just overcame a huge barrier, trying to rekindle love and romance

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by themolsen, Aug 29, 2009.

  1. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    HALP VAG!

    My g/f and I of 9 months just got over a pretty big wall. Basically, she has a lot of trouble verbalizing her feelings so when she started to get bored w/ our relationship (we got into the whole routine thing blah blah blah), I noticed it in her actions but she didn't tell me what was wrong so I couldn't fix it. It got to the point where suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted to even stay with me or look for other guys and it was almost too late.

    By forcing her to try and verbalize what was going on, it just forced us further apart because she wasn't able to say it so she thought "I don't know" even though her ACTIONS showed that she wanted to be with me.

    Well after lots of back-and-forth talking and thinking and what not this week, we've realized we have different communication styles. Her actions show her feelings very clearly, even though she can't verbalize them. On the other hand, I verbalize things a bit more than I act them.

    BUT we've recognized that and I've assure her I'm here for her and am doing what I can to help her with her feelings. That's where we are NOW. We literally just got back together an hour ago.

    Now we need to rekindle and revive our romantic feelings toward each other. I know it's never going to be like the honeymoon phase, but I want it to be somewhat exciting again and so does she.

    What are you suggestions for moving past this and moving on? Or should we not move past our problem so quickly? I don't know...

    I know I have to show her how I feel and physically connect with her in hopes that she will reciprocate. I also have some fun, exciting and dangerous activities I want to do. But what else?

    ib. go rock climbing
     
  2. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    also, I should mention that I have trust issues now because she lied to me about several things during the course of this crisis
     
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    What were the things she lied about?
     
  4. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    She disappeared one day and lied about where she was to my face, saying she was at her friend's house all day, but instead she was drinking at a bar with a guy, which I found out 3 seconds later because she's a horrible liar appartenyl. She swore to me up and down and on her mother's life that nothing happened, and I believe that, but it's still suspicious that she lied about it when I've never had a problem with her going on with other guy friends. But she also told me she had no physical attraction to him and them 3 days later told me she did. I know some of it has to do with being unable to own up to her own feelings, but it's definitely affected my ability to trust her.

    I want very much to be able to move past it and trust her again.
     
  5. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    Fuck this. She's the barrier. I ended it for good tonight... I need someone better
     
  6. greenpillow

    greenpillow New Member

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    good for you.. women with baggage.. only thing like it is men with baggage!
     
  7. Julius

    Julius Guest

    Good move :)

    Glad to see someone else on these boards from Duval. There's plenty of other girls out there.
     
  8. J_75

    J_75 New Member

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    good man:bigthumb:
     
  9. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    She's too immature and unwilling to give me her all... Life's too short. Thanks for the support!
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    Good for you:bigthumb:
     
  11. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :bowdown:

    you made the right decision. just an fyi though, i recommend reading "the five love languages" by gary chapman if you and a future SO have problems communicating with one another. great read, and it gives examples of how to communicate with a person of each type of love language.
     
  12. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    you're like the third person today to recommend that. the problem with this girl wasn't so much that she communicated differently, but that she is completely unable to reconcile and identify her feelings. that's why we grew apart and why she lied to me. she's not ready for someone like me who wants to put 100% into a relationship when she can do 50% at best.

    all week long, as I've been alternating between heartbreak and hope while I tried to help her identify her emotions, friends & family were telling me to move on & that I deserve better. I should have listened....woulda saved me a week of pain. ah well, it's over now and I feel so great about it, knowing I did everything I could do to try and help her and us. in the end, she just wasn't willing to try and has to help herself
     
  13. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    ;) it's seriously a good book! :bigthumb:

    it seems as though the issue in your relationship is that she wasn't that into you. :dunno: i'd never want to be with someone that worked on the relationship half as hard as i did.

    i'd never lie to my SO about going out with another guy. there's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but when you deliberately hold back information, it's usually for a sketchy reason.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    no it wouldnt. you werent ready for it to end a week ago. you wouldve been a mess during that week. its better that it ended when and how it did because now you recognize 100% that it *should* be over. if it had ended before you wouldve been all like "oh noes did i make the wrong choice? what if what if?"

    posted from my phone
     
  15. kit99bar

    kit99bar USPA Class 2, weak, old man!

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    Fuck I guess a lot happened between 7 and 930 huh
     
  16. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  17. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    you're right. I've always said that I try to live life without regrets by always trying my hardest. I walk the walk too, and that's what I did in this situation. I tried my hardest and it didn't work so now I have no regrets
     
  18. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    a lot of realization on my part. the last straw was that despite me putting myself way out there and expressing my willingness to do what I can to help her grow and to grow with her and stick with her through this, she still wasn't honest about whether or not she wanted to even try to rekindle anything. fuck that.

    I guarantee I'm going to hear from her in a couple weeks, maybe a month, after she's gone out and had her drunken hook-ups and it didn't bring her the satisfaction she thought it would....and she's going to say she realizes what I meant to her and that I was so great to her blah blah blah. And you know what I'm going to say? "No ma'am. You blew it."

    Any other guy would have dropped her ass long ago, but I'm a caring, empathetic, loyal person and will stand by someone 'til the end. I don't deserve someone who isn't willing to do the same.
     
  19. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    nothing is worth being a backup lol.
     
  20. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    :bowdown:

    Make sure that you stick to your guns and don't sleep with her anymore. Cut all ties to make the healing faster / easier
     
  21. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    God I miss her:wtc:
     
  22. kit99bar

    kit99bar USPA Class 2, weak, old man!

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    you will get someone better, remember this as you go through the worst time now. You can put some aggression into working out too.
     
  23. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    I think I'm going to make a match.com account or something to get the ball rolling with moving on. I'm condfident and know others find me attractive, but EVERYTHING reminds me of her right now. Not a second goes by that the memories aren't in my head. I would do anything right now to be in her arms, even ignore all of the wrong she's done.
     
  24. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    So she cheated on you
     
  25. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    God I'm such a pussy
     

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