I've been keeping something from you guys...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Feb 9, 2010.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    So, over the last several weeks (basically since I got back from bootcamp/AIT school in November), my ex has been coming up to Atlanta to see me (he lives in S. Georgia where we both went to college together). During this time we've been just taking things easy and trying to get a feel for each other again. I have to say that, for the most part, it's been really great having him back around :hs:.

    He originally started calling/contacting me while I was away at AIT. He told me that while I was gone and we weren't really talking, he had dated a few girls and not found anything worth while. Same pretty much with me. As you all know I've tried dating and everyone just seems really crazy or dumb. Talking to him again made me feel more at rest because it's familiar and safe. I really do love him and have never been able to get him out of my mind.

    He came to visit me this past weekend and even though I had drill and was gone from 6:30 am until almost 11pm on Saturday and back up and out of the house Sunday morning, it was good to spend some time with him. We had a really long talk Saturday night where he read me a letter about all the things he's wanted to tell me since we broke up.

    I really do think he's been making a genuine effort to become a more thoughtful, respectful guy. I can see in the majority of our interactions that he's putting in the effort to make me happy the way that I try to do for him. Just the fact that he's been taking time everyday to call/text/email me, and that he's been making arrangements to be able to drive up and see me as often as possible is progress from before when I felt low-priority in his life.

    He's also done a total 180 when it comes to talk about our future plans. He brought up the fact that he wants to move to Atlanta when he graduates in May so that he can be closer to me and find a good job in the medical field. And he told me that after taking some time away to think about things he's realized that I'm the only woman he could ever see himself settling down with. He said he's not afraid anymore to talk about the possibilities of getting married down the road (this is something that was a pretty big issue with us in the past, I felt like he was just using me as a "time filler" rather than someone to spend his life with).


    Anyway, I know this is a really long post but I just wanted to update you guys on things... I know Beer and probably a lot of the rest of you will disagree with all of this and say I shouldn't be talking to him again or trying to make things work but for once HE is the one making the effort and I've been really, really happy. I still love him more today than I did when we were first dating... :)
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    That sounds almost exactly like where I was when my ex and I got back together.

    Read that sentence again and see if you can find the magic word.
     
  3. spydur86

    spydur86 New Member

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    I'd say be careful and take everything he's saying and doing now with a grain of salt. He's looking for comfort and he's willing to do or say whatever it takes to get that. If it makes you happy then pursue but the moment you start to see his old behavior breaking through his new found silver lining you need to..............


    Forgotten back me up here:
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Run. Run and Don't Look Back.
     
  5. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    i think i found it.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Just thought this would be interesting

     
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Sounds like she just longs for the emotional rollercoaster ride with this guy...
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    How long do you think "once" will last? He'll get lazy or decide you're not doing enough and then you'll be right back where you were before. Get over the oneitis and date some different guys, test the waters to see what's out there and I guarantee you'll find something better.
     
  9. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    I think you just don't want to be alone and are looking towards him because he makes you feel comfortable.

    After reading the quotes that IWYWB posted that you have said about him in your past, I definitely think he's the wrong choice for you and that you are better off without him. He seemed to care more about his feelings rather than yours for the most part. The only reason why he's being so nice and attentive towards you is because he wants to get back together with you. Once you two start dating (maybe several months in) I guarantee you that he will go back to his old ways. He had his chance with you and he messed it up. Take ForgottenSpiral's advice. Run and don't look back.
     
  10. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    That cough drop thing was really retarded, I can't believe you even wrote that story out, haha. It sounds like everything you fought over was lame, so if you're not going to pick those fights this time around it should be all good in the hood.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That's not even all. Pretty sure there was a few threads deleted after the first breakup, the second time, etc.
     
  12. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Thanks, Beer for pulling up those long lost posts. I haven't forgotten that we've had a lot of issues and fights.

    We've had a lot of really stupid fights... but I think that a lot of it was circumstantial and the reason they were upsetting wasn't because of the topic of the fight. Most of the time it was that I just felt unappreciated and taken for granted. I felt like he wasn't putting in any effort in making me feel wanted or making our relationship work.

    He brought up the way we were treating each other and how many things have changed in our lives since then. I was working more than full time and going to school, and he was working two part time jobs while taking a full load as well... we just saw each other for like an hour every few days and when we did, we were so stressed with the things going on in our own lives that things between us turned to shit.

    Our circumstances now are much better. We're a little older, and have been out to see other people. I'm going to school in Atlanta and living with my parents (really good set up, very stress free). I'm getting money from my National Guard enlistment every month to help me live comfortably. He's about 4 months from graduation and isn't working this semester. He wants to move to Atlanta where he'll be closer. And he's done some counseling stuff to get a better grip on stress management.

    As for those of you who say I should date other people and I'll find someone better... I've TRIED to see other people. Every guy I go out with turns out to be nutso in some way or they just let me down in the intelligence department. I always end up missing the ex and wondering if anyone is ever going to make me feel that way again.

    When he is attentive and putting forth effort, I am like the happiest girl in the world. We fit so well together and I love every minute I'm with him. For the last several months I've felt this way again, and it's been really nice...

    Anyway I guess the point of this was to just update you guys... I'm not going to change my mind and stop seeing him. It could be a huge mistake but I'm taking a chance because I love him and as long as he's putting forth the effort I'm going to too.
     
  13. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Also - the issue with the differing views on military stuff has done a complete turn around. He's been very supportive and happy with my choices now that he's seen how happy it makes me. He sent me a homemade card congratulating me on my soldier of the year stuff...

    What I'm saying is that there's progress... and although I know that fundamentally "people don't change" people DO progress as they get older and wiser... especially when you're young. I know that I've changed a lot since I first met him and I can see some definite lifestyle changes in him even outside of our relationship.
     
  14. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    hope he keeps up these changes and that it works out for you. :)
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'm not asking this in a bitchy tone, so don't freak out. I'm simply asking this because I am having trouble understanding...you're telling me that after a year of "dating" around-most of which time was spent not actually dating men and instead being solely focused on basic training-you're sure, at 21 years old, that there must not be any other men out there that would be a better match for you? Who wont turn into an ungrateful dick again the second he thinks he has you?
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, burned the T-shirt and on the way back I saw some other people heading there and tried to warn them that all they'd get was a T-shirt, but they didn't listen.

    /The Vag
     
  17. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    thanks for the disclaimer, lol... because sometimes I can't tell if you're trying to be bitchy or just blunt (blunt is good IMO).

    I don't "know" that there aren't any other men out there suited for me... and you're right I don't know that this one won't make a turnaround again to being self centered and ungrateful. I hope that that won't happen... but I can't be sure.

    I do know that I care about him a lot, and I know that there's no such thing as perfect. We've been through a lot of ups and downs, but both of us are still pretty invested. All I ever wanted from him was the sense that I am a priority and worth working with to make each other happy. I'm getting that from him now, and I can't help but want to soak that up and continue our relationship.
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Have you considered the idea that he's "changed" so much because he wants you back? Do you really believe that all these issues magically went away since you guys broke up?
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    People don't change.

    Next.

    Eventually you will learn this.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: Thats what I'm worried about. When people are desperate they will pretty much say & do anything. And I'm sorry, but you guys are 21, I mean I get that in the past he wasn't looking to focus on anything long term...but a year later he is? The kid is a certified douche, so forgive me for not believing he's genuine in any way. All he's ever proven is that he's sweet when he wants something :dunno:
     
  21. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    Ok, I'm going to be the bad guy here to everyone else, but I say if you guys can weed around your issues from the past like adults (and I do mean talk everything out, make sure you're both on the same plage about EVERYTHING that went sour before the break up), it's worth a second chance. If you guys cannot talk about these issues like adults, express your concerns, etc it's never going to work and you two will eventually fall back into the same habits and sabotage the relationship.

    I got back with my ex late last year. I was so, so , so weary about the whole thing because he came out of nowhere to contact me and try to re-initiate things. Surprisingly, I was the one against it while everyone around me was pushing me in the direction of giving it another shot. You can be that I confronted him with everything that was holding me back.. told him how I felt about his behaviors that led to our break up - EVERYTHING. And I did it more than once. Honestly, this was back in September that this all went down (re-kindling), and we haven't had any serious problems since. Things have been really good (knock on wood, haha), so I'm glad that I gave him a second chance, because I am NOT the person who hands out second chances. Especially in relationships.

    I have zero trust issues with him - something that is really important. If I lacked even the slightest trust in him, things would not be going smoothly. You need to make sure you have that level of trust - and you really need to be honest with yourself. Don't try to make yourself believe you trust him and think that past issues can be worked on just because you want to be with him to be with him.
     
  22. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


    I know that you say you have been out there for the year off and dated and such, but as I recall(only from your posts, there may be more that you haven't mentioned) that you've only been out with like 3 guys... That is such an incredibly small number of the population of men, so you really haven't been out and done the dating thing and can't write all all other men except for your ex.

    And if you have dated more than you can kinda excuse this post.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I know I mix up people in the Vag sometimes, but radfad, weren't you the person I kept telling "you deserve better"?
     
  24. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I went on at least a "first date" with at least 8 guys over the last year. I've just only posted about the really bizarre ones, lol. Obviously I couldn't date during Basic Trianing, so that was like a 3 month cut out of time where I wasn't focused on anything but military stuff.



    Good stuff here... We have had and will continue to have very open dialogue about the challenges in our relationship. One thing that we both agree on is that both of us has made some pretty big mistakes and it's something that we want to get past.

    Trust wise - I haven't ever really had many trust issues with him. Of all the problems we've had honesty on his part has never been one.


    Yes, I've considered this. I know at least part of this is him trying to win me back. But that doesn't make his intentions totally heinous. Beer says "he's sweet when he wants something" is wanting to be with me and make our lives together happier really that bad of a motive?



    Probably, like I said a lot of people have told me that. Obviously you guys hear a lot of the negative things because I don't need "help dealing with" the good times... only the bad ones.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Why did that sound to me like a battered woman saying "well sometimes my husband is really sweet to me!"

    Attn Vag morons who can't read: I'm not implying she's in an abusive relationship.
     

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