Can I ask a favour;Even if you have nothing to say, if you've read it can you just put a quick reply saying you did, even just "read"? Thanks! I don't know how long this is going to be. I'm not sure what I'm going to say actually. Apologies first if it's too long or too much ranting. Here it goes: From an early age I've always been quiet, which meant I found it hard to make friends. In primary school I was always keeping to myself, and the only friends I had were a couple of guys who were really outgoing and the ones who made efforts to associate with people. I also underestimated myself in many ways. When I went to secondary school, it was easier because I went to the same school as my class from primary. I was still relatively quiet, but found that talking was easier (I've accepted I'm just a quiet guy). As I went through school it was apparent that I was very mature for my age; I would laugh at horseplay and get involved in minor matters, but I would never start it and I would not laugh if it affected my study. Even though I found it hard (and still do) to concentrate on study, I was a good listener in class. Most of my knowledge came from what I heard and not what I studied myself. I was content at where things were going at that stage. I was travelling alot and had alot of amazing experiences, which I was lucky to have. I was also lucky when I was awarded the last place into my college course, a course which I had wanted to do since primary, ~8 yrs beforehand. That's where things changed for the worst. Even though I had things to make me extremely happy, I was eating up with saddness inside. I'm not sure why, but I have an in-link. This problem went on for a couple of years. I had dropped out of my dream course, applied, received and dropped out of a second course.So, I started working in a factory, unsure would I return to college or just not bother and accept that it wasn't for me and continue underestimating myself. The problem could by linked with depression? But I don't agree with that statement. Sometimes I thought it might be the fact that I was lonely? I had friends, but they were friends because of where I live (regionally purposed friends?). We have little in common exept for sporting hobbies. I also had never had a gf, which made me feel down at times. I would see other youths hand in hand, and I would look into the horizon and try to see my future. The concept of that being me and my soulmate seemed not even distant, but impossible. It wasn't destined. The point at the end of the above paragraph was strengthened when it was linked to the reason which my view, experience with life has/is changing for the better. It is a reason which I have talked to OT about before, but is now much more important in my life. I met her when I was working in a factory (as mentioned above). It was a crappy job but she brightened it up. At first I thought she was pretty, but there was something else about her. I don't know what it was. It was like a voice inside telling me; "I have to get to know her." I can't explain the feelings I had. And I did get to know her. Within weeks we were friends. We had loads in common. And I mean loads! She's like a soulmate (I think she is, but I haven't said it to her) We are now really close close friends with possibility of something more. She is 28- I am 20 This is something which I did tell her( but in a text) that is great when you (being me or someone) can be so happy even by just being in their company. We meet up every few weeks. In between I can't stop thinking of it and can't wait to meet up. She is getting a flat and I will stay weekends then, instead of just an afternoon/evening. We will be going travelling together. The list of places she dreams of going is exactly the same as where I dream of going. We met up on Saturday and had the times of our lives. We are not bf-gf but when we were together we were arm in arm and hand in hand. I kissed her on the cheek a few times. That's how close friends we are. We're so close, we don't have to worry about rushing things (even though I get impatient and agree to myself that I will make a move the next time, I don't and let what happens happens. Having said that, I'm once again in the process of reviewing my tactics). The day after we met up I leave for college and am missing her already and can't wait to see her again. I get up this morning and I am still reviewing the time we had on Saturday, and I look at the wall, but I don't see what my eyes are looking at. I see her, and I have a strong strong, strange feeling in my stomach, not relaxing but kind off (I think it is the "L" word). She said the "L" word to me but in drunken informality. So now I have a smile. I don't care about not having much friends at university. Even though I am to myself here, I don't feel alone.