SRS I've lost her

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by auero, May 1, 2006.

  1. auero

    auero word.

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    Sorry for the long read. Please read it though. I'm in a world right now where I just don't know where to turn..

    I've been talking and been with this girl for about 6-7 months... We were in love from the start but we waited to go out. I wanted to really get to know her and become a good friend first. We loved everything about each other. We didn't hang out every single day and be so clingy but we expressed how much we loved each other a lot. We went out time to time, worked together. It was great. She had somethings she had to get off her chest the other night so I let her, I agreed with her. She said she felt like she was being controlled although I never told her she can't do anything. There was one occasion where she wanted to drink with some guys I didn't know. They were some of her old good friends but I still didn't trust them.

    The next morning I stupidly pushed her off the edge finally. I said I need to know if you are in love with me. She got into a conversation and explained how she can't keep doing this to me, she can't keep giving me false hope. She said she tried to fall back in love but she just couldn't. A few weeks before, her bestfriend and her boyfriend fought right in front of her and broke up. I came in right after and she grabbed me and was so scared but happy to see me. She made me look into her eyes and promise her that I won't let that happen to us. She kept repeating it. I keep my promises.

    A lot of her friends went to her without me making them(I would never do that.) and they told her that she is really making a mistake and kept asking her if this is what she really wants. She never replies to that question. It's a "I don't know" or silence. Her friends know me, they know I'm a really nice, good guy.(Not to sound cocky at all.) They know I love her to death and they dont understand. For some reason a month ago she said she started to say that she isn't in love anymore. She said it's not the same between us and that even if I kiss her she just doesn't feel anything anymore.

    I really do love this girl. I honestly believe that I will never find anyone who will compare to her, she really is the girl of my dreams and she is perfect in every way.She knows that. I asked her why she is putting herself through this. She couldnt sleep for the passed 2 nights, she's been crying she has been as sad and depressed as me but she said she can't have a relationship. She needs to be single. She doesn't want anyone else, its nothing against me but she has no feelings for me... :wtc:

    She told me that I mean everything to her, that I'm the only one who cares for her. She has a lot of problems going on right now in her life and I've been helping her straighting it out and I've helped... She told me she loves me but she just doesn't love me more than a friend. She told me that I am truly her bestfriend if not her only friend. She has plenty of friends but thye are just... people she knows. They aren't there for her like I am. She wants me to be best friends with her! I don't think I can handle this. Some people have told me give her time, she'll realize what she has lost and she should turn... I don't think she will though...

    She texted me last night asking if I was awake, if I was sleeping. She just keeps trying to talk to me. I saw her at work today and she came running after me first thing. I tried to get away so I could avoid her but she walked over and said "Look I got sunburned.. that never happens!" The reason she said this is because we talked about it a couple days prior so it was just funny. She pretended like nothing was wrong at all. Her friend went with her to get something to eat later and she asked her again "Are you sure this is what you want?" Nothing but silence from her. Today I gave her back every note she ever gave me(It was a little thing we did at work or just to make each other happy and each note would say "I love you forever and ever" "No one makes me happier!" or we'd argue about who loves who more.) it was just part of our relationship... I put them in an envelope and made her bestfriend give it to her and her friend added in "I really think you're making a mistake" it's just rare to find good guys I guess I dont know...

    She texted me later saying to me that by doing stuff like this I'm pushing her father and farther away and that I need to stop trying to convince her because she just feels so bad and guilty. I told her that the guilt is from her, not me. I talked with her later again(on the computer, she couldn't talk on the phone) and I asked her I can try to be your friend but it will be hard and you know that. I cant just go from being with you and then being without you. I said be honest with me right now and tell me why you did this. She told me that she doesn't love me like that anymore. She can't give me false hope and she cant keep doing that to me. She told me how she tried to fall back in love with me but she couldn't do it.(I said thats because you're already in love) So I asked her a few things as a friend like "Will there ever be another us?" and she said "I don't think so". I told her that really breaks my heart into pieces and she got mad because she said I asked her that. I told her I understand but it just hurts to know that. I asked her if there was any tiny bit of love left for me in her body and she said no. She told me that I need to give up because I'm pushing her farther and farther away from her. That I just care too much.

    I wouldn't try so hard if I didn't make that promise. You don't fall out of love so quickly. I know her very well and I'm all she really has. Her mother was furious from what my friend said when she found this out. No one will ever care for her as much as I did and I can bet my life on that. I really did and still do love this girl very much. It hurts to know that I may never get her back. She was my deffinition of a perfect girl and it hurts so much to see it go away...

    OT. What do I do? Do I become friends with her? Do I act normal around her? Bestfriends? Will she come to her senses? Will she realize that what she lost was good? She always said I was the best thing to ever happen to her. I think some of the things she's said to me she didn't really mean(that she wasn't in love with me anymore). She told me before "No matter what would ever happen to us, I know it wouldn't be forever..." and I asked her about that and she doesn't know if she meant that or not to be honest. She knows I'm a really good guy, she knows I'd do anything for her but she said its because she is just not in love. All her friends told her shes dumb to be doing this but I dont know. I also have a prom to take her to in 20 days... I told her at first that I didnt want go with her but later decided.. I need to. She really is my bestfriend and I can't hate her for this. I just wish she wouldn't do this.

    What do you guys think? I hate to say it but I never cried this hard since I was a little kid. I'm so lost right now. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or is out of order... I'm just out of sleep, stressed out and going crazy. I'm just depressed over the fact that I've lost something so valuable to me. I told her that in the future if I saw her with someone else, I'd break down because that guy doesnt know what kind of treasure is holding. She said not to worry because thats not for a long time. She wants to be single.

    Forgot to add... I'm going through a lot of personal problems as well as her. We've been there for each other the whole time and this is what made us so close and made us really become more than boyfriend and girlfriend but also bestfriends. And when I told her that she is making a mistake as well as her friends, she replied "Its something I'll have to learn the hard way then..."
     
  2. auero

    auero word.

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    I forgot to add.. she told her bestfriend "oh I need to change my myspace I guess" but she only moved me on her top 8... I know myspace doesn't matter but she won't change the "In a relationship" part and she won't change the stuff she has about me. It's like she can't do it?? She only changed certain parts. I left mine how it is until she changes it.

    edit: correction she did take parts out that had my name and directly refered to me but there still are some things that point to me...
     
  3. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Believe me when I say this: I know what you're going through.

    My gf of 15 months broke up with me last saturday. I'm very sorry that you're going through this... it really is one of the hardest things in life to deal with when you care so much. I'm not very experienced (19, 1 LTR) but i'll go ahead and tell you 2 things that i'm sure of.

    1- that pain does lessen over time so keep that in mind if things don't work out the way you want. i've been without my gf for a week now and it does not hurt anywhere near as much now as it did the day after we broke up.

    2- women don't know what the hell they want at this age. my ex and i had been together 15 months. 10 months into the relationship, she broke up with me. she gave me alot of bs reasons:
    "i feel restricted... like i can't go out to a party without worrying about doing something stupid"
    "i still love you but i don't know if i'm IN LOVE with you"
    "i want to be able to date other people"

    1 week later we were back together. we decided to try an "open relationship" in which we could both date other people but we wouldn't make out/grope/sleep with them. for the next 5 months she didn't date ANYONE. we talked about it and she said she was happy with our relationship. she would tell me how much she loves me and how she couldn't be without me (oh, not in love with me you say?).

    yeah, she went out to parties, got wasted once, and flirted with guys. did anything more happen? no. did i stop her or hold her back from doing anything? no. this girl would literally cry on the phone if i was busy and couldn't talk to her at night. the last 5 months of our relationship had more love and passion than the first 10. she changed her view on every single 'reason' she first broke up with me over.

    i just want to show you that whatever the fuck she says, chances are, she's lying.
     
  4. auero

    auero word.

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    Its very odd though. This girl never lies. She hates liars and I know she'd never cheat. She's just perfect. I don't know what got into her head that she isn't in love anymore!

    She said that the love is just gone....

    The only true love is lost love. Does anyone agree with that? What can I say to make her understand that this is wrong! She always told me that she loved me and I was the best thing to ever happen to her and she never wants to lose me. She said the only way it can happen is if I end it. She told me she meant that when she said it THEN. How can I make her realise that this is wrong! She knows its wrong because I asked her "Dont you think this is a mistake, do you REALLY want to do this? Deep down" and she said"I guess not.. i don't know..."
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2006
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She is going to tell you a lot of things to help ease the pain on you. She does care about you, and this is why she won't say what she really needs to say. Plus, she truly does value your friendship, and why not! You did everything you could for her (and that was a mistake...) and so she truly does value that. However she doesn't have that romantic feeling towards you, and that bothers her. Not because she wants to have romantic feelings for you, but because she cares about you as a friend and knows that you are infatuated with her. She knows how much this is going to hurt you so she keeps trying to be in touch with you, joke with you, etc, thinking that all of this will help you. Unfortunately, it does not help. It only causes you more pain, and keeps dragging you along because it keeps your hopes up.

    No, you are not ready to be her friend. You may totally ignore that fact and try anyway because you are stuck on her, but the best thing to do is take some serious time apart. Even have no contact at all. She probably will fight that too, because she values you as a friend, she values the things you do for her, and this is partly her fault because there is some selfishness involved with her keeping you around. It's best for you to have no contact for awhile so you can move on, but she won't like it. She needs to respect this.

    Don't read into little signs thinking that somehow she has developed romantic feelings. She's not interested like that, and by continuing to do things for her or by hoping she will change her mind and realize what she has, you are disrespecting not just yourself, but her decision. Move on brother. Most of us have been here before, and no matter how much you try to deny it, she IS just one fish in the pond.
     
  6. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    I agree with this 100% I have spent months trying to convince myself that a girl still likes me when she has obviously moved on. I have overthought and gone to extremes to try this but it doesn't work... I thought she was the best thing in the world, was into a ton of stuff I am and I would never meet another girl even close to her. I had to have my friends repeadly tell me to give up on this and now I am finally seeing it. It is so hard to let go sometimes...:sadwavey:
     
  7. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Nothing can be quite as devestating as being in "Soul Pain"...it grips you like a dog with a bone and won't let you go....people tell you "ah, forget it", and all kinds of other stuff....the pain goes on....over time that sharp, stabbing pain deep in your soul becomes a dull ache...and as the months go by your memories fade...you cry less...and friends keep telling you to "move on"...but your heart is stuck...your own mind tells you to "move on"...but your heart rules your head....you lean on everyone for support ad nauseum and think that they don't know what you are going thru...life gets real messy...you think the worst possible things, and quite possibly attempt them...BUT...in time with time, things get better and you wake up one day and say to yourself "I've been a real jerk...I have wasted so much time over this" and you smile and do move on. You can't do alone tho, you need support and people to listen, and listen, and listen, and listen...I was lucky...I came across some wonderful people who listened...I hope you will too.
    Letting go IS hard.
    When you have let go, there is a great sense of freedom.

    My heart goes out to you.
     
  8. auero

    auero word.

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    Thank you for all the replies. I really do value all your opinions. I really do but I just don't think its right.

    It's like I said, I know this girl. All her friends noticed a sudden change in her and she's not being herself right now. Everyone who hears about this is literally SHOCKED. They don't know what got into her. She's been acting a lot different lately and thats why I can't let it go.I told her that I may be moving to an out of school college or just move period. She got really upset and actually told my friend "Oh my god... what did I do!!!??" And he said you know its a mistake, why not fix things? She just doesn't answer the question. She let one foolish idea fall into her head and she held on to it. She though this out of no where she told me. She just said "I'm not in love anymore" one day...It's not like she really thought about this. She just decided right away. She said she was going to move to Florida and try to start a new life maybe her family there will treat her better. The thing is though, she said no she won't go, shes going to stay because of me. She loves me.

    I don't get it! I really think someone told her something or is some what forcing her to do this.
     
  9. auero

    auero word.

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    She also said on Monday to me when I went out with some of her friends...

    "I don't want you hanging out with other girls without me!" That was 3-4 days before she broke up with me.

    A week before that I left a rose in her locker for her and she didn't know I was there but her friend said "You're so lucky, hes an amazing guy, hold on to him." She replied "I know, I DEFF will!!"
     
  10. CastorTroy

    CastorTroy New Member

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    Sorry to hear this, but it happens. Sometimes people's feelings change, and people just cant change the way they feel. Maybe she just has something to work out with herself right now, and she's confused about where she is and where she's going. Best thing is to just let her have her space, remain friends and support her decision no matter how hard it is for you. Trying to rationalize this yourself is only going to drive you nuts, somewhere deep in her head she felt this needed to be said and done for now.

    I doubt anyone is forcing her to do this, sounds like she's changed and can't explain or rationalize why. Emotions are funny like that, they can change for no apparent reason.

    By the way, how old are you two?
     
  11. auero

    auero word.

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    Feelings do change but she truly changed after hanging out with one of her "best friends" who just recently made peace with again. Her friend is the most manipulative person I have ever met and everyone agrees with that. I really think she had some part in this because she thought maybe I made her, not want to be as close friends with her anymore? She might get the idea I "stole" her from her. A best friend can make you believe anything. It's just too weird. I asked her if this girl had anything to do with it and she said no, she would never say anything to hurt us. It's bullshit because I know she doesn't like me. I was part of the reason she was fired at work at one point. I don't know. Ever since the night she hung out with her her attitude became a complete 180.

    This girl is just bad and will make anyone believe anything.
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2006
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Oh geez. Just do what you want and ignore everyone else because this girl is "different". If only I had a dollar for everytime I heard that.... and then add another 50 cents for everytime the guy comes back afterwards and says, "I was so dumb and you guys were so right!" I'd retire.
     
  13. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    You know what.. this situation just doesn't add up right.. I actually believe it could be because of the bestfriend that just got back into her life that can be swaying her decision making of you.. friends can do that and I've had friends that have done this to me in the past with ex girlfriends and because of them I saw the light not to continue.. but this is love, this is another issuee to be taken more serious.. this is someone of potential of marriage one day.. I suggest you give her time to herself and let things cool down.. forget she is of existance.. go out and have yourself a good time.. someday down the road, who knows how long.. when the bestfriend ends up screwing her over again and something happens.. she'll remember YOU.. she'll come running back.. somehow, you will need to realize if shes still the one for you and make your decision and work on that from there.. but you know what? I believe that G-D already has everything planned out for us in life anways.. so if its MEANT TO HAPPEN, IT WILL. IF NOT, it never was.....

    I can say though from reading everything you wrote up that it doesn't look like she just changed her mind one day because she felt shes out of love with you.. the days and time frames of how she was thinking and reacting through the process a week or even a few days before breaking up doesn't show the usual signs that a breakup is about to endure.. so, its gotta be that friend possibly.. if they really are bestfriends in the past but eventually stopped hanging out because you basically "stole" her away from the friend.. that friend is still pissed at you to this very day.. but not you as a person.. she/he just sees you as that person who took their bestfriend away.... hate will come into play and can ruin GOOD things like you two have.. but a true bestfriend.. a REAL ONE, will be by their friends side no matter what they end up doing.
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I think I can best answer the OP's post by answering THIS post:

    If you believe that, you're missing something important. Women DO know what they want. They want a guy who is not a therapist, a cry baby, indecisive, boring, too serious, angry, and any number of other essentially immature traits.

    When she gives you excuses ... you're listening to the words and not realizing it was YOUR behavior that needs to change. What were you doing (or not doing) that drove her away?

    What killer4605 did was to CHANGE. He laid down the law, he gave her rules and standards like a MATURE guy, and she respected that. He probably also was a lot more cocky and had less of a caring attitude as he now thinks all women are evil. Now she is chasing him.

    I'm not saying you have to be evil, you just have to step back and put your foot down in a mature way.

    There's articles written here:

    http://www.friendzoned.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=17

    that you may want to check out. Normally I'd give more advice but I'm too busy today. And someone sent me here by request to help you out, so check this link, it's got some good stuff.
     
  15. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    it is funny, but you're right. after that i pretty much told her i didn't care if she wanted to date other people so long as i could too (open relationship) and i didn't call her ass much. i acted like i didn't give a shit and nothing bothered me. she was all over me for the next few months until we broke up again last saturday.

    now i've got all new excuses to deal with.

    "i've had a crush on this guy all semester" -- right, we've had an open relationship all semester and you didn't do shit about him.

    "you provide me with stability" -- and you throw it away

    "i don't want to feel like my happiness depends on someone else" -- so now you're getting attached to some other guy?

    "i'm afraid that when you come to uga our relationship will hold me back from being able to go out and do whatever i want" -- yeah, because these last few months i've really cared about all the times you went out and partied/flirted. NOT.

    and the list goes on and on. i should have kicked her ass to the curb the second she told me she had doubts instead of dragging things on for another week. chances are, she probably would have come to her senses and came back to me, or at the very least, i would be over her by now.
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You (killer) still seem to be drooling over her, which is the impression I got from your other post. Move on.
     
  17. auero

    auero word.

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    I went out with her with one of her two best friends today and she texted them saying "Oh so now you're best friends with him?" and she kept trying to start shit. One of them couldnt take it she went to her house and told her that shes not getting in the middle of this, what she is doing is fucking RETARDED and makes no sense so she gets in the car with her and comes to me and says something like why do you have to get her to talk to me? Or some shit I don't know. I'm done with this. I never made anyone do jack shit.

    Thanks for the help guys. I'm just upset now because I lost probably the best fucking friend I ever had over this shit.
     
  18. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    Now this all starting to sound like a bunch of Bullshit drama.. maybe, if she wasn't feeling like shes lost "control" in a way.. things would be better but my take is that shes jealous to see you hanging with her friends.. especially her bestfriends.. hah.. maybe you're better off without her.. shes okay with breaking your heart but then problems arises with her friends.. I guess I can see this happening.. she doesn't want a reason for her friends to feel for your situation and maybe shes afried that something may happen between you and the friends.. hah, if ya know what I mean but I doubt thats the case here.. I think its just the trust of you going to chat with the bestfriends and lay your story about you two and then her having to hear about it later which in turns makes her feel guilty. My 2 cents..

    BTW.. how old are you two anyways?
     
  19. auero

    auero word.

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    It is bullshit drama! She's never acted like this. I'm always the kind of person that looks at things straight and forward and I don't try to put myself into "denial" or anything like that. As for me saying "oh there isn't any girl like her", there is! But I've never met anyone like that, ever. A lot of girls around here are sluts. This is one of those "good girls" that are rare, haha I don't know!

    She told me what I am doing is just "pushing me away further and further"

    In a text the day she broke up with me, it said "You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I know I'm letting it go but that's on me now" Well I'm letting go too. I won't worry, I wont show her I care anymore, because I don't. I just really wish I could be friends with her. That's the thing that hurts me the most, I lost the best friend I could possibly have. I never trusted anyone like her. (even before we started going out)

    Only one of her friends was her "better" friends. They used to be really really close but they drifted a little.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2006
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That's pretty disrespectful. I am curious as to why she doesn't want you to be friends with her friends... It could be jealousy, or it could be because you will still be too close to her and will be able to keep tabs on what she is up to. She may not want that at all.
    In fact, this could very well be what the real problem is. If she is out meeting new guys or something but doesn't want you to know this-or whatever else she is up to-because it might not coincide with the excuses she gives you, then you being close with her friends gives you the ability to find out the truth, which will cause drama.

    She's just blowing steam. She's trying to find excuses so she can be mad-which will likely be a fake justification for pushing you away further... or giving her a "reason" to pull something else in the future. If she has a "reason" like this to use as an explaination for her future actions, she will feel more justified in doing whatever that was. Sounds to me like she is "preparing". She is creating "ammo".

    If this is your best friend ever then I am sorry. With friends like this who needs enemies? I don't care how good she was at one point in your relationship, obviously right now she is very underhanded and cares only about her own personal agenda. I don't believe for a second that she believes that you are doing anything wrong-because you're not. She's mad because she has an agenda and you talking to her friends somehow interferes with it. That much is pretty easy to deduct.

    Maybe she isn't as good as you thought if she is treating you unjustly, has a hidden agenda, and feeds you BS.

    No it's not. She always had the intention of pushing you futher away, which is why she has a beef with you talking to her friends. She is using this smokescreen as an excuse to put the blame of this 'pushing away' on you rather than her. Very selfish, but to me it's pretty clear what she is doing.

    She obviously doesn't think this is the best thing to ever happen to her because otherwise she wouldn't leave. If the best thing in the world happened to you, would you walk away? No. It doesn't make sense. If I won a million dollars I wouldn't hold it in my hand for a few minutes and then throw it away. She's feeding you BS that she expects you to eat up in order to let you go more easily. She really wants to move on. Maybe there is another guy she is eyeing and thinks that something might happen with that. That could be one reason she doesn't want you talking to her friends, because you would find out eventually what she is up to and it could cause drama for her by either how you would feel about that or how you would react to finding out that she is full of shit. That's just one possibility...


    Why? Will it help you move on? Will it make you feel just fine when she is excited about the new guy and wants to talk about their relationship? Why do you want to be best pals with someone who has been putting you through this drama? Because you once shared some good times? I think that you deserve far better than that, and you shouldn't tolerate this at all because you don't deserve it. She's no queen and you're not her subject. She has no right to treat you this way.

    I guess your trust may be shaken quite a bit after this, and maybe that will be healthy for you in the long run. I hope you do learn from all of this. A lot of guys go through this. I've worked with a lot of guys in similar circumstances.

    Good luck bro, I hope you can successfully put this person in your past and move on to become a stronger and more aware person.
     
  21. auero

    auero word.

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    Well these aren't HER friends. They are MY friends as well. I was just never as close or known them as long as her. I've been friends with them before I really talked to her.

    I think the problem was that she found someone good and she was afraid to "settle" with that. It's just that idea like "What if I looked some more.. what would I find?" I can understand that I guess... She's 19 and it may just be scary for her to know how real things are.

    As for her finding someone else, I'm not sure. She said she wants to be single, she doesn't want a relationship, she wants to be alone to think right now. Who knows. It would be hard to see her with another guy and I told her that. I said that that guy just doesn't know what treasure he holds within his arms. That just made her really happy and smile.

    It's like I said. I never wanted to lose a friend and I told her that before we started going out. I'm just still in shock. I really never opened up to anyone like that. She knows so many deep dark secrets that no one knows about my personal life and same goes for her. She's told me things no one ever knew. We'll see how that turns up.

    Oh well. Thank you for all your support guys. Thank you for all the advice. It's really helped me and I guess I need to start recovering?
     
  22. The Militant

    The Militant THE FUTURE

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    Alot of things could be happening, she may want somthing new, she may feel like getting back out there and having fun with alot of guys. If love comes back then it was meant to happen, if not then is just wasnt meant to be.

    Im sorry to see this happen to you, and this only makes me want to be the way i am more. I know this happenes i realize that nothing last forever therefor i will never become to used to something or so attached.
     
  23. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    The reason she left is because you put her up on a pedastle. She got bored, lost interest, and left. Seriously, that's what happened.
     
  24. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

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    Quoted for Emphasis...

    I spent a while hooked on the Ex as well.. Feeling that there was always something that could be done.

    I know where you stand, And well, It's just not fun. :(
     
  25. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Go Dodger Blue!
    Psych major signing in :wavey:

    You are controlling. You have to admit that. If not now somewhere down the line you will. I've been there and I can see the signs. I've delt with this type of girl before. You have no idea how lucky you are that this is being broken off after just 7 months. It took me 7 YEARS.

    Ok this girl has been fooling herself into thinking that she was in love with you and you are only trying to convince her to fool herself again. It's not going to work. I hate to say it but couples who feel really close like they were meant to be are using suggestion to fool themselves. It's a form of hypnosis or brainwashing that's very powerful and long lasting.
    Check out this thread

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=980273

    Do YOU even feel anything when you kiss her or is it really just all in your mind? I never felt anything when I kissed my ex except for maybe once or twice. The rest of the times I just convinced myself that it was the most awesome sensual romantic kiss ever. :cjerk:

    So your dream girl is a bi-polar jealous psycho bitch who doesn't know what she wants? I believed the same thing about my ex. These past two years I've realized how fucked up she really was even while we were dating. Things I just refused to see because I wanted to believe in her.

    You never want to have anything to do with a girl who says that she doesn't feel anything for you other than friendship. Even if you two actually get married, do you really want to be someone that she doesn't have strong feelings for? Do you want to be the guy that she settles with while she fantasizes about her true passionate love who's yet to find her? Never settle for being anything less than #1 in the infatuation department.

    Dude, only controlling guys remember this many details because they obsess over it. You need some help. :wavey:

    The reason she feels pushed away when you try so hard is because she knows that you're wrong. If you tell her "I know you love me" and she doesn't feel it within herself, that's only going to make things worse isn't it?

    She's sentimental and has trouble letting go. That's why she wants you to stay friends with her. She knows it's going to hurt you so I feel that it's a selfish move on her part.

    EVERYONE lies. If she hates liars she hates herself. The best and most dangerous liars are ones who appear to be very honest. My ex was like this, still like this, and admittedly so am I. We're damn good liars but to the world we're the most honest trustworthy people. :hs: She said "I guess not" because she doesn't really want to lose you as a friend. By "loving" you she was able to keep you around. You seemed to understand her and let her be herself without questioning her. That is both a good and bad thing. Her best friend questioned her decision to be with you. She might know her better than you and know something that you don't. You might feel like you know her better than anyone but it simply isn't true.

    Every girl likes attention, even from someone they don't love. Girls are very competitive against each other. This here means nothing...

    I will admit that this doesn't sound right. But I would take her word for it when she says that her friend wouldn't say anything to hurt you two. If there's anything it must have to do with something else entirely.

    Alright so she's sadmomasochistic. :ugh:

    Do yourself a favor and don't let this drag on. A few months into my 7 year relationship of horror I talked to a few people in a chatroom about it and they all said the same thing everyone here is telling you. I made excuses for her and denied that she saw me as anything other than the love of her life. If I could go back I would've listened to those people. My ex who I'm still casually friends with actually still believed that she loved me very much until I convinced her that she really didn't, that it was all in her head. She's finally starting to understand now. I don't even know if she truly believed it or if she was simply trying to spark something in me but it's understandable. It's a survival instinct. She's going to want you around because you're a good guy. You are good for her. But she doesn't love you romantically, you know? It's what you want though so how else is she going to keep you around other than by dropping a few hints here and there that actually have no real truth behind them. Also when you keep telling her how much you love her it's going to affect her in that she's going to obviously want you around since you feel this way about her--everyone wants to feel loved and feel special. But as soon as you tell her that you're not in love with her anymore she will slowly lose interest in being "best friends" with you.

    One last thing. Her behavior sounds typical of those who have suffered from some kind of sexual abuse. I would confront her about it though if she says no don't push it. If there's anything it could explain her strange behavior. But if there's nothing she's just a mental mess that you won't be able to save no matter how hard you try. Don't spend your life trying to help and fix one girl. Take care of yourself instead.
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2006

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