I finally met someone just like me and much to my dismay, it isn’t a good thing. He says fate brought us together, I prefer the word destiny. I think it sounds better, to me fate carries a negative connotation. The problem is that it has only been a month, and I feel like I love him. I don’t want to love him because I know that love can ultimately end in pain and suffering. Yes, I am young so maybe that is the reasoning behind my thought processes. But I have had plenty of life experiences and a few long-term relationships, so I know what it is like to care for someone. I’ve questioned my feelings and come to the conclusion that maybe it is the whole newness thing. Up until recently, we have been in the “honeymoon state”. I don’t remember liking someone this much so early, but maybe my mind has faded as the memories have been replaced. Being with him has made me realize my bad qualities. It made me realize how much I can use people for my personal gain. It has made me realize how narcissistic I am. Narcissistic more in the “I can’t take blame for anything” way rather than “I’m so hot”. Meeting “me” has made me realize the sick and twisted games I play. I don’t do it on purpose, it is just my way of coping. I want to hurt people so they can’t hurt me. Or at least so I can justify it when I get broken down and torn into nothing. I am now realizing how much of a hypocrite I am. It is okay for me to do all the bad things, but it isn’t okay for him to do the same. He is everything I don’t want, but I need him more than I need anything else.