SRS Just found out my wife is cheating..(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Jan 20, 2009.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    My wife has clients that she handles. One client is a guy our age, that she got along with pretty well when she first picked up their agency. We all went to dinner tons of times, hung out, even went to Miami together on a business trip. This guy lives about 2 hours south of here.

    Fast forward to November, turns out my wife lies to me about going to dinner with this guy. Tells me she's going to class, when in fact she went to dinner. When I found out, and confronted her, she says she didn't want me to know because I would be jealous. I realize you don't know me, but before all of this I was never a jealous guy and I trusted her 1000000000%.. Probably to a fault. This was a Tuesday. That weekend her and I were going to go to the city where he lives (where all her family is) to see her sister and hang out with family. He was going to come out to dinner with all of us as a "friend", which was until that Tuesday what I thought him to be. I told her I wasn't going to be going, and that if I found out he was there, it was the end of the relationship. I don't put up with this garbage, know what I mean? Weekend comes.. and through a friend of mine that is a police officer, I found out that he was there with her, and some of her friends at a few bars throughout the night. I confronted her about this, and she broke down saying that he showed up even though she asked him not too, had tears and the whole show.. I believed her because of her reaction to my anger. She wasn't defensive, but rather so distraught with pain that I was so angry, so I didn't think she'd be lying to me. Does this make sense?

    So because of all this, I put a log on my network. Shady.. I know.. but I had to know if something was going on. Last night she logs on to myspace, and there is an email from him. Email basically goes into how happy he is that he finally could tell her his feelings for her, and how happy he is that they'll get to be together soon, etc etc. Hope to be with her soon, happy he gets to see her at work, yada yada yada. Then he goes on to say that he hopes he can see her in Vegas in February. There is a convention out there for her industry that week, and her and I have always gone in the past together. Her work pays my way, and its a REALLY nice way to vacation together with almost 0 expense to either of us. Letter ends with tons of x's and o's and all that bullsh!t. She tells him that sh'es working on airplane tickets to Vegas for the week of February 16th for her and her sister.. and that if her company doesn't pay for them to go with him, that she'll put it on her credit card and go anyway. Goes on to say she can't wait to see him again, and that's shes so happy, etc etc etc. The whole conversation makes me SICK.

    I don't know what to do... I really feel like someone kicked me in my gut, and punched me in my balls.. You know? We've been together since we graduated high school.. We've been through everything together.. but after all of this, I can't even look at her anymore. I was thinking perhaps I'd just wait until she goes to Vegas, and leave - leaving a vacant house for her when she gets back.. and if I do that, then I need to start planning now as its a month away. All the debt is in her name, but she's planning on bankruptcy before all of this anyway.. Only catch would be the house that is in both of our names. Neither of us can afford the house alone. We also have a car in both our names, but hoping on getting a new one possibly this week, which will be in my name only.

    What do you guys recommend I do first? I have a month to get my ducks in a row before acting. My paycheck goes to my own checking account. What should I do to protect myself and my funds? What steps should I be taking during this month of HELL?
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    At there is little you can do to protect money. In fact, anything you do will be seen by the court in a negative way and it could work against you.

    If I was you I'd make sure her name is not on the checking account and then GO CONFRONT HER. Don't wait until february, don't make a big scene out of it. You're not going to be making a statement by having her come home to an empty house...........and whatever you do, DO NOT let her have any idea you illegally gained access to her myspace. Confront her in a way that makes her confess so you don't have to let her know how you found this shit out.

    And privately go see a divorce lawyer. It'll be the best $300 you spend through this process. Find out what you should do and what you really, really should NOT do. Good luck. This is going to suck for a while but it's going to suck longer if you wait to do it.
     
  3. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    This is going to be an extremely delicate situation. I'd say GTFO of the relationship before she files bankruptcy. Do you have any children? I'm assuming no because you didn't mention them so that's good. I can only imagine how painful this is for you, but I think you need to really focus on your financial and economic well being first before you start whatever emotional thing it is you need to do.

    How old are you? Can you go spend some time with your parents to get on your feet, or do you have enough money so you don't have to? Now, I don't know how much money you have but one of the best ways that you can hide money is pay cash for things like gold, diamonds, etc. I don't have experience with divorce and the exact financial repercussions so I don't speak from personal experience.

    It may be scumbaggy, but I'd be trying to siphon off and hide as much money as possible so that when you get divorced you have tons of money in assets that are hidden and unacountable. You just need to make sure that you don't let her drag you into bankruptcy. If you want help with the money stuff, I can help you, all you'd have to do is PM me.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    the best way to hide money is to shove cash in a duffel bag. buying shit means he has to turn around and sell it and there's no guarantee it'll be worth the same when he sells it.



    They're married so there's no way he can avoid being "dragged" into bankruptcy.
     
  5. KingOfBabTouma

    KingOfBabTouma Hepinize daha iyiyim OT Supporter

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    yeah, married people file for individual bankruptcy all the time:hsugh:
    pretty sure he cannot be forced to file if he doesn't want to. If there is debt that is his, he will be responsible for it, but he is not obligated to file bankruptcy just because his wife did.
     
  6. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Not really, it's a lot harder to hide cash than it is to hide diamonds.

    Getting a divorce...
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    then he should make sure he's legally separated before she files. he's still going to be responsible for his share of the debt.
     
  8. B4 I FU R U 18

    B4 I FU R U 18 Active Member

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    sucks man, best of luck to you
     
  9. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I would let it go on until vegas and document as much as you can (emails, etc) that way you have a case against her if she tries to pull any shit. If she had debt before you got married document that too b/c you aren't responsible for any of that, pretty sure its shared debt after you get married though.

    This is why I think its stupid for married couples to have joint accounts
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    do not do this.

    even though you're married, it's still illegal to monitor her computer.

    http://news.cnet.com/Police-blotter-Husband-spies-on-wifes-computer/2100-1030_3-6083045.html

    that's why I said he needs to get her to admit to it. if it comes out that he logged her shit and found out that way she can (and probably will) use it against him.
     
  11. Matrix0507

    Matrix0507 New Member

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    He said the log was on his network. Wouldn't that make it alright? I assume he just read the txt from the keylogger, not gained access to the Myspace account using illgotten username/password info.
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    how many more do you want?



    The law says anyone who "intentionally intercepts" any "electronic communication" commits a criminal act.

    http://news.cnet.com/Court-Wife-broke-law-with-spyware/2100-1030_3-5577979.html
     
  13. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Go about this in a mature manner. Do not leave the house without her knowing unexpectedly. She is your wife... Or was, for that matter. Hire a lawyer to answer these questions for you. Confront her about the issue and tell her that she knows she's cheating, and that you want a divorce.
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Definitely would advise you to look into a divorce lawyer asap.

    To begin, I'm sorry for the situation and the unfortunate turn in events with your 'wife', but don't dwell on your emotions although it may be hard. If you are seriously planning on leaving her then you need to do so quickly. Maybe not physically, but make sure all accounts that are yours, are YOURS, check into all/any debt the two of you may have together (you mentioned a car), personal loans, personal lines of credit (retail stores, etc).

    If you want to maintain your well being in this economy, better act sooner than later. Not saying shes going to 'take it all', but with the costs of divorce and the way they work you will be hit hard for sure, financially and emotionally,.
     
  15. zipzooka

    zipzooka sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a

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    Confront her. Tell her you know everything about the situation. Regardless of her reaction, you need to leave. File for divorce as soon as possible so her bankruptcy and all the other shit doesn't affect you as much.

    There's no point in trying to salvage a relationship when you're with someone like that. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    No children. I am 28. Can't go to my parents because they live 2 hours away. I might be able to find a place to stay with friends or coworkers or something. My older brother has a house in town, perhaps could stay with him.

    The cards are ALL in her name. I have 0 credit cards..

    Am I still responsible for any of these? She's planned on filing BK for a few months now.. and has run up a few cards to her advantage in preperation of filing. Am I now responsible for half of this debt????! You've got to be fucking shitting me.

    No joint accounts. We each have our own checking and savings, and all the debt is in her name. Only thing joint we have right now is a mortgage.

    That's another issue.. what do i do about the house? Neither of us can afford it alone.
     
  17. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    As far as the spending on the Credit cards go before bankruptcy, if she can 'prove' the money was spent on the 'two' of you, chances are, some how or another, they can get 50% of that back to you
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I assume he just read the txt from the keylogger, not gained access to the Myspace account using illgotten username/password info.
     
  19. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I need to get this straight. If the debt is in her name 100%, and I have 0 debt.. why does it matter if she files personal bankruptcy before the divorce? How does that effect me at ALL?

    Once she files, i'm protected, right? What am I missing here..

    I will be speaking with a lawyer ASAP. I just don't know how I'm going to pay for it. I have no credit cards and my salary pays the mortgage,.. so my spending money is very limited. Could take months before I have the cash.
     
  20. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Probably, yes.

    Her lawyer is going to make the argument that all the debt is both your shared debt, and she'll win. You're going to have to pay for half the shit she bought.

    Sell it.
     
  21. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you're MARRIED! half of her debt is your debt. you can try to make an argument that you should get half the shit she bought......good luck.
     
  22. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    why does it matter if she files personal bankruptcy before the divorce? How does that effect me at ALL?
     
  23. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Like I said, don't listen to these fruits and contact a divorce lawyer.
     
  24. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    As I understand it when you get married unless the credit cards are in both your names if she files bankruptcy its on her credit report not yours, thats not to say she can't go after you for half that debt but I'd consider that better than a bad mark on your credit report for 7 years. I'd start getting all my paperwork in order BEFORE you confront her make copies of credit card bills (if she keeps them) since before you got married. At least you were smart enough to keep your bank accounts separate.

    The house will have to be sold and you'll split any of the profit. Borrow money from family or something if you need a lawyer some of them will probably even work out payments or something think of it this way it might run you broke for a while but in the long run its probably worth it, cheaper to keep her but you'll be miserable knowing she's running around with another man.
     
  25. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :rolleyes:

    that was the first thing I said.
     

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