Just friends or maybe more?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sexican, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    So, I have this friend who is a female. We've been really good friends for about 4 almost 5 years now. I used to live right down the street from her, but I moved out of state 2 years ago. Since I moved away, it seems as if we've actually become better friends than we were when we lived close to each other. It's off and on, but sometimes we'll talk on the phone at least 10 times a week, but other times only once or twice a week. I have had feelings for her pretty much since I've known her but I don't think she does. We have gotten drunk a few times and messed around but it never meant anything and a few times she'd sober up while we were messing around and stop us from doing anything more.

    Here's the tricky part. We're friends on MySpace and we're each other #1 friend. (If you know what Top 8 is, you know what a privilidge it is to be someone's #1, and if you don't know what Top 8 is, basically I'm her favorite person in the world) Aside from being each other's #1, she also leaves me comments that leave me wondering if she really has feelings for me AT ALL. When I bring the subject up subtely, she always says "I can't like you, it'd be weird. You're too good of a friend" or something around those lines. But then she'll leave messages on my MySpace that makes me think differently! It drives me nuts. Let me show a few examples of the comments she'll leave me on MySpace:

    - Apr 6 2007 1:05A

    BUT WE ARE STILL GREAT FRIENDS!!

    we'll be in like.....well

    something... ONCE AGIAN!!

    just u wait kid :]


    - Mar 30 2007 8:57P

    I do very much love this man!!

    :]


    Feb 10, 2007 9:00 PM

    just for u my love

    :]

    Jan 31, 2007 11:39 PM

    If only u knew

    the love i have for u.

    It makes me blue..

    when i think how much i miss u.

    But thats where i end..

    cuz thats just when,

    i realize im dumb..

    And should have never begun :]


    So i suck at poetry.

    Sue Me


    and finally, she left me this comment a few days ago that literally just killed me.






    Cliffs: Can a friend of the opposite sex (who are both attractive and/or attracted to each other) keep it to JUST friends forever? I want to try a relationship with her, but when I bring it up even subtley she says it would be too weird.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2007
  2. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I hope to God someone doesn't read this that knows me or her, that'd suck.
     
  3. RamGriffin

    RamGriffin New Member

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    You might want to edit your name out of that last one.
     
  4. R KriLLz

    R KriLLz Uncomfortable in my own skin.

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    watch Risky Business...

    sometimes you just gotta say "what the fuck?"

    If you want specific info, i guess don't bring it up in a subtle manner.
    If you seem nervous talking about that, you'll make her nervous.
     
  5. jesskasubercool

    jesskasubercool Jesska.

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    wait? you said you moved out of state... so does that mean you are looking for a long distance relationship?
     
  6. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    No...that's the other thing. She wants to move from Oregon to California and live with me. Which is another confusion for me...
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    In that case it would be best to be honest with her and tell her that you can't live with her since you have feelings for her and it would just make things too hard for you.
     
  8. Limited Edition

    Limited Edition New Member

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    Five years you've been obsessing over her and what have been the payoffs?
    Stop the subtle hints and be direct.

    Your fear of rejection or loosing her is giving her the power over your life on how you relate with her. A man's life doesn't revolve around a woman. The only person that will make you happy is you.



    I'll be in CA and my guy friend wants to move in with me too. He's bored of his current living situation and wants a new excitement.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    ftw

    this will make her want you more of course
     
  10. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    The first bolded part: It is easy (in this case for her) to develop feelings for someone when they are not around. You remeber all of the good times you have had, and when you talk, its a break in absence, its fun, you talk about positive things, you are both on "good behaviour." Its an artifical interaction. I have developed feelings umpteen times for male friends ONCE THEY LEAVE. Because I miss them, when I talk to them its special and fun, instead of the norm, etc.
    THe other bolded parts: are you answering your own question.
     
  11. Malakius

    Malakius Guest

    I hate it when women mess with your head.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 12, 2007
  12. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I was more or less wondering if any of you have had a really close friend of the opposite sex, and I mean a REALLY good and close friend - and you not have any thoughts about having a relationship with them? Her and I get along great, and if I had my choice for a eprfect relationship, I would want it to be a friend that I've known for a long time and know that we get along well and don't get bored with each other. I was thinking that since we've been friends for so long, it'd help my case, not be against it.

    Is there really a point that girls think "He's too good of a friend now, I couldn't do anything with him or have a relationship with him." I know for guys, that's never the case, or at least any guys I know.
     
  13. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    I have a couple of really close friends of the opposite sex who I wouldn't ever have a relationship with, nor have I wanted to in the past. On the flipside to that I have some close friends who I have wanted to have a relationship with...most of the time it won't work out.

    Also that whole myspace top 8 thing made me :bowrofl:
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    It may not be that the guy is "too good of a friend" but that she knows him well enough to know things that would make her not want a relationship with him. You may get along great but if you don't have the things she wants in a relationship then she won't want to take it farther than friends.

    I also see another possible side to your situation though. I'm guessing you are both pretty young from how big of an importance you place on the myspace thing. Since you are so close, it's not worth risking your friendship unless it's going to be a long term relationship with the potential of getting married someday. If you are both young then you don't want a relationship like that so early because it's bound to end when one of you wants to experience more people. It's better for you both to date lots of people now and find out what you really want in a partner and in the future if you decide what you want is each other, then you can be together.
     
  15. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    My own question got answered. She did this survey thing and put it where I would see it.

    99. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
    yeah...and it really weirds me out cuz the whole time i was thinkin we were STRICTLY friends.

    gg i lose. :(
     
  16. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

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    Doesn't mean she is talking about you, it could be someone else that liked her.
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Yes, but that and some of the history mentioned in the first post (her always saying it would be too weird if they got together) suggests that she will freak out if he tells her.

    My advice to the OP: Give up on this. You've known this girl for 5 years, and haven't made any progress. She has completely friendzoned you, and has even told you that trying to move yourself out of the friendzone is threatening to her.

    How many more years do you want to keep chasing after this girl?
     
  18. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I knew deep down that I had no chance, but when she tells me that she loves me (not in a "i love ya man" type way...I posted some of her comments in my first post) it leads me to believe I might have a chance.

    On another note, she's in love with this other guy she used to be with, and she hasn't and won't get over him...ever...I think. While she's in love with him, that makes my chances even worse. Maybe if she got over him.
     
  19. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Well, if you're going to wait around for this girl, at least date other women while you wait to see IF she gets over the ex.
     
  20. Limited Edition

    Limited Edition New Member

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    Actions > Words
     
  21. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You've been friends for 5 years, of course she loves you. That doesn't mean that she's IN love with you.
     
  22. God of Thunder

    God of Thunder New Member

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    seriously, start dating someone. ANYONE. Tell the girl you like about her, make her up if you have too, but see if she gets jealous, thats your only chance.
     
  23. audrey

    audrey New Member

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    Years ago, a male friend of mine who had been one of my bestfriends while growing up, told me he had been in love with me all along. I had no idea and almost threw up on him. We never 'messed around'. I was angry that he ruined our friendship, because things could never be the same.

    He turned into a heroin addict gambler and I haven't seen him in years :( :( :(



    Some girls have no idea that their male mates are in love with them (or want to fuck them) and most of them know and love the attention.
     
  24. Daily

    Daily yliaD Bidness

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    some really good advice in here, and I know, I'm late lol
     
  25. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She loves you as a mother loves her child. The reason why she says it would be weird to get together with you is because that is how she feels about you. You are the "asexual" little boy. Trying to make a move now is like trying to hit on your mother - women don't normally go for it.

    Just leave it alone.
     

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