SRS Just ended it with first gf, kinda bummed.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ia_cox, Dec 15, 2006.

  1. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I'm a freshmen in college and I've been dating this girl on and off for over a year. We started out great like all relationships do but it eventually got to the point we were constantly bickering. She was alos manipulative and used sex to try to force commitment on me...she also almost got together with my best friend (they're both at fault, I'll never forgive him about that either). Anyway, this has been a LONG time coming, and I know I'm better off w/o her, but still at this point I'm really sad about it. I dunno...I guess I'm scared I will never find 'love' again? Even though I know I will, it's just hard to tell myself that. I am also scared that over Christmas break she's going to call me up to talk and I'm not going to be strong enough to stay away.

    How hard was it for you guys to get over your first, and any advice to keep from answering her calls?
     
  2. FindersKeepers

    FindersKeepers New Member

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    Getting over her in YOUR situation is easy, you're in college, there's plenty more girls around, go out tonight to a party or something... I know there's going to be one SOMEWHERE around you....
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Why didn't you end things after the incident with your friend, or earlier? You say it was a LONG time coming...
     
  4. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    I was weak, simple as that. That was two months ago
     
  5. bigballofyarn

    bigballofyarn OT Supporter

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    I'm sorry your relationship had to end this way. Not all females are like that, trust me. If you want her out of your life, don't let her be in it. You don't need to accept calls from her. If you feel continuing any type of relationship (friendship) would be damaging to your well-being, then I suggest cutting her off completely. She doesn't seem like she is worthy of your attention anyway.

    Don't rush into anything though just because you don't want to feel alone. That won't be fair to either of you. You WILL find other people. Use this alone time to think about what you want in a potential mate. It may help with the selection process of finding your next partner.

    Best wishes to you.
     
  6. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    That's what I really needed to hear, thanks
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    This is the time to learn from your mistakes. For your next GF you should look at your ex and try to identify traits she had that you won't tolerate next time. For example:

    Argumentative
    Withholding sex :eek3:
    Anything else...

    One thing to keep in mind, too, is that you probably had some traits she didn't like, so how can you improve? My top three to work on for all men is (1) self-confidence (2) self-control and (3) being challenging/fun/exciting/unpredictable.
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    In for support. It sucks. Even when it's not your first.
     
  9. NotSoSmart

    NotSoSmart New Member

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    Yep - always hard, no matter if it's 1st, 2nd or 3rd. The solution is, to just stop talking to them and move on. Find other things to do, and enjoy life -- somehow, when you don't care about noticing girls, they start to notice you.
     
  10. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    Meh, so now it's been two weeks. She and I played together at church on Christmas eve, so I have seen her; horrible idea, had I done it again I would have cancelled out. Christmas is definately the time (at least for me) when you want someone to be with. We talked around that time about us, and discussed what would need to happen for us to ever get back together again. I know that it can't be a successful relationship again, so all the talking did was upset me. I hate the person college has changed her into, but the person I really miss is the sweet girl that I started dating.

    I do have a question for you guys though, just for my own thoughts. The biggest thing that was driving me away from her was the reluctance to doing anything physical anymore. We went from having sex five times a week or so over the summer to only once over the last two months of our relationship, and she was never willing to do anything else. She told me that she wanted to wait until she was sure that I was "committed" to her, and that she felt our relationship had "matured" past needing sex. I don't know if that's her true feelings; I'm thinking the majority reason is that most of her floor mates at school are virgins and me being her third guy made her in her mind a slut. She never admitted to that however. My thoughts on this whole thing were that I could never feel commited unless I was happy with how the all aspects of the relationship were, physical included. She did not like that and basically told me that was mine, not our, problem to figure out. I brought up that mature relastionships have to match physically, and for it not to is in my mind a reason to break up. She didn't like that either, again saying it was something I needed to figure out, and that me even bringing that up meant that I was only in the relationship for sex, even though I explained that I could have had easier, drama free sex with out her. Question is: had I put more energy in being attractive to her would she have changed her views on sex and wanting it more? I know what I could have done to make her want me more, just issues such as being busy at school and other things prevented me from putting more time into it. I'm not asking for a remedy for this situation, just wondering if a woman's attraction to someone can be great enough that it will overthrow any inhibitions that they might have.
     
  11. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    No worries, I was the same way with my first love. Look at this as a learning experience, and move on with your life. :)
     
  12. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    there is no easy answer to your question as we are all individuals.
     
  13. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    P.S. Sex is a very healthy part of a relationship both mentally and physically. I would not suggest dating anyone who denies it from you on the basis of you not being "committed", or your relationship not needing it. That is complete bullshit.

    You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let this bug you too much, its part of growing up.
     
  14. ia_cox

    ia_cox Active Member

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    What kept me with her was at the beginning we clicked very well. I've had a few flings with other girls before her, just month long semi-relationships, but she was the first that shared my values and was intelligent. She's completely different now, she's changed so much more than she realizes being at school (as I have too), and we weren't committed enough to each other to grow together. It was just hard letting go of the person she used to be...however now she's just a selfish bitch:hs:
     

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