me the emotional well being that she once used too. I have one other friend who I can talk to, and honestly, my other emotional outlet, is kind of OT. :hs:
     
  7. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    "You can't get over her"? You never even had her. She even made it clear that she doesn't see you as a BF. You need to move on. There's no point in hanging out with her anymore.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Wow...

    :hug:

    I know part of you doesn't even want to get over her.

    But to the other part of you, the part that does want to get over her:

    If you take action to date other people, casually, or otherwise, you will get there much faster. At the very least, you will find out what it's like to be into somebody who is also into you, which is a feeling that you will never compare unfavorably to the feeling of unrequited romantic interest.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I never said to cut her from your life for ALL TIME and never speak to her again. I said you need to cut her out of your day to day life for now because you continue (and will continue) to use her as a crutch for the rest of your days since you don't seem to have any willpower.

    Yes, it is tough to push yourself to move on and meet new people. But it's what you have to do, otherwise you're going to be miserable and alone most likely continuing down the path you are choosing now.
     
  10. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    thank you. at some point, I WILL be there. :hsd:
     

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