SRS just dont know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by babiedollgirl, Dec 12, 2008.

  1. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    8 months ago my husband out of nowhere left me. Ever since then I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hate the way I feel. I’m happy sad mad upset all at the same time. Sometime I wonder if there is really something wrong with me. Maybe I’m sick maybe I’m twisted I just don’t know anymore. I have all these feelings of resentment for what’s happened to me and they just don’t go away. I’m so angry sometimes I can barely catch my breath or see straight. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass it will get better. When? When is this magical day supposed to happen when I feel free when it no longer will feel like a 100 lb weight is on my chest when I can look in the mirror and be happy with the person I see. Its been 8 months now and I still feel the same. What am I doing wrong I just don’t know. Every one keeps telling me I need to start living for my self do things that make me happy how am I supposed to do that when I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. Everything I used to like to do has been stripped away. Even as I’m typing this a million thoughts are running through my head there’s a lump in my throat and my chest feels tight. It almost feel like if I screamed as loud as I can maybe then I would feel better. I know though that will solve nothing I need to be strong I need to carry on because that is who I am its what I do I am the strong one always have been always will be. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be strong anymore I want to be taken care of I want to fall apart but I cant. Everyone has told me its ok to that they would be there if I needed them yet only 1 person has really been there for me the only person who listens and doesn’t try to fix me. Although to be honest maybe I do need fixing I feel broken. My mom told me I am her hero for going through this with such grace and strength. How do you tell someone who says that to you that your dying inside. That everyday you think about just getting wasted to make it all go away for a few measly hours to get some relief from the pain you have been living with for 8 months now. I really think I need to get back on my medication ( paxil and ambien) so at least I can get some sleep at least on the paxil it wasn’t as bad. Haunting dreams and constant anxiety when I’m awake is my life now. None of this has probably made sense its just me rambling hoping maybe if I type what I’m feeling it will help.
     
  2. LEFTY02

    LEFTY02 New Member

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    it makes perfect sense. i am right there with you. my fiance broke it off 6 months ago after 3 years together. no matter what i do i cant shake the pain or depression. like you, the things i used to love doing dont make me happy anymore and the people i used to hang out with i dont want to talk to.

    im sorry i dont have any answers for you, but atleast you know theres others going thru the same thing.
     
  3. hellagrant

    hellagrant New Member

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    Don't use medication. That shit will only mess with your mind and body. What you need to do is keep focused and busy. Go to the gym, start running like crazy. Focus more on work or school. Stay busy to keep him off your mind and to improve self esteem.

    Too many people in this country rely on pills to stay balanced. Pills just f*** you up.

    I also think you should go out and get some action. Don't be a slut or anything but go out, find a guy you are attracted to and just do him. Sex really is the best cure for anything.
     
  4. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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  5. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    I know this doesnt sound like something you can do right now. but you need to change the way you feel about your situation. I went through this over a girl i dated for about 6 years, after we were done, it took me a while to figure myself out. One day i decided that I didnt want to feel like shit about something that was out of my hands. after that, things picked up.


    so have some hope and believe in yourself.
     
  6. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    The medication made me feel normal again helped me function helped me sleep without waking up in the middle of the night screaming. As far as getting action i am ive been seeing someone for a couple of months now hes the only one who has helped at all. He will sit there for hours and let me vent when things get to hard for me to contain them myself. Im thinking of seeing a professional and checking into if they can run tests to see if i have an imbalance the just happen to be triggered by the situation or if it really is all in my head.
     
  7. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    Thats the thing for the 3 months i was on the paxil i was able to do that everyone kept saying how they couldn't believe i was doing so well. I would tell them that there was no reason to be upset over something that i couldn't change. Ever since i stopped the meds i cant seem to feel that way anymore :dunno:
     
  8. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    And nothing has changed since then except you quit using drugs. I think you already know that you're the only person stopping yourself from being happy.

    So I guess you need to make a choice: do you want to be on drugs for the rest of your life or are you going to take control of your life and get through it? Haven't you had to deal with a breakup before? How did you get over it then? There's no reason to constantly dwell on the past.
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    This sounds like grief that hasn't been sorted out. I think it's time to think about writing a letter to your husband and expressing exactly how you feel.

    You don't have to send the letter, but I think it's time to put things into true perspective and express what you really feel.

    Actually, it would be in your best interest to express your anger and rage in a constructive way. Yelling is fine, as long as it's not in a place that is "destructive" to you or others. I think you need to really get that anger up and to the surface. The reason it's not coming out as quickly as you would like is because you don't appear to feel you're entitled to having your feelings, and to giving them the "reality" that they desire to have. They "want" out of your head, and for you to express them.

    There are many constructive ways to face grief. Talking here was a start, but beware this can be destructive as people here have their own problems and sometimes will lash out and simplify or minimize your problems as a way of projecting their own pain. So beware of the advice you take.

    You don't need fixing. You're feelings are completely normal given the context. It's like death, when someone you care about leaves this world, or your life -- there isn't really a "wrong" way to express it, as long as you're not hurting yourself or others.

    I think who ever told you that it's strong to suppress your self (Your emotions are one aspect of you) has not served you and has told you an untruth. It's actually quit contrary. Expressing your feelings constructively is exactly why feelings exist. They serve us in protecting, guiding, and helping us survive in this world. They have a biological purpose, and by suppressing them to the point that they can cause illness, or debilitate the individual, that's not strength, that's weakness. Fatigue and suffering set in, in those who suppress their emotions because it runs counter to what they need. This isn't a subjective opinion, it's a medical fact.

    There are times and places to suppress emotion and a time to be patient, and there are other times when it's critical to make sure you express it and wield it like a sword, in anger, to protect yourself from threats, from loss. Even happiness, that's an emotion that's necessary for our wellbeing.

    What you said made perfect sense to anyone who has even a remote understanding of grief and loss. I don't think it's a bad idea to use medications when you're debilitated by symptoms, but I think it's very important that you work on expressing your grief and feelings more intensely. It's time to get messy and to do some screaming, punching pillows, writing letters, crying hysterically, or and just letting yourself "feel" the real pain. It must get messy and it's going to hurt more and I know that seems counter intuitive, but I assure you, I've been down this road myself and guided others hundreds of times. It's time you must relinquish some control, and trust that mother nature has reasons for instilling you with emotions, and now you must let it be.
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2008
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    That's because the medication was masking the symptoms. It's nice to get some relief, but what you're experiencing will not be "cured" with medication, what you require is probably help moving through your grief with a counselor, if you continue to have difficulty functioning.

    If you're planning on seeing a counselor, or a psychiatrist, it's really important that you not use other unhealthy ways of masking your pain, such as drinking, non-prescribed drugs, or other potentially destructive behavior.
     
  11. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    :ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:
     
  12. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    Until she gets addicted to the drugs and the drugs start causing the symptoms. It's been 8 months and drugs aren't going to offer anything but temporary relief.
     
  13. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Not all medications cause negative symptoms or addiction (I think you mean chemical dependence or physical dependency, not addiction), and a specialist and her can make that decision regarding what would be most suited for her and the particular context.

    Note: Difference between drug addiction and chemical dependency:

    Addiction: "Drug addiction is widely considered a pathological state. The disorder of addiction involves the progression of acute drug use to the development of drug-seeking behavior, the vulnerability to relapse, and the decreased, slowed ability to respond to naturally rewarding stimuli. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) has categorized three stages of addiction: preoccupation/anticipation, binge/intoxication, and withdrawal/negative affect. These stages are characterized, respectively, everywhere by constant cravings and preoccupation with obtaining the substance; using more of the substance than necessary to experience the intoxicating effects; and experiencing tolerance, withdrawal symptoms, and decreased motivation for normal life activities.[2]

    Physical Dependence:
    "Physical dependence is different from addiction. The latter is often characterized by a compulsive need for a drug, while the former is characterized by tolerance and withdrawal symptoms on discontinuing the use of a drug, such that a physician may recommend to a patient who no longer requires that particular medication, thus leading to withdrawl (Even when tapering)."
    Grief can take awhile to root up, but when it actually impedes quality of life and does not seem to progress in spite of the person's best efforts, the person may need help moving through it, this can include counseling and appropriately prescribed medication, as the studies done all suggest that they work better together than each individually does alone. Counseling can take awhile to root up these things that have led to this difficulty and to help the person in their process of changing. During that time of learning and getting a lot of feelings out, the person shouldn't be left to suffer unbearably if their quality of life was already depressed by their situation, but they also shouldn't be numb and dumb with inappropriate drugs or poorly chosen prescribed medications. The patient should still be able to "feel" -- that is the goal in a case like this, but medication should take the edge off, allowing the person to function in their life, but also go to therapy to do the work that is necessary.
     
  14. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    Made an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow will update when i get back... Thanks for the support everyone and a big thanks to metallic blue your advice really pushed me to seek help
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You're welcome. Sorry I don't have a quick fix, but to get through this you'll have to walk through the fire and feel the burn. If the therapist is good, you'll know -- because it'll hurt, and you're going to get angry.

    Once it's over with, you'll be free.
     

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