SRS Just Friends? *Kind Of Long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CopenKagan, Apr 30, 2005.

  1. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    First off, a little background.

    I met this girl online. We talked on the phone and decided to meet in person. But we also both decided that we would just be friends. This was because she has been dating this guy that she likes, but they weren't official boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Anyway, we met and really hit it off. We get along very well and have tons of things in common. One thing that struck me weird was the fact that whenever she laughed at one of my jokes or something like that she would put her hand on my shoulder or give me little play punches in the arm, and other things like that. But when we hung out with some other people she did the same thing to everyone, even other girls. So obviously she's just a physical person in that way.

    So last night we decided to do something. Her room mate invited her and myself to go to dinner with her and her boyfriend along with some other friends. We went out and all of us came back and played some games, everyone had a good time.

    Pretty much everyone left except for her room mates boyfriend and myself. So her room mate and boyfriend went to watch a movie in her room and we were in the living room. So we were just watching TV and started just playing around (throwing pillows at each other, poking each other, etc.).

    Then afterwards she kept complaining that she couldn't get comfortable so she kept moving around. She took a pillow, put it on my shoulder and put her head on me. So eventually I was facing her, her facing me just kind of cuddling with each other.

    I just dont know what to make of this because she has made comments such as, "We have way too much in common with each other, Kagan. I don't think we could ever be together, just because opposites are supposed to attract."

    Now I will admit, I kind of like her, always have. She only gets to see this other guy once a week (if she's lucky). He apparently gets caught up in school and work and doesn't have any time for her.

    So does it sound like she is just the kind of friend that is more affectionate than most people, she is beginning to like me or is it that she just wanted a "filler"?

    Edit: I'm not sure if the entire thing would make complete sense, so if you have a question about it, I will be happy to clarify. :hs:
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2005
  2. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    sounds to me like you're in the friends zone, mang. i've been in lotsa situations like that before...where i'd get touchy feely with girls and get close to 'em...next thing i know, the girl tells me how she's seeing this new guy and she's asking me for advice from a guys perspective.

    here's the thing you have to realize: getting close as friends and getting close romantically are two completely different things. sorry mang, its really hard (if not impossible) to convert from friends to SOs.
     
  3. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Well, I'm totally cool being friends with her.

    I just didn't know if she was trying to send me some signals. I've had lots of friends whom are girls and they haven't ever been that way twoards me, I just didn't know if it was normal or what. If that makes any sense.
     
  4. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    some girls are naturally touchy-feely like that. they start touching you when they're comfortable with you, which means you're just a friend to them in most cases.

    you know a girl likes you when she is usually touchy-feely but gets very nervous around you and acts very shy.
     
  5. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    That makes sense.

    Thanks for the info, it really clarifies the whole situation. I really didn't know that.
     
  6. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    that's fine. just a couple things from experience...

    1) you might be telling yourself you're totally cool just being friends but the minute she starts a relationship with someone else, you might see realize you really want her.

    2) when she starts a relationship with someone else, things get all different...esp if the bf is the jealous type. all of a sudden you go from cuddle-status to zero-status. ask yourself if you're willing to go thru that.

    lots of guys will say "just get rid of her and move on if she doesn't want you." there's good reason why they say that -- you might get hurt if you stick around.

    i've been there and done that.
     
  7. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    I understand what you're saying. I seriously don't think that I would care that much if I went to "zero" status. Although I think that I would have a problem with her boyfriend if he was the jealous type and didn't want me and her hanging out.

    I just don't make friends easily and hate losing friends. But I guess I will take it as the situation arises.
     
  8. Killgunner

    Killgunner OT Supporter

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    Yea, If it were me... I would wait it out... it all depends on if you think she would make a good relationship, and if so... wait till she's vulnerable and tell her how you feel, it could work... what do you have to lose?
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Welcome to the Friend zone. Sorry mate, she doesn't think of you that way. The sooner your romantic intentions move on... the better. Thats so much easier said than done, its not even funny, because once you're hooked then every nice thing she does is huge. That friend snuggling thing musta meant alot to you, since you're crushing, and that only serves to reinforce these pointless feelings that you have. It didn't mean so much to her. You gotta remember that. For this reason, don't do stuff like that with her if you can't handle it. You have to kinda distance yourself a little. In time, this can help you to enjoy her as just a friend again... but to be honest, its so hard to get back there as a guy this is why people like Harry in When Harry Met Sally say that men and women can never be friends. But, try.

    See: Cuddle Bitch

    That doesn't mean that this can't change in time. Ladder changes do happen among good friends. Rare, but it happens. But if that basic animal attraction is lacking... then it ain't gonna grow. Not for a woman. The closer you get, the more brotherly you become. And that means asexual to her. The point is that it would be a big mistake to stick around with the hope that things will develop.

    The first time this happened to me when I was 16... I talked it out with her. I thought it would help. I did that a couple times after. At this point, I have stopped having that talk. I know whats going to be said. Its just kinda awkward. Some people advocate that you express your feelings to her if they grow into something approximating love... dagger in stomach, etc. They say it can help. I haven't found that to be true, but some people swear by the catharsis of it. :hsd: At this point in my life, its just humiliating to get stuck on someone that clearly isn't interested, and so I just try to deal with it on my own when this happens, despite how much that hurts. The only thing to do is to redirect your emotions... not at one other girl, but at other girls in general. Kinda hard when you're nuts have shut down to the rest of humanity. Doesn't sound like you have it that bad, yet. It could get that bad. Be careful.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2005
  10. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    Update:

    Well, I went and hung out with her again last night. And apparently she was getting quite sick of this other guy. He just doesn't pay any attention to her. He doesn't call, he doesn't return her phone calls, so I guess she is just done with him.

    So anyway, once again, she started cuddling with me. I just thought, "Oh well, it's no big deal." Next thing I know we are making out on her couch. She told me that the last week or so she had started liking me as more than a friend. I told her my thoughts on it and such. Nothing official, but it seems like I may just have more than a friend on my hands. :hs:

    The only thing that sucks is that it kind of happened after this other dude just seemed to brush her off for a few weeks. :hsd:
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Beware of the rebound. You are a cock on a shelf...
     
  12. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    That's one of my concerns. At this point, I don't think it's anything I can't recover from and be her friend again if that is the case.
     
  13. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    enjoy it now. there's nothing wrong with giving a friend some erotic comfort when she's down. :bigthumb:
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    OK. Maybe I'm projecting. Hit that shit like nobody's business.
     
  15. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    She's kind of a good girl, I'm 90% sure that she's a virgin. :o
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Take what she says with a grain of salt. If he starts paying attention to her again, you'll be out.
     
  17. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    She wants you to want her. She would love it if you were madly in love with her, but she will never have any interest in you. Indeed, she would like to have a thousand guys like you. She's self absorbed. Put a few states between you and her.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Get what you can, while you can. Preferably before she realizes that while playing you, you played her.

    It won't last long, so move fast. If that's what you want, that is.
     
  19. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :werd: i want to be able to tell you different, but its true

    I've been there before, you're the safe second... she'll be with you until she finds someone who she likes more, then you'll be either dumped or just friends again

    best possible options:

    1) distance yourself completely
    2) set yourself up to be a 'comfort fuck buddy' so whenever she's between guys she can fuck you

    just be careful of STDs and the like

    she's the type that can't be alone, she always has to be 'with' somebody
     
  20. alexs001

    alexs001 Mawk! Mawk!

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    :sadwavey: I'm in the same boat...again. Sounds like you have a better chance than I do with mine.
     
  21. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    it ultimately comes down to your call ...

    do you want her or not??

    is she worth fighting for??

    if so, then tell her you want her, and tell her exactly how you want it and when ...

    cuddling up to you is a sign, take the sign, and be a man!! make that woman yours!!
     
  22. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    :rofl: :rofl: awesome, couldn't have said it better
     

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