jealousy how to deal with it

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by nx2vgt, Oct 19, 2009.

  1. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    i made the venting thread. i am a jealous person i know it and i want to fix it.
    example of my jealousy
    my ex came home from work and was talking about wrestling with her boss at work ie punching and pushing

    i got jealous but before you guys/girls say thats no reason to get jealous that is the same way she flirts

    next example we play volleyball and we were at practice and she was talking to another person say i dont feel i play good enough around X he is such a good player then we get in the car and she says to me x is an asshole dont your think. x is so rude and x is such a jerk and goes on on other things
    i was like wtf go suck his dick shit as she proceeded to tell me she was just mad about him i asked why do you feel the need to waste so much of your time if you dont like him

    i know the go suck his dick was a little far and i apologized for it
     
  2. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    i also went to pick her up from work one day and she was sitting in the car with her ex back to the window talking to him and i ask what it was about and she replied he said he was trying to serenade me
     
  3. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    You know what your issue is, and you know how you "deal" with it (from the last thread you said you go quiet until you are probed about it.)

    I'd say the first step is acknowledging your jealousy when it happens instead of just shutting down. Talk about it, and hopefully you can create a pattern that shows you that even when you are feeling jealous there is no real reason to be concerned that your girl was talking to another guy because nothing bad ever happens as a result of her talking to other guys.

    Once you establish a pattern of acknowledging there was no real reason to be jealous maybe you'll stop letting it get to you. Everyone feels jealous at times, it's human nature, but it is how you let it affect you that is a bad thing imo.

    To partially use your first post there... why waste your time and effort worrying about something that didn't have any negative impact on you? She talked to some dude, but went home with you... therefore there was no negative impact other then you bottling up your jealousy.
     
  4. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    very true about her going home with me and i had starting getting better about it but then she left. i started to realize that she wasnt going with them she was going with me.
    thank you very much for your input it means alot
     
  5. Gogoplata

    Gogoplata Guest

    Sometimes jealousy issues will change depending on the type of person you are with. Everyone has different boundaries and maybe her boundaries and yours are very different. Dating someone else - you may find that there boundaries better suit your comfort levels and the jealousy will subside.

    Doesn't sound like you're going to make it through this one. Unless she is ultra patient - she's going to leave you over this eventually. It's not fun for you and it's not fun for her. You either have to start seeing a therapist or find someone who's personality better suits yours.
     
  6. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    she is very patient but i am going to look for someone to talk to about it
     
  7. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    Sometimes I wish I was more jealous. Monogamy just seems like such a shitty deal when you are not jealous. :hs:
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Many girls would like such a guy, if you are not jealous and possibly like to have some kind of relationship just get into a poly relationship I guess.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    Hard to get and even harder to maintain. I had it up until very recently and it really is the ideal way to go for me. I'm not sure if its a too good to last kind of thing or what.
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah, very hard to get, you have to find a very good match for it to last.
     
  11. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    anyone else with some good advice ?
     
  12. Orly_Yarly

    Orly_Yarly New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    Why would you be jealous of your ex?
     
  13. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Why do you read the first two words, then ignore the rest of the sentence?
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    What are you so scared of? Find the root of the problem. Is it low self confidence? Are you truely afraid of losing your partner?

    Jealousy that strong doesn't come about for no reason. you are scared of something.

    I completely agree with everyone else. Some girls will make you 100% sure you have nothing to worry about and other girls will make you sure that if you don't always bring your a-game you will lose them in a heartbeat. You sound like a special case though where its rooted in your own issues. No way to tell that from just your post though because its not that hard for a girl to turn a guy into a jealous wreck if that's just the way she is.
     
  15. TriPinTaZ

    TriPinTaZ !!!.!!!.!!!!.U.U.!!!!.U.! !!!! WTF?

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    361
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FTL
    You have no right to be jealous of your EX.
     
  16. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    not jealous of my ex as of now just talking about passed cases of jealousy

    antihero
    i have come to the conclusion that watching women come and go since i was a child has alot to do with it. i am truly afraid of losing a partner
     
  17. Orly_Yarly

    Orly_Yarly New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    I didn't ignore the rest..

    Legit question.. Why would someone be jealous of their ex? I could give two shits less what my ex does - or with whom. There's a reason we're not together any more, there for, the least I would ever become is jealous..
     
  18. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hsugh: he was talking about when they were together and how he used to get jealous!
     
  19. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    Im not sure what the best way to deal with this is.

    I would say you need to focus on two separate things. first, fake it till you make it. You know that acting jealous and saying things like you do is just going to push people further away from you. You are creating what you fear (women leaving). You need to control yourself. Learn to either act cool about it, or at least tone it down a bit, even when you have the urge to snap.

    Next you need to work on learning that you are someone who has value and that if someone wants to leave, its an issue of incompatibility. I never worry about a woman leaving me. If she finds someone she likes better than me, I wish the two of them all the happiness in the world. She and I clearly weren't right for each other.
     
  20. nx2vgt

    nx2vgt New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Braunfels
    thank you antihero
    one other thing i wouldnt be so hurt but we were going to get married and she got close to my little girl
     
  21. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    First step in dealing with jealousy is to avoid crazy bitches who play on those emotions.

    Otherwise you might as well ask a doctor how to stop bleeding while stabbing yourself with a knife.
     
  22. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    Are you talking about the fact that it didn't work out in the end, or you really still feel that her saying "so and so is good at volleyball" is really hurtful?
     
  23. TriPinTaZ

    TriPinTaZ !!!.!!!.!!!!.U.U.!!!!.U.! !!!! WTF?

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    361
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FTL

    AH I missed the part where you were talking in the past. I thought you were saying you are currently jealous of your Ex.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Very very true.

    If I knew my boyfriend was the crazy jealous type you better believe I would never utter anything that could be construed by him that I was flirting or a guy was flirting with me hardcore.

    The fact that his now ex knew he was the crazy jealous type, yet continued to flirt with other men while he was around or tell him about it later is just....well it's just stupid of him to be with someone like that. There are women out there who don't feed their ego by boasting about the men who flirt with them to get a rise out of their SO.
     
  25. Orly_Yarly

    Orly_Yarly New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    My bad - missed that part..
     

Share This Page