SRS I've Said Yes

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SixSecrets, Feb 3, 2008.

  1. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    I used to date him some 20-odd years ago. He asked me to marry him back then. I said no, partly because at the time he drank a lot and partly because I wanted my freedom and to explore the world.

    20 years. Long time. He stayed true to himself, quit drinking, cleaned up his act and has 2 more years to go before he has his 35 years in as a mailman and can retire. He never got married. In those 20 years we kept in touch through letters, birthday cards and the occassional phone call.
    In those 20 years I travelled abroad, continued my education, love, lost, melted down, and experienced the good, the bad and the ugly...more bad and ugly I should think.

    I recently hooked up wih him again last August. It was as if we had seen each other just 20 seconds ago and it was as comfortable as an old pair of slippers. We found we could trust one another, share our secrets, laugh our fool heads off and I smile and just feel so damned good when I am with him.
    I went and stayed with him at his house for 2 weeks in September. He opened a drawer in his desk and every card and letter I had sent him for the past 20 years was in it. I was speechless and I also realized this man cares for me a lot. Since September he has called me every single day even though he lives over 1,800 miles away.

    He came and stayed with me during the Holidays. It was wonderful.

    He asked me to move in with him and I am going to throw caution to the wind, and, in April, at 52 years old,I'm going to pack up myself and my 4 cats and move 1,800 miles be with someone I adore and who adores me back.

    If there is one thing I have learned in my time on this planet, nothing is certain and then I think, hey, I am 52, he's 54, we know the score, I know he'll take good care of me and I of him. I won't have a caddy and a fur coat, but I will have a warm parka and reliable transportation with him. Most importantly, we both are aware of one another's foibles and know there will be a period of adjustment. Moreover, we love one another...not the breathless love that one experiences when the world is viewed through rose-tinted glasses and life is very heady. However I think love can be quiet, strong, and companionable.

    Giving up my lucrative job, my house, the ocean, and starting a new life at 52, landlocked with someone I love, scares me to death and I cannot figure out why.

     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    The answer is simple. Because you're choosing the number 1 thing that matters most to you, and putting yourself first. Out of all the things in the world that you "had to do" or were "afraid to do" in love, work, etc -- are gone and now you're making a new choice.

    The biggest risk is the most terrifying, because it carries the biggest reward.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2008
  3. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I just think that is such a beautiful story.
     
  4. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    . truely heartwarming
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    .
     
  6. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    wow. Just beautiful. I wish you the best!
     
  7. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I don't, and I wish I could share my true feelings about it.

    However, I won't. Nevertheless I wish the thread starter good luck.
     
  8. 2500

    2500 Guest

    This is why I don't give up on relationships. My BFs mom did it, and now, 30+ years later, she finds her "first love" who apparently shes loved all this time. I am not going to be the one who wastes 20+ years only to go back with the same person. I want the good in the years with the bad. Not run out on the good because of the bad.

    But, thats my opinion, and I'm happy for the OP that she got a second chance with this dude, and I wish her the best.
     
  9. MoRe

    MoRe New Member

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    Only The Titanic can be more corny than this.
     
  10. giz

    giz Active Member

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    I actually began to cry when I read this. Beautiful.
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'm sure she won't be scalded by your epinion of this. Not that you're obligated to share :dunno:
     
  12. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    4 cats? geezus christ!
     
  13. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Ive had 5 cats, im not crazy.
     
  14. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    :hsugh: just lonely?

    5 cats would scare me off thats for sure.... but congrats to the tc
     
  15. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That is so beautiful and you are such a lucky woman. I guess sometimes holding onto the past can end up working out.
     
  16. zero xeal

    zero xeal Guest

  17. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    been married to my lovely wife for 4 years, so not lonely.
     
  18. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Good for you SixSecrets!

    Funny how life changes so dramatically in such little time.
     
  19. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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  20. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    :)ty Toasty
     
  21. Menso

    Menso New Member

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    I'm REALLY curious as to what you have to say regarding this.

    As I was reading your story, I was just reminded the whole time of the situation I am in for some strange reason.

    Been in love with the girl for 4, almost 5 years, I don't want this to turn into a 20 year wait because my dumbass would most probably wait 20 years for her.
     
  22. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    . :hs:
     
  23. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    Don't do it man. This story, his story, is a bitterly sad case of the "nice guy." That poor sap has held on to her in his heart for 20 years man. 20 years! That's almost a life sentence.

    In the meantime she went and fucked around with douche bags and ended up a 52 year old single woman with 4 cats, ironically close to the old stereotype. Eventually, loneliness got to her and she realized how sad her prospects had become, so she went back to him because, I'm quite sure, he was all that she had left.

    Look at how she describes him man, "like an old pair of slippers," (something familiar that needs no real effort to get back into)

    "hey, I am 52, he's 54, we know the score, I know he'll take good care of me and I of him."
    (He's old, and so am I, might as well just settle because frankly I'm sure he feels that he's got nothing left as well. It's a pretty safe bet and I'm getting old, time's running out, so I might as well take what I still can.)

    "I won't have a caddy and a fur coat, but I will have a warm parka and reliable transportation with him."
    (I see him as an object of convenience to make my life easier)

    That's not the worst part man, think about the guy. For 20 years he has dreamt of being with her. Ever since that rejection he hasn't been able to let go, which is why he kept all the letters. Does that sound normal to you man? Does that sound like someone who moved on with life? Someone who through his other (if any) relationships kept a meticulous record of his ongoing conversation with his ex?

    He's likely built her up in his mind to a degree of perfection. Oh, the life they could have had together if *only* she had said yes that fateful day! Now he's about to have her back in his life and very quickly he'll discover how far his dream is from reality. A brutal reality check. Do you realize what this means? Do you realize that at the first sign of trouble his mind has 20 years of hindsight to mull on? How soon before the thoughts of what he's missed out in 20 years of hanging on to a wisp of a dream of happiness start to crack his resolve?

    Is that what you want to reduce yourself to? Someone who stood and waited for two decades for some woman to finally realize you were actually worth something more than a passing thought in the form of a letter once every few weeks/months?

    Look again how she talks about him, and this is the worst part of all, the part that bothered me the most. I'm not sold at all on her claim of love for him. "However I think love can be quiet, strong, and companionable." Quiet and companionable? Is this how you want to be loved by the woman you waited 20 years for? Frankly to me it sounds like she's trying to convince herself that she's in love.

    Also, why is he the one that has called her every single day? Why doesn't she call him if she loves him so much? Do you notice how the actions seem painfully honest and true from his side, but rather half hearted from hers? What has she done for him?

    But I digress, let me return to the original point I was going to make. Unless she really loves him, he'll feel it and he'll feel it deep. Also, if he doesn't have quite the life he's hoped for with her, he'll feel that too. Those will be the first cracks in the dam holding back 20 years of longing and loneliness he's had without her.

    If he should realize he's made a mistake, it will destroy him in the most cold and inhuman way imaginable.

    Don't do this to yourself man. If you're capable of waiting 20 years for a woman, realize that you're a good guy. You're someone who has a lifetime of honest companionship to offer, someone who loves one person fully, and jumps into that love without any sort of caution as to whether there will be something to catch you. Beware though, because in that jump you can fall so hard and so far, that there's literally not enough life left in you to get back out.

    Find a girl who will love you as you would love her, someone who appreciates you now for who you are, and not because they feel you're all they have left. You deserve nothing less. Good luck.



    Threadstarter, I'm sorry, and I really hope I'm wrong, for his sake.
     
  24. johan

    johan Active Member

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    very interesting. Well presented. Yes. Very.
     
  25. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    I appreciate and thank you for your concern.
     

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