SRS Just broke up...should I feel like this?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by NEGROTIATOR, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. NEGROTIATOR

    NEGROTIATOR New Member

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    I was dating this girl for 10 months (actually the longest i've been able to stay with someone) and she's always known that I don't completely trust her because I have my personal issues. Lately, we've been having some problems and we broke up a couple weeks ago but we both realized we wanted to be together.

    She has a male best friend that I've known about for some time but do not like. They've known each other since like junior high or something. She says they haven't seen each other in over a year but whenever I'm over just studying or something and they're conversing she always tells him that I'm over. I don't know what that's supposed to be mean...?

    I was over at her place earlier this week and got upset that she stopped in the middle of our conversation to respond to a text message from him. Later on, I was hesitant but decided to check what she was replying to. The message said, "I love you, you made my week". I wasn't happy at all with this and wanted to leave. I ended up staying because I didn't want to make a dumb decision out of anger.

    Fast forward to tonight and I told her I'm just not going to get over another guy telling you that they love you regardless of how good of friends you are. She refuses to compromise her friendship and we ended up breaking up.

    Am I selfish because of this? Am I wrong to ask that these things not be said? She said that she regrets being with me and I'm retarded for breaking up with her over this. She also said that it just shows that i have zero confidence and trust and all that stuff.

    Sorry for babbling and thanks for reading.:hsd:
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2007
  2. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    Personaly nothing turns me off more then suspision and trusting issues. I don't know what her intention was, maybe she was going to cheat on you. I think you did the right thing leaving.
    But don't be a child and expect your SO's to stop seeing their friends cause they are of opposite sex.

    If you don't like them for who they are now, don't be with them. Who are you to make them change?
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    It doesn't matter if you're being selfish or not. If you want to break up with her, you can. It is that simple.

    I think you're completely justified. It sounds like she is giving this guy more attention then you. Also, it doesn't sound like the relationship was that stable to begin with.

    You're probably better off in the long run. I can almost guarantee that at least one of them wants to be with the other.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You did the right thing. You don't have trust in her and you never will. Move on, grow up, and become less jaded about cheating. Hopefully find a woman who does not have a best friend who is male :) Seriously though, you will be glad soon that you did this.
     
  5. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    You need to find someone that has the same ideas about what appropriate friendship behavior is. Some people would find it completely normal to tell friends of the opposite sex that they love them, other people would say that's over the line. You need to find someone you fit with better so that you'll trust them. You can't trust someone if you already know that you don't agree on what's ok and what's not.
     
  6. I support your decision, her actions are not clear or right. I was in the same situation at one point, I wish I had done what you said you did. Just get rid of her while I was ahead.

    Congratulations, you did the right thing.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You did the right thing.
     
  8. Asses Maximus

    Asses Maximus Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns d

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    This is how I view male friends when I have a GF. If they were there before I was, they are most likely not a threat. If something was going to happen, it would have already. Guy friends that come around after I become the BF bother me. I'm not sure of their intentions. Most likely they want what most guys want and she might give it to them. This is not a rule and the end all of everything. Its just based on my personal experiences.

    Having said all that... If one of them said "I love you" and not in a joking manner, I'd be pissed. As long as you are telling the whole story, I think you did the right thing in this situation.
     
  9. Roasted

    Roasted New Member

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    I agree. I'm almost 100% certain that if you did the same thing she would get jealous too. Some chicks are stupid like this.
     
  10. Legend Zero

    Legend Zero OT Supporter

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    you're telling me you don't have any friends whom are girls that you told you love them before, and completely meant it? Saying "I love you" doesn't have to mean i want to fuck you, but if there is a friend that you're willing to do anything for, that phrase does get used often between good friends. ;)

    but anyways, this is kind of a funny thread, because i'm a little upset at one of my friends who is a girl for doing something that i thought was disrespectful of her by choosing her bf over me.

    guess it just depends on if you have a lot of friends who are women or not in terms of how you would react to this. :hs:
     
  11. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Your ex-girlfriend did NOTHING wrong, but you were right to break up with her because you're obviously very insecure.
     
  12. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I somewhat agree. I don't think she did anything wrong, I think they just have different ideas of what's appropriate between friends. They either need to talk about it and find common ground that makes them both happy (she stops saying "I love you" but is still able to have him as a close friend, etc) or they need to be over. I'm guessing the later is probably better for these two since they haven't been able to talk it out yet.
     
  13. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Agreed for the most part :hs: but I do think henging the success of your relationship on a single term ("i love you") as opposed to the meaning and context behind it is unhealthy. People tell other people they care about that they love them. Parents say it to children, siblings say it to siblings, lovers tell it to lovers and friends tell it to friends. It doens't automatically mean ANYTHING beyond that the people saying it have affection for one another...generally, a best friend will feel love for their best friend, regardless of gender. Nothing in the text you stated implies cheating or romantic interest at all.
     
  14. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    But I think that that is a personal opinion that doesn't go for everyone. I don't think it means the same thing to everyone and some people feel that caring about friends is one thing, tell them "I love you" is another. Other think that it's great to tell others they love them as often as possible. I don't think there is a right or wrong issue here, I think it's just that their feelings on the subject are conflicting. I love my friends but don't really tell them that, not because I feel like it would be wrong, but just because I feel like that is a personal sentiment that I leave for those I'm romantically involved with. They know I care about them but I don't normally express it verbally like that. But that's my personal choice and I'm just happy to have someone who feels the same way :).
     
  15. Asses Maximus

    Asses Maximus Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns d

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    I might use love ya. I have never used it in romantic manner and since text messages dont really convey emotion, tone, or sarcasm very well I dont use it in texts unless I mean it.

    You are right it gets thrown around way too much.
     
  16. NEGROTIATOR

    NEGROTIATOR New Member

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    I asked this of her and she refused to compromise. This just lead me to believe that she holds this assclown higher than me. I understand that but hold someone else higher and tell me you still care about me. (hard to put into words)
     
  17. NEGROTIATOR

    NEGROTIATOR New Member

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    It does get thrown around too much. Like verdiocchi I love the friends that I have and I wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world but I don't voice it to them because i don't need to. They know that i'm always here for them and vice versa.
     
  18. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I don't think it necessarily means that she holds him above you, it might just be that she doesn't feel that she's doing anything wrong and shouldn't have to stop. That would be the thing that would cause me to end a relationship. If she isn't actively trying to compromise or understand where you're coming from, the relationship will probably never work. That goes for you too though.
     
  19. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    trust is essential, no matter the reasons. if you feel you couldnt trust her then it's best you didnt stay with her. that's one of the few times when sticking with your intuition is best.
     
  20. NEGROTIATOR

    NEGROTIATOR New Member

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    :hugot: Thanks for reading for responding guys. I just needed get this off my mind somewhere somehow.

    I don't think she cheated on me and I do think she cared about me. But I also felt it was unfair and wrong saying that she accepted me with my flaws only to say that I have to deal with my issues alone. With the difference in opinion the issue would just resurface at a later date, which we both agreed; so I couldn't let the relationship carry on.

    I guess right now I have to work on myself before I can start to move foward and passed this.
     
  21. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    The only thing that would bother me is the fact that she stopped the conversation to text him back. It just shows a lack of respect for the person you are having a conversation with. So I agree with Viper in a way.

    I also am in agreement with verdiocchi on the "i love you" thing. My friends know I care and I will always back them up but I leave I love you to my relationships. Its just not a term I like to throw around unless I truly mean it in a relationship.
     
  22. rtzcom

    rtzcom bon wons! fight slepa for life sone!~

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    If she knew that what she was doing made you uncomfortable, and didn't exert any effort to make you feel better and secure....then you did the right decision. She obviously has her priorities wrong.

    If she really cared about you as an SO, she would have put you before her friends.
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Do you know what it was that made him say that? Did you see the other texts? I don't think it was right for her to stop in the middle of your conversation to reply because that was rude. The i love you thing doesn't necessarily mean anything though. I've said stuff like that or had it said to me when it was just something funny. Like someone would say something that makes me laugh my ass off and i'd be like "omg i love you, that made my day". You really need to know the context of the comment to know what's really going on.
     
  24. rtzcom

    rtzcom bon wons! fight slepa for life sone!~

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    True, but even if it was used in a casual context, and the girl knew it made him uncomfortable...she could have always stopped using it for his sake. If it was really nothing, then it should be worth nothing to lose either...if it in return gave the relationship more trust, and peace of mind for your other half.
     

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