For who knows how long now. I don't like the bar scene, I never have. I don't like going out to clubs (with exception to this one country bar in Orlando, where I used to live).. when I hang out with my friends, I prefer shooting pool, or doing something more constructive than sitting around drinking my face off. So why the fuck is that what I've been trying to do?? I've been going through what has been affectionately dubbed a "quarter life crisis" for the last couple of years. I feel like my youth was wasted, spent living as though I was 5 years older than I was at any given point. We've had a family business for the better part of 20 years, always doing something or another.. I was always given more responsibility, more was required of me.. and I always WANTED it at the time. But I was making good bank at the time (hey, how many 15 year olds did you know making $25/hr on a continuous billable rate?), and always justified it because the money afforded me certain luxuries that nobody else had. For the last few years, I felt as though I squandered it. All. I feel like I sold out myself in an attempt to get that youth back. I've acted like an immature retard, with a regression over the last few years back to where I think I "should" have been, but totally missing where I REALLY should have been. I was so focused on what I thought I'd lost, and the opportunities I'd let pass me by (girls, fun, etc), that I didn't appreciate what was right in front of me. I've had a loving woman stand by me for 4 years, despite how much I've thrown at her. And now I've completely pushed her away (yes, same girl to anyone that followed my other thread. I knew this was coming, that's why it was somewhat easier to take). I'm all alone now, and I caused it. I've pushed away all of my friends with my behavior, I've acted like a fucking asshole to everyone that ever cared. And now I'm exactly where I was scared shitless I was going to wind up. Completely fucking alone. All because I spent too much time consumed in achieving something I never really wanted in the firstplace.