SRS Just saw the ex again after 2 months of no contact

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by killer4605, Oct 29, 2006.

  1. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    So I finally had time to drop my ex's shit off at her place tonight. Saw her for about 2 minutes... was nerve racking because 2 months ago I left a 4 page letter in her room basically pouring my heart out.. this was the first time she's been back home and has had the chance to read it. She didn't mention a thing.

    Gave her her shit back, took back my cologne bottle, said goodbye and walked out.

    Sucks though because although I want her in my life, I honestly don't think I can handle being friends or even talking to her.
     
  2. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    Not seeing her or talking to her would probably be the best in this situation.
     
  3. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    I don't plan on breaking no contact with her... but if she does... it will be damn hard to say no to talking or meeting up. I doubt that will happen though. Certainly seemed like she didn't give a shit tonight. Guess she's moved on with the new guy.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You certainly have it bad. Even after all that...you'd still lap it up if she threw you some leftover crumbs off her table?

    Come on, have some self-respect. The only thing that's saving you, is that she doesn't seem to give a F about you anymore.
     
  5. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Okay. Bottom line, she isn't interested.
    You really can't beat that. What sucks eggs is you are. That is an emotional thing. We may be advising you to 'just get over it' - we mean well - but we all know that emotions don't work like that.

    The only way to really get over it is with time. It is that 'time heals all' thing.
    Here is what you do.
    Find something that you think is fun but it is completly self centered. You know, that thing that when you are in a relationship you do it barely at all if ever - but you secretly miss.
    My own example would be videogames.

    If it were me, I would blow the dust off Oblivion (bought it like 2 months ago but haven't found the time for it) and I wouldn't come out of my apartment until I had finished it.

    The point is to be completly self centered for a period of time.
    Now is the time to level up your EQ2 character 20 levels.

    Sooner or later you will get bored with it, you will enter the sunlight, time will have gone by and you will be ready to be past this thing.

    The wrong solution is to keep brooding on it. Hence I recomend you distract yourself with something self centered.
     
  6. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    I left the letter months ago... it was my means of getting closure. I wrote it knowing she wouldn't see it for many weeks later. It just made it easier to get some things off my chest.

    It's very hard for me to justify cutting relations permanently with her. I know it must be done for now (for my sake)... but the more I think about it the more I start to think it is immature and stupid. Why should I hold a grudge because she has feelings for someone else and wants to pursue that? We're both very young... and although I was ready to ask for her hand in marriage, it would not have been in anyone's best interest. It is for the better that we broke up. It has made me much more outgoing and social at my new university... it has taught me that I don't need any one person in my life to be happy.

    I know she still cares... probably not as much as I do, but she is still human with emotions. Cutting her off was MY choice. I did it for ME. I come on here to vent and say the things I am feeling at the moment... not necessarily what I will do or how I feel overall. I know that I am better off now and the only reason she hasn't had to deal with the things that I went/am going through is she jumped straight from me to the new guy. That's fine. It will make me a stronger person in the long run and when it ends with him she will be SOL.

    I went 2 months without her in my life and there wasn't a single depressed moment... all this bullshit... all these emotions... they just came pouring back after I saw her again. I know i'll get over her... I know it will pass just like before. I've already accepted the possibility that things will never work out between us (friendship or otherwise). But yeah, it still hurts to think about it.

    Oh, and just to specifically address the latter portion of your quote:
    Just last week I was telling myself that even if she broke up with that guy and came crawling back to me I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her. Things change. It is easier said than done once you are looking into the eyes of the person you love(d). I thought I could do it before... after tonight, I have my doubts. I don't know if you recall but she did IM me a while back wanting to be friends again... throwing out "crumbs", so to speak... and if you remember, I told her no.

    Anyways, like I said, I'm not breaking the no-contact stalemate and i'm pretty sure by the time she does, I won't give 2 shits about her anymore. Looking back now, I still love her but I feel much different towards her now than I did before I cut her off. Had I gone to give her her stuff back then I probably would have been a little bitch about it and teared up. When I saw her today I was pretty distant... still smiled and laughed but almost as if we were complete strangers. If anything she probably thinks I don't care about her anymore.

    And Johan, thanks for your input... you've been with me since day 1 of my problems with this girl. I appreciate your advice greatly.
     
  7. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    I'll be set once I go back to my university. Plenty of friends and frat stuff to keep me busy. I swear pledging was the best decision i've made thus far in my life. Before them, I turned to drugs to keep my mind off her.
     
  8. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    by the way, she just facebooked me.

    Do you guys think I should bother with a response? Take advantage of this and get a few words in or ignore it?
     
  9. 18c

    18c Guest

    no need to reply just stop thinking about it
     
  10. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Do not write back.. what is done is DONE, be done with her do not continue to hurt yourself wondering if there is something between you two in the future, just stop thinking about it. DO NOT DO DRUGS to get your mind off of her, what the hell are you thinking? That WILL make things worst. Don't you dare think for a minute that will do you good, once the "high" is off, you'll feel like shit again, you will be returned to reality and then if you continue you will open up a another world of addicition to worry about.
     
  11. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Mistakes of the past... I don't do (hard) drugs anymore. Bowl here or there and a cig every now and then.

    I decided to write her back. Basically said that even though I meant everything I wrote in the letter, it was doubtful we would see each other again. Told her to take care of herself and that's it. No I love you or any of that shit.

    But yeah, what's done is done. There's no going back to what we had in the past. It is time to accept that and move on to bigger and better things.
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    why did you even write her back? What are you going to do if she responds again?

    You seem to have problems with literally cutting off contact with this girl. Seriously, it's completely normal to cut off contact after a breakup...heck, I even think it's a healthy part of the process of getting over someone. If you get back into contact with her before you are over her, its just going to bring up weird stuff, and you will pretty much have to start over again.
     
  13. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    It sounds like youve just had a difficult breakup. What may seem now to be a horrible situation might be something you can grow and learn from. It is painful now, but in 5 years youll be looking back and laughing. Things werent meant to be. but that doesnt mean that you wont be able to move on and find someone new.
     
  14. stillmatic

    stillmatic New Member

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    same situation as you, i know it hurts, i am a better person because of her, but if it wasn't for her i don't know where i would be. she saved my life. i could be in jail or dead. i miss her everyday because she made me who i am today. and i know she wants me to move on. if you even care about YOURSELF you have to put this behind you.

    Its alright to look back in the rearview mirror, but don't drive back where you came from.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    :rofl: god that's good. Take advantage of this and get a few words in? Who do you think you're talking to here, everyone can see your true motivation in this.

    You're still madly hung up on her. Get a few words in? Please. As if you're about to tell her off, or give her a piece of your mind or even "set the record straight".

    Your only motivation is to look got any possible opening to finagle your way back into her life.

    Wow. Well...since you seem so hell bent on this... Go for it. See where it takes you.
     
  16. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    In other words...

    She's using you, and knows she can get away with it. She'll probably offer just enough for you to keep coming back...when you get tired of pursuing her in a fruiless chase, she'll dangle a little something to get you to come back again.

    You're not going to get back together with her...so why are you still pursuing her? She's just playing with you, and most likely LOVING the attention you're giving her.
     
  17. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    This was her reply
    And no, i'm not taking the bait. I've got nothing left to say to her (other than a go fuck yourself, but we all know I'm not going to say that). I had a long drive back here to my apartment... plenty of time to get my thoughts together and clear my head. Reading her message now (after the drive), it's clear to me that she is fine with our current situation... she wants me to come back to her because I need her not because she wants me. Not going to happen.
     
  18. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Perhaps it was my motivation at the time... anyone who's been through a break up knows how difficult it is to cut things off with someone you love.

    Yeah, i'm still in love with her... Yeah, i'm hung up on her. Am I willing to go back to the bullshit of her dating another guy and only seeing me when he doesn't have time for her? Fuck no.

    This most likely wouldn't have happened if I had given her her stuff back immediately after cutting contact with her a few months ago... my mistake. I got sucked back into the emotional roller coaster. It's ok though... you live and learn and grow to become a stronger and better person.

    Trust me johan, i've already "gone for it" and seen where it took me. I don't want to be in that position again as long as I care for her the way I do now. Friends later? We'll see. As for now, we will continue to go our separate ways.
     
  19. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Another update. She msged me again (I never replied to her last msg).

    I took her off my facebook a few weeks ago... guess she just saw it.

    I'm pretty sure she's just trying to get me to talk to her. The last thing I said to her before cutting off communication a few months ago was "I don't want to be just friends". She knows why I took her off.
     
  20. SpaMan

    SpaMan Mind over matter.

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    Oh man that seals it, if anything if you just ignore her it'll be giving her a taste of her own medicine. She's being coy and probably wants you to gush over her again so she can shut you down again. It'll be a one sided relationship.
     
  21. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    I don't really have anything to say to her... not going to respond to her messages. It's pointless really. What am I going to get out of it except more heartache? I'm glad to be back here at my university with all my friends... today was definitely a good one and the only times I thought about my ex were when I was telling my buds what had happened. Anywho, right now I just don't give a shit. Somehow a switch flipped in my head... can't really explain it. Definitely feels good to be out of the hole again though :big grin:
     
  22. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    You need some strange. Seriously. If you have a bowl every onece in awhile you should know plenty of party girls...
     
  23. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If you do respond, just tell the truth: It's too painful for you to talk to her right now. You really don't need to say anything more than that.
     
  24. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Some strange?
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    i think he's implying that if you have some weed, you can get some sluty girl with it.

    Go for it, if that's what you want.
     

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