SRS I've been lying to myself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ///M Pilot, Jul 24, 2007.

  1. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    For who knows how long now.

    I don't like the bar scene, I never have. I don't like going out to clubs (with exception to this one country bar in Orlando, where I used to live).. when I hang out with my friends, I prefer shooting pool, or doing something more constructive than sitting around drinking my face off. So why the fuck is that what I've been trying to do??

    I've been going through what has been affectionately dubbed a "quarter life crisis" for the last couple of years. I feel like my youth was wasted, spent living as though I was 5 years older than I was at any given point. We've had a family business for the better part of 20 years, always doing something or another.. I was always given more responsibility, more was required of me.. and I always WANTED it at the time. But I was making good bank at the time (hey, how many 15 year olds did you know making $25/hr on a continuous billable rate?), and always justified it because the money afforded me certain luxuries that nobody else had. For the last few years, I felt as though I squandered it. All.

    I feel like I sold out myself in an attempt to get that youth back. I've acted like an immature retard, with a regression over the last few years back to where I think I "should" have been, but totally missing where I REALLY should have been. I was so focused on what I thought I'd lost, and the opportunities I'd let pass me by (girls, fun, etc), that I didn't appreciate what was right in front of me. I've had a loving woman stand by me for 4 years, despite how much I've thrown at her. And now I've completely pushed her away (yes, same girl to anyone that followed my other thread. I knew this was coming, that's why it was somewhat easier to take).

    I'm all alone now, and I caused it. I've pushed away all of my friends with my behavior, I've acted like a fucking asshole to everyone that ever cared. And now I'm exactly where I was scared shitless I was going to wind up.

    Completely fucking alone. All because I spent too much time consumed in achieving something I never really wanted in the firstplace.
     
  2. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Oh, I'm 25 now btw (for those who didn't put together the "quarter life crisis" bit :)).
     
  3. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    Well then, if you believe that you've done it all wrong up to this point, what do you think you should be doing? I'm not even going to bother saying "should have," because there is no such thing. You can't change the past. Every experience is just another step to get you to where you are right now. You can either learn from it or you can regret it, and as I say, regrets are only mistakes that you haven't learned from.
     
  4. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    I'm really just venting for the most part..

    It's not that I believe I've done it ALL wrong, I believe I've sabotaged my personal relationships in favor of attaining something elusive that I never should have been chasing in the firstplace. I think it all centers around fear when it's all said and done..

    Regardless, I think I'm past it now. It's like one day I just kinda woke up and said what the fuck am I doing with my life.. why don't I just make the decision to end all of that crap and move forward? So I did just that. I stopped wishing that the past would be different, and I stopped trying to manipulate the present into a warped version of the past.

    I re-developed short and long term goals for myself. I have tried to make amends with my relationships, but I've pushed them too far away. I've accepted what I've done, and I'm trying to go forward. I've stopped drinking so much, and I've stopped longing for specific people in my past. I've stopped wanting to be young and reckless.

    I really need a change of pace, though. I feel as though I've been stifled by my surroundings for quite a while now, and I've just put myself back into a situation where I'm committed to being in the area again.

    I need to get a dog.
     
  5. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I feel the same, but I didn't have the loving woman, I didn't have money, didn't have luxuries and worst of all, I didn't gain the business experience you do have.

    I did good in school, then eventually let go of school a little and tried to "get out there" only to find that "out there" was really rather lame and mostly consisted of getting smashed senseless at some lame club. I was on a great track to success but I too wasted that momentum to see what I thought I was missing.

    Now I feel bad for wasting so much time with senseless things like computer games, when I could have been learning so much more important things.

    But such is life, we live and we learn. Don't let your mistake get you down, you learned a very important lesson here. Life's a hard teacher, it punishes you first, THEN gives you the lesson. You lost so much because you lost sight of what you had and focused on what you thought you missed out. This is a classic mistake that happens everyday to those who do not know to see the value in what they have. Be it husbands who leave a loving family to chase some hot bish for a fling, only to have it fall apart and realize the price they really paid for that bish, to millionaires like Paris Hilton who have every opportunity in the world at their feet yet choose to waste their time doing the stupidest shit imaginable only to realize at one point, usually too late, that they don't know anything about the real world and that they've wasted all their money away.

    Be happy, be very happy you learned this today and not, say, when you're 50 and you could have lost an entire business empire and a loving family. Dust yourself off and get back on your feet and next time you build yourself up take a moment and reflect on all you really have.

    About losing the friends; I think this is just a part of life. As we mature we take new directions in life and we lose the strong connections we once had with some of our friends. Don't worry about it, you'll make new ones, or get your old ones back if you really had been pushing them away and it wasn't just life pulling you guys apart.

    Good luck. :hs:
     
  6. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    If it's what you wanted at the time then I don't think you should regret it. Looking back there are always things we wish we had done, but at that time in our lives isn't it what we wanted? Isn't that why we did it? When I was a kid my mom always used to half-jokingly ask me why I sleep in so late and waste half my day. I see now what she meant, but when I was a kid that's what I wanted to do so I have no regret.

    You're disappointed with where your younger years has brought you, so make a change so that you can enjoy your life again. We constantly need to re-evaluate our desires in life. What you wanted (or sometimes needed) 5 years ago is drastically different from what you want now. Don't fixate on what you wish you had done because at the time you wanted to do it. Figure out what you want now and build towards that.
     
  7. tidalxwave

    tidalxwave WWKD? OT Supporter

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    1) Try to re-acquaint yourself with your friends again
    2) Give your girl an email explaining your newfound epiphany
    3) join an organization. Whether it be a club or team sport of some sort
    4) Find a job that promotes social interaction (Starbucks, Food places, etc)

    5) Its not a crime to live ahead of your age, many people do. The tough part is being mature enough to handle the responsibilities and not giving up when the going is tough. Just think of where you are now, compared to other people your age. List advantages /disadvantages, and work on the disadvantages. Plain and Simple.

    If you want friends, go out there and create opportunities for yourself
    If you want a girl, well there are tons of ways to meet new people

    its all listed in the first 4 steps which help give you better chances to meeting new people.

    Someone once told me, that sitting around waiting for luck to happen is the wrong way to approach life. Go out there, be pro-active, and create your own luck.

    Did I mention working out at a gym can be a medium to vent your frustration, you probably bench / lift an extra 5/10 pounds based on emotions alone.

    hope this helps.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Careful with that word should....should implies expectations and for me it went something like this....If I were a man (or whatever label you want to put in here), I "should" be doing X.

    Fuck shoulds all up in their ass.

    Shoulds lead one to believe they are doing something wrong...or "wasting their life" or other unproductive thought.

    Here's the way I see it....expectations are the opposite of acceptance. Just accept that you are where you are and it's completely ok to be there. There's nothing wrong that needs to be fixed....there are no years "wasted" only different experiences that you've lived.

    When I really started to understand acceptance, I quit fucking with my own head and found much more peace. I quit fucking with my friends with all my should talk....I started accepting them more and our friendships grew closer and closer.

    My shrink helped me a lot with this and he gave me a phrase that I use very often.....I will not should on me or you today. :)
     
  9. rtzcom

    rtzcom bon wons! fight slepa for life sone!~

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    I know how you feel...and I've begun my path of doing something about it.

    I too thought that due to all the responsibility thrown at me during college and my early years of work...I had lost a lot of my youth. I missed out on a great and wild period of life. I tried getting those all back by trying to do everything that I had missed out on. It wasn't as fun as I expected and I ended up wasting time instead. I entered relationships I shouldn't have, and those ended up eating more time and took a chunk out of my emotions.

    I guess we all have to go thru this and learn from it. If not we would spend the rest of our lives thinking about the "what ifs".

    I did feel the regret and depression at first, but after giving these thought...I actually became a stronger and wiser person from the experience. I saw my faults as a person, and realized the value of life and time.

    It helped me set a new view in life, and made me look forward to what the future will bring rather than trying to relive the past. Things suddenly just fell into place and new opportunities opened up for me.

    I will be going back to school to learn nursing. I already have a hospital eagerly waiting for me to finish school since my current degree in IT and a nursing degree is something very attractive to them. They even offered to put me under contract so that I am assured of a job right away!

    The simple fact that being in school again will let me begin a new social life as well. I'll be with more people during the day, be part of events and parties, and more importantly find a fresh new set of friends.

    I'm glad you got over the whole depression stage...it was tough and painful, but after that and some soul searching...you'll be happy as another chapter of your life unfolds.
     
  10. pulp priest

    pulp priest we're here! we're queer! we don't want any more be

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    you're only as old as you think you are..
    and at 25, you've got several more years of youth in front of you.
     
  11. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    I think it's possible to become trapped in one of these experiences for life, especially if they are bad ones.
     
  12. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    ///M Pilot,

    I can relate 100% to your comment about always being 5 years older then everybody I knew in both the way I've acted, the jobs I've had, and the curve balls thrown at me... it has really made me very detached from almost all my peers. I don't know what to do about it, but if I find any sort of solution I'll let you know... but I'll tell you what, thinking about it makes me sad. I have great friends but I can't get great "emotional support" from them... further nobody really drove me to be "better, faster, stronger", I only have myself to blame. I never really tolerated teenage bullshit, so I guess I was just born with this mentality.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    lol @ anything lasting for life

    Things change, people change and the world changes. The only thing that is a constant is change.

    If you are stuck in your life...you can make a conscious decision to change. However most people are too lazy and simply want to blame something or someone else for their fucked up life.
     

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