SRS Just Ranting...My Relationship

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AQT4u2NV, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    I finally met someone just like me and much to my dismay, it isn’t a good thing. He says fate brought us together, I prefer the word destiny. I think it sounds better, to me fate carries a negative connotation. The problem is that it has only been a month, and I feel like I love him. I don’t want to love him because I know that love can ultimately end in pain and suffering. Yes, I am young so maybe that is the reasoning behind my thought processes. But I have had plenty of life experiences and a few long-term relationships, so I know what it is like to care for someone. I’ve questioned my feelings and come to the conclusion that maybe it is the whole newness thing. Up until recently, we have been in the “honeymoon state”. I don’t remember liking someone this much so early, but maybe my mind has faded as the memories have been replaced. Being with him has made me realize my bad qualities. It made me realize how much I can use people for my personal gain. It has made me realize how narcissistic I am. Narcissistic more in the “I can’t take blame for anything” way rather than “I’m so hot”. Meeting “me” has made me realize the sick and twisted games I play. I don’t do it on purpose, it is just my way of coping. I want to hurt people so they can’t hurt me. Or at least so I can justify it when I get broken down and torn into nothing. I am now realizing how much of a hypocrite I am. It is okay for me to do all the bad things, but it isn’t okay for him to do the same. He is everything I don’t want, but I need him more than I need anything else.
     
  2. Aviv

    Aviv OT Supporter

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    What exactly is it about him that you don't want? He seems like a decent guy, but you're the one who is afraid to fall for someone.
     
  3. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    Really into drugs and drinking alot, which isn't something I need in my life right now. He is 20 and is just starting to get back into the swing of going to school. I am 19 and by the time the semester is done, I will have 66 credit hours. He will have 6.
     
  4. Aviv

    Aviv OT Supporter

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    OK, so if he does drugs, drinks excessively, and seems to be a deadbeat in school, then he's not someone who you should be thinking about for your future. I mean, some people just aren't cut out for school, but it seems that the drugs and booze may play a role in his case.

    Consider yourself lucky that you're realizing this early in the relationship rather than 3-5 years down the road. And hurting someone in order to prevent yourself from being hurt isn't a bad thing, as long as you have good reason to believe that you'll in fact eventually be hurt. And it seems that you do.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Well, you might want to use this to your advantage. If you see things about yourself you don't like, then why don't you take this opportunity to change them? Put another way: if you don't change and this relationship doesn't work out, you will be no better off then than you are now.

    Why do you feel it's ok for you to 'do all the bad things' but he can't?
     
  6. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    It is just me being a hypocrite. Like if I want to go have a few drinks with my friends, it should be okay. If he doesn't let me, he is holding me back. But if he wants to do it, I get jealous and think he doesn't like me. Stuff like that...Double standards
     
  7. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    This is off-topic.... but you are REALLY well spoken for a 19 year old.
     
  8. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    I have had more life experiences in 19 years than many people have their entire life. I understand that everyone goes through different things, and in no way am I implying that certain situations are more difficult to deal with than others. Things affect different people in different ways. The things I have been through have forced me to grow up rather quickly.
     
  9. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    what do you make out of this statement? or what brought you to that conclusion.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    ^^^ She needs him because he, though "bad", brings those same elements of herself into sharp focus. Possibly for the first time ever, she is face to face with a mirror or window onto herself. And she's not liking what she's seeing.

    It hurts to realize you're broken inside, but I must say bravo for realizing this and having the courage not to shut out your shadow self and run the other way.

    You've taken a long step toward a better you. This is great. Most people rarely come to such a realization on their own, and even if helped (shown) they deny deny deny.

    You're going to be just fine. The turmoil you feel, though uncomfortable, is healing.
     
  11. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    Thanks for answering the question, I couldn't have put it better myself
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Just out of curiosity, were you far ahead of your peers in high school?

    I had a bunch of early life lessons as well and high school was so easy for me it was a joke. I didn't connect with my peers well at all because I was more mature than them. However, it meant I didn't have any close friendships either and I ended up being insecure and hypocritical in relationships and friendships until I realized what the problem was - I'm still making efforts to fix this.

    It sounds like what you're describing as narcissism is more like a front to hide your insecurity. Not taking blame is being insecure about your faults and admitting them to other people. As well, being hypocritical about the actions of your significant other in regards to hanging out with friends and going to the bar may indicate trust issues and insecurity in your own self-worth... I battle with these as well. If you felt secure about yourself and trusted in your own decisions, there would be no problem with taking blame for your part in any given action.

    Have you talked to him about these feelings? Have you come up with a plan to counter these insecurities and improve your behaviour?
     
  13. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    I graduated from high school in 3 years if that tells you anything.
    I had decent relationships and friendships with people in high school. My longest relationship lasted about 2 years, my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college...I was 18 when we were done and he was 23.

    I feel like it is impossible to talk to him about things like this. Like tonight, for example, I asked him to come over and he wouldn't... then he started going off on how our schedules didn't mesh together and blahblahblah. Well, I could have seen him tonight. I could have seen him Monday night, but he chose to ignore my phone calls. I could have seen him Sunday night, but he had friends over. Oh well..
     
  14. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    maybe everything isnt as good as it seems
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You need him. He doesn't seem to need you.
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Think of it as a cleansing and a great learning opportunity. Many people do end up meeting someone who does to them what they did to others in their previous relationships. It's kind of a way to balance things out. You feel connected to him for this reason, but don't let that fool you into thinking he's "the one". When you have fully learned what he's teaching you about yourself, you won't need him anymore.
     

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