SRS Just broke up.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Boy Bravado, May 16, 2009.

  1. Boy Bravado

    Boy Bravado fuck this

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    I messed up bigtime.

    Here's a little backstory. (ok maybe not so little)

    I was going out with a 18 years old freshman at this university I was going to. I met her prior the start of the school year. I took her out on a tour around the City. I took her to a wedding as my date. We hit it off big time. We were in love with each other. Then she started school in the fall (I didn't start till January). We saw each other once or twice a week, she often slept over at my apartment (I didn't sleep at her dorm cuz her bed was barely enough for a person).

    I felt self-conscious around her. I started feelin ashamed of doing weed, of wasting my life and money on useless stuff, and of not be able to be more communicative to her. I dont know why I let my emotions lock up inside me. I know I love this girl, but I don't say it enough, or I just wait for her to say "I love you" first, then I'll say the same thing to her. We went out to the restaurants, I took her to shopping sometimes, we hung out with mutual friends, and so on. She never really experienced the university life for herself.

    Then in January, I moved closer to her and started going to that school. We saw each other everyday and slept together at my new place almost everyday. It was a serious drain on my emotional and mental health. I just found it harder to be around her, I needed to spend time with friends and school. I got irritated at her easily.

    I got back into weed just to chill the fuck out and keep the love alive in the relationship. I didn't tell her until later, a month before we broke up. (I quit now though).

    There were a few days where I got tired of her, but there were other days I was in love with her and couldn't imagine being with anyone else beside her.

    To be honest, I considered breaking up with her a few times, but I didn't want to leave her in a bad shape while she was on her own for the first time in university and dealing with a crazy workload. I wanted to wait till after she finished and see how I felt then.

    So when the end of school came rolling around, I decided I wanna stay with her, but work started to keep me really busy around this time. I told her I would see her once a week, but I couldn't do that....

    I started to see a few changes between us. She wasn't really talking to me anymore and I kinda got jealous about her hanging out with her guy friends (I couldn't help it). I told her about it and she was like trying to assure me its all in good intentions. I believed her and I told her I trust her.

    I couldn't shake the feeling though so I wrote her a long letter that I wish I didn't because I'm sure that was the catalyst for the breakup. (I deleted it because I didn't wanted to be reminded how I fucked it up really bad). The letter consited of asking her to decide whether she wanna stay with me or just break up with me. It was more of trying to get her to talk to me, than to force her into a decision but she didn't see it the same way as I did.

    So she broke it off with me. Telling me she couldn't handle this change and that her feelings changed. I pleaded for one more chance and she said wait one more week without talking and see how she feels (we talked practically every day since we first met). I just lost it. I cancelled our relationship status, deleted every pictures of us on my fb page, and untagged myself in her pictures. I just knew it was over, no matter if I waited a week, I was sure she'd say the same thing. Then I made the stupid mistake of coming back to her with tail between the legs the next day, telling her I'm sorry for that overreaction and I poured my heart out, telling her I hated myself, I couldn't imagine a life without her and I wished things were different. Her tone really changed in a day, she was no longer the same girl I've been talking to in the last 9 month. She was cold. Uncaring. Different.

    It's been almost a week since I talked to her. I miss her terribly. I've been trying to convince myself to just forget her, but she just keeps popping up in my mind. I keep entertainin this fantasy that if I change my ways, I get more fit, I get lots of friends and start becoming more expressive of my feelings, she'd fall in love with me again. Such a dumb hollywood fantasy. I'm just trying to realize what a futile effort that would be, choking that last vestige of hope.

    I feel that my life has led me into this direction. I had no control over anything.

    I dunno why I wrote this really... I guess I was looking for a small comfort in releasing my thoughts.

    :wtc: I just want to move on and forget her. Is it possible to forget your first love?
     
  2. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    My first love just broke up with me about 1 month ago and I'm still in some fantasy world that we will get back together soon.

    Yeah today is easier than the first day was. You'll find that eventually a whole day will go by without her popping into your head and you will be able to move on with your life. Either that, or one day you will just get sick of yourself sitting around moaping about some selfish dumb bitch who doesn't care enough about you.

    Hindsight is 20/20. Give it some time and maybe you'll find reasons that it's good you both broke up?

    Or, just wait a month and try talking to her again. Maybe if you really change you two can work it out.
     
  3. Troy

    Troy New Member

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    At this point your only chance is to break off ALL contact with her, you begging and pleading makes you look weak, women despise this..I know your hurting, I've been where you are, put on a happy face as hard as it may be. DO NOT put her on a pedestal, you will surely have no chance if you do. Give this a few weeks and chances are she may contact you, when she does play it real cool, don't ask any relationship stuff, make HER ask to have you back.
     
  4. JadedFlower

    JadedFlower New Member

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    You sound like youve been hurt by some cold bitch dude...

    Id say force yourself to distance yourself from her. From your last encounter it sounds like shes moved on and is trying to push you away at this point. If when youre able to compose yourself without feeling some hatred or longing around her see if you're even able to be friends, based on what your saying that may not even be possible at this point.
     
  5. WFUWaldo

    WFUWaldo New Member

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    You will be able to move on, but you will never forget your first love. And, in the end, you'll be better for remembering.
     
  6. alwaysth

    alwaysth New Member

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    Yes it is one-hundred percent of the time; You will find other women be sucessfull and have better realtionships. Never count on her being the "one" unless you know that the time is right. For now just enjoy the pleasure and company of realtionships, but don't make it your only source of being happy with yourself. I have made that mistake but have learned as I dated more and more women. You will change as you grow up man, you are only 18-- you have so much time to find more women. Don't let her get to you, you are fine man it's all mental, and you can be strong. Focus on being confident, get a new article of clothing, go out to eat, hang out with freinds, be happy and motivate yourself by doing something you like. I wish you the best of luck and I have full faith in you, also message me if you'd like to talk more [I've been in your shoes before.]--
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    As they have said, you will be able to wake up and not be reminded of when she would be lying next to you - but it will take a while.

    Get yourself clean, mentally healthy and then preoccupy yourself. Sitting around at home feeling sorry for yourself won't help the healing process.

    Sometimes we don't have a say in what happens and we have to deal with choices that suck. You will move on, you will remember he for a very long time (if not forever) and your life will continue :)
     
  8. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    like others have said, give it time. it's going to take longer than a week. MUCH longer.
     
  9. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    only if you meet someone better.
     
  10. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    My best advice is to find a good friend. When my first love and I broke up, it was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I was in love with this girl for over 6 years, and when things went south it was almost unbearible. But I found a good friend, someone to just sit around with and talk about shit. It really helped. And over time, I got over her. Trust me, you'll find someone new, and when you do, you'll realize that you can have a more healthy relationship with someone once you already know what didnt work in the past.
     
  11. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    it took me almost two years to get over my first love. it's a pretty strong connection. the relationship ended almost the same as yours. I threatened to break up just to get the person to talk to me and the person ended up saying he didn't feel the same way about me anymore.

    The best thing to do is to not blame yourself. The pain of that coupled with the pain of the breakup does more harm than good AND you shouldn't feel bad for something that isn't your fault.

    If all it took for this girl to leave you was a letter, the relationship was not sound enough to last the test of time anyways.
     

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