i'm going through the first stages of a bad breakup. just a bit of history on the matter: I'm a 29y/o asian male and she's a 22y/o white female. we have been dating for over 4 years, cohabitating the same length. we fell madly in love with each other and she moved away from home to be with me while i was in the service. 2 years went by and i was honorably discharged, we moved to my own hometown where she told me she had dreamed of someday moving. once we moved up here and seeing how our relationship was blossoming, i decided that it was time to pop the question for an admittedly long engagement. i had just begun to receive gov't disability due to my time in the service and began to go to school full time, hoping to get my BA before we married... then use additional benefits of mine to put her through school once married. and for the past year and a half or so, she had gradually become distant, unable to talk to me on the deep levels we used to share. finally, a week ago, i caught her cheating on me. i know she hasnt before, but when discovered, she told me she has felt like this for some time, and couldnt find a time to talk and break up mutually. it seems she couldnt find the strength to pull away without finding someone else to latch on to first. the worst part is i have been jobless for so long with us living on my disability payments. we cohabitate, which even in the near future will help to keep my bills low to begin my search for a job so i can live alone and move on. i've now had to withdraw from fall quarter to prepare for this and reexamine my college future once i find work. i just cant seem to let go. we had a future laid out together and what used to be my future is all gone. all the goals i had set for myself seem all washed up. i still feel love in my heart for her, but know that she goes out at night even now to see him, unable to give me an emotional break to catch my breath. there is no chance we can work this out as she has since moved on in her heart. sometimes i feel like i am doing all the wrong things by trying to cohabitate, and bend her will to remain friends. as an introvert, i had really relied on her as a friend, someone i always relied on to be there for me when i needed someone the most. because of that, i have few friends, and little capacity to make friends... i feel like i have no where to go emotionally. it is why i seem to be clinging in a situation i normally walk away from with no regrets... i have never been friends with an ex, and here i am contemplating one for all the wrong reasons. but because of that, i end up dragging myself through the mud every day, making it even harder to get back up.