SRS Just For Today ~ Walking Through The Pain ~ November 17th

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Demon Of Dreams, Nov 17, 2003.

  1. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    "We never have to use again, no matter how we feel. All feelings will eventually pass."Basic Text, p. 97

    It hurts like never before. You get out of bed after a sleepless night, talk to your higher power, and still don't feel any better. "It will pass," a little voice tells you. "When?" you wonder, as you pace and mutter and get on with your day.

    You sob in your car and turn the radio on all the way up so you can't hear your own thoughts. But you go straight to work, and don't even think about using drugs.

    Your insides feel as though they've been torched. Just when the pain becomes unbearable, you go numb and silent. You go to a meeting and wish you were as happy as other members seem to be. But you don't relapse.

    You cry some more and call your sponsor. You drive to a friends house and don't even notice the beautiful scenery because your inner landscape is so bleak. You may not feel any better after visiting your friend-but atleast you didn't visit the connection instead.

    You listen to a fifth step. You share at a meeting. You look at the calendar and realize you've gotten through another day clean.

    The one day you wake up, look outside, and realize its's a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The Sky is blue. You take a deep breath, smile again, and know that it really does pass.

    JUST FOR TODAY: No matter how I feel today, I'll go on with my recovery.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2003
  2. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    Kind of weird that that one was for today... even though its only 1am :o

    But thats kind of me right now although I haven't been to a meeting in awhile and don't technically have a higher power...

    but I've been numb for about a week, and just been waiting for it all to pass... and part of it I guess is having to decide what i want to do from this point on.

    I've been numb since I got back from my trip and just sort of progressed into "blah"

    So I've been considering working through some steps again... as of today I have two years and one month, and am very proud of that, and I've managed to make it this far without having to succumb to the natural urges to go drown myself in alcohol again :hs:

    I don't know how any of you will take this thread, however, if you can relate to something in what I typed out above, please don't be hesitant about posting. I'll probably start a couple of these a week if there is any interest from anyone... if todays you cannot relate to, maybe another one will be something you can :)
     
  3. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    champ, I intend to reply to every post that you make in this forum; you created this forum because you felt that there were problems that you needed to approach, and you felt that others needed to approach them too.

    I respect that.

    but what happens once you have completed the 12 steps?? can't you just move on with life, and forget about alcohol and drugs??

    wouldn't that be the wishful outcome??

    by the sounds of your posts in this forum, you are addressing this issue as if this is your life. It focuses on recovery, and that is what everyone wants :bigthumb: ...

    good luck, mate!! because everyone should be fit and healthy, and not be reliant on substances :bigthumb:

    you also, at some stage, have to progress past the AA or NA, and see that life is fairly fragile, and that you need to make the most of it, as much as you can ...

    -Nightshade
     
  4. Demon Of Dreams

    Demon Of Dreams Feed me with lies and hate, and from that, I will

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    Not necessarilly my problems, again, its a forum for everyone and I have hopes people will use it as such.

    When you complete the 12 steps? You go through and do them over again and see what has changed between the time you first completed step one, and when you completed step twelve. Its an ongoing process, you can by no means just move on and forget about the drugs and alcohol because it was a large part of your life and there are always cravings and multiple temptations. Its working through your addiction to better yourself and to continue to stay clean and the more you stick with it the easier it gets over time, but it is still a part of your life.

    Recovery is my life, yes, without it, I wouldn't have my life, pure and simple. I'd have probably been dead long ago if it weren't for what I've gained from the programs I've been around all my life. Through recovery I'm able to see a brighter side to life, even though I do hate it at times, there is always something there that will keep me going. That was not something I had in my teens or before I decided to get sober.

    I wonder about you, because without AA or NA, the people in these programs would not EVER see how fragile life really is. Before I and others decided to get clean, be it through our own choice, the choice of a loved one, or the choice of the court, our lives amounted to exactly dick. Addiction will strip everything away from you and leave you only wanting more of your addiction and willing to throw everything you hold dear and important in your life away just for that next fucking hit or that next bottle... one is too many and a thousand is never enough, and as an addict, this holds true, because if I pick up again, there is no turning back, and I'm as good as dead without the program, because I give myself nowhere else to turn to when I need it. No amount of friends or loved ones will stop me from picking up if I really sink that low again, no matter how much I talk about it and no matter how much I've gained over the years, if I don't have that support, and my friends and family in the program who will call me on my bullshit when I need them to, and a place to go when I'm feeling I want to drink, thats pretty much the end of it.

    I don't want to drink myself to death but I know there is always that possibility because thats how fragile life is. Temptations and cravings galore and that is something I will have to live with for a very long time, or die with in a very short time.

    By no means does the program consume and control my life, but it does play a big part. It's not the only thing, but it effects everything I have done and will ever do. It's basically my compass, because of what and who I have gained, and because of what and who I have lost, I want to be able to make the decisions that are correct for me. If I am using, there is no way in hell I'll be able to do that. I do not want to turn out like my parents and I do not want to turn out like others, I would prefer to have a purpose in life even if someone else doesn't see it as such a big thing, its a big thing to me and it's a big thing for others, even if no one else understands it :)
     
  5. FrigginAnT

    FrigginAnT Humanity is like a train wreck....its fun to watch

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  6. NocturnalC

    NocturnalC Guest

    I'm going to have to stay away from this forum, champ...

    I would insult you all in trying to help you. It would be mis-taken, and I'd be censored or banned from the forum. I can't help any of you.

     
  7. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    demon of dreams - congrats on 2 years, 1 month. my b-day is sept 26th, so you're really only about 21 days behind me.
     
  8. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    If you look at what the 12 steps are, you realize you never "Move past them" once you're done. steps 10 and 12 ...

    10 - continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it

    12 - having had a spiritual awakening we tried to carry the message to other addicts (alcoholics, whatever) who still suffer.

    Those aren't finite steps.
     

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