SRS It's True, you never know what had until you've lost it.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Spidey_C, Jun 4, 2007.

  1. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    I realize this now, after 10 months of treating my ex-gf like shit. No other girl will ever top this one, not by a million years. She was everything that a geeky guy like myself would want. She was a geek. The most gorgeous geek one can lay eyes on. One who had a heart of gold, who cared about me with such compassion, it was stuff made for fairy tales, literally. She was a fucking princess and the smartest person that I will ever come to know. And yet with all of these things, I ended up destroying her being and hurting her more than anyone else will.

    When I say that I treated her like shit, that is the understatement of the century. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what drove me to treat her like shit. Even though I never physically abused her, I abused her emotionally which is far worse than me punching her or slapping her around. I don't know what made me yell at her and degrade her and made me do all these those horrible things. I threatened to leave her just to see if she loved me. Why the fuck was I this stupid? Why the fuck did I do all of this to her She never deserved any of this. Not a single second of the pain I inflicted upon her. She never should have met me, but now I have to live with the fact that I destroyed a precious diamond. I ruined her, and there is no one to blame but myself.

    I only write this because of I horrible I feel. I feel like a monster for having treated her in such a manner. I don't ask for any sympathy from anyone on this forum because I deserve nothing of the sort. I only needed a place to get these thoughts put down somewhere and maybe to serve as a warning to the guys of this server, to never treat your gf like I have. That if you sincerely love your gf, to treat her like a fucking queen. To treat her like one of those princesses from a disney movie. To treat her like she's the absolute most wonderful thing in the world. Maybe I learn my lesson, but I still have to live with what I have done. That's all.
     
  2. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    I don't deserve that. I don't deserve her.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Nah, just grow up if you can. People are who they are.

    You treated her the way you did because of your internal makeup.

    These things become razor clear in therapy, I'm NOT suggesting you need therapy, but these muddy "I dunno WHY I did that" situations become so bloody obvious when you dissect them with a skilled therapist.

    Anyways the point being that you did all that crap because of something inside you.
    She endured all that crap because of something inside of her.
    We could go into it all, and the deeper reasons why, but there's no need and no point anymore.

    Just learn from it, as you seem to have done.
    You NEEDED to do it all.
    She NEEDED to endure it all.

    Telling others to avoid it in the first place is pointless because if they NEED to work out some internal shit, then that's what they'll do.

    Just like you felt driven to do that shit, and so you did, they will likewise feel compelled to act in ways they might not understand (at that time).


    So don't avoid. Just learn from it and grow up. That's it. That's all.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    As far as whether you 'deserve' her, you probably feel like a POS for how you acted, but people don't get together as though it's some reward from heaven or something.

    People hook up because they mesh emotionally. You and she were the right partners for this period in your life.

    That period is now over.

    Learn from this experience, or repeat it with another partner.
     
  5. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i went through something similar to this a few years ago. A lot of it is the guilt of messing up something so good. Mix that in with the fact that you did some serious destruction to a girl you loved emotionally and the pain you feel will all add up. It probably took me a little more than a year to get over the guilt that i felt for fucking her up. It wasnt intentionally but it is what it is. A girl who loved you more than anything else and was willing to do anything for you, and you as a person not seeing this. It happens to the best of us, we are young and guys for a reason.
     
  6. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    I know everyone would tell me to learn and move on, but I want to be with this girl so badly, I want her more than anything now that I've lost her. I realize now how much I actually love her.
     
  7. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    you gotta let go man.
     
  8. Troy

    Troy New Member

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    Not knowing you, I would guess you did these things because you are insecure with yourself, I mean why else would you degrade someone else?

    My only "words of wisdom" would be to tell her why you treated her the way you did (I think you know why), and tell her what a idiot you were and even though you don't deserve it would love to have another chance.. She's not likely to want this but at the very least you can start to work on what caused you to lose her. Man up bro!
     
  9. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Man up! you did bad and you know that. The first part of this is admitting that you fucked up with you know you did.

    Now you have to step up and say something to her and just be bold and tell her that your sorry for everything that you have done and that you want another chance.

    If she says yes and takes you back awesome.

    If she says no then your on your own.

    You need some type of closure on this and the only way is to talk with her!
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    The OP speaks the troof. In hindsight I should've married my first gf. But she's married to someone else now (even tho I'm cooler, :cool: )
     
  11. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I guess she didn't think so.
     
  12. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    There was closure, I cut off communications with her. It's basically over between us. It's pretty hard to describe how I feel, it's just.... yeah.
     
  13. runawaycamel

    runawaycamel New Member

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    Hm...how did you treat her like shit?
     
  14. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    Usually due to security, control and self esteem issues - which you need to work on.
     
  15. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    if only it were that easy
     
  16. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    By the time I accomplished this all, it wouldn't even matter.
     
  17. PlayForBlood

    PlayForBlood The rules, rules don't apply to you. You're specia

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    I have done the same thing

    live and learn, but I know how hard it is to know that you made someone that loved you truely, not love you at all
     
  18. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I can kinda fit into her shoes. But, all I can say is as long as she has nobody else yet and she still loves you, you do have a chance. But, fix it quick. It will be hard to get her back. Especially if she's made the decision to let you go and willed herself to not love you anymore. Best of luck, your best bet is to open those lines of communication again. :hs:
     
  19. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Have you ever apologized to her? If it wouldn't hurt her more to hear from you again, perhaps you should. After all the shit you did to her, you at least owe her that.

    Sounds like you're learning from your mistakes. Good for you. :) Remember this for next time.

    Best of luck to you
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    But she does. I'm the one who ended it.

    Long story.
     
  21. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    She said that she wants to be alone. She doesn't want to be with me anymore. I can't do much about that now.
     
  22. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    I'm working on all of these things and although I haven't fixed these things at this time, I feel a lot different now. I feel that I have changed, that I've been knocked on the head hard enough to realize what I was doing. I know that I can't possibly do any of this to her again. It's just impossible now. I wouldn't hurt her like I had before. I wish she would realize that, because I've cried so much about this all. I've never cried so much about anything or anybody ever. I know that this has changed me for the better. I wish I could make it realize this.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Just learn for the next time. This one is done.
     
  24. Spidey_C

    Spidey_C Play to win.

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    I don't know if it is. She said she wants time alone. I don't know if she'll forgive me or not. I hope she does.
     
  25. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It doesn't matter.

    For this to work again, she has to really want you. Like beat your door down sobbing, crying out "I'm so sorry" type of sobbing.

    The longer you hold on thinking wishing waiting hoping sighing...that's time wasted because none of that effort/energy does a single damn thing to bring her back.

    If she comes back, it's because she wanted to. She knows all about you, who you are, what you are, what you will be.

    No few magic sentences you say at this point will radically alter her perception of you.

    So don't bother throwing away energy and time trying to craft a useless strategy to re-win her.



    And even if you could somehow brainwash her into taking you back for a while (sometimes, it DOES work!), that... is ultimately self-defeating, because it would not be a durable reunion.

    For it to work, to really work, she has got to want it with every fiber. Only she can come to that realization.

    You help that along by demonstrating your worth, by moving on, by living your life WELL



    But as always, this is your life, and your time to spend as you please.
    Good luck to you.
     

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