It sucks watching your sex life fade away...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Guvnor, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. Guvnor

    Guvnor NYM3 and Me

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    Sorry for the length of this....my intro to Offtopic I guess. Later!
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2009
  2. Guvnor

    Guvnor NYM3 and Me

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    Been together 4.5yrs total. Married less than 1.
     
  3. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    what would happen if you did something spontaneous to her. IE you came home today and just gave her the look and took her to your bedroom and fucked her? Would that be boring to her?
     
  4. Guvnor

    Guvnor NYM3 and Me

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    Nah...that wouldn't happen. If it did, it'd be one time and then what after that?
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sometimes you have to put in a lot of effort by yourself to expect anything in return.
     
  6. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    glad to hear things are going well dude.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2009
  7. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    How many dates do you go on each week? Each month?
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    What sorts of things have you stopped doing since you got married?

    You're asking the wrong questions and pointing the finger in the wrong direction.

    Turn it around on yourself and ask yourself what changes you are willing to make in order to get the intimacy back in your relationship.

    Take note: I said "get the intimacy back" and NOT "get back to the way things were" on purpose, because you'll never EVER recapture what you once had, no matter how hard you try. Not because you CAN'T, but because you are no longer on that level. Relationships are about growing and evolving and moving to newer and deeper levels with each other...different levels. You don't have to be Action Jackson, but you do need to take an interest in HER again...and in doing so, she'll automatically respond in turn by taking an interest in YOU again.

    Women are more responsive than anything. They reflect back to us, in a lot of ways, the kind of men we are.
     
  9. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    It's not marriage or time that kills a sexual relationship. It usually happens when one or both people feel so comfortable that they stop bothering. They don't feel like they need to make an effort any more because the end result of having a spouse and having them stay has been achieved.

    A woman wants to know she is desirable, much like a man. You need to make time for each other. The spontaneity is most likely gone and you are in a routine that bores the hell out of both of you.

    It's not about both putting in 50% and meeting in the middle. It's about both of you putting in 110% and feeling fulfilled.

    You are blaming the marriage and her. I guarantee you that the lack of sex and desire is a symptom of something else entirely.

    How about you talk to each other? Over a bottle of wine in a small little restaurant (or cook for her at home). Even if she doesn't bother, at least you did and that is all you need to worry about. You can't control what she does, just what you do.
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    This is a pet peeve of mine. You can't put more than 100% into something. That's impossible. :mamoru:
     
  11. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    It's not unpossible if you hold your tounge right.
     
  12. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Does it matter? You can figure the rest out later. I can tell you what your doing right now isnt working.

    For the record I can think of a few more. Car sex, sex in public, parking garages. Need more? You have to be the one that initiates it not me.
     
  13. Eddie Brock

    Eddie Brock New Member

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    Have you lost or gained weight, have you changed physically? i.e. haircut, etc. sometimes things like that have a huge impact on how sexually attracted the s.o. might be. Try doing new and adventurous things. Based on your response I kind of feel like youre giving up on her. Try rekindling the relationship... remember things you used to do when you first met her and the "The thrill of the hunt" was still on. Good luck!
     
  14. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    This happens very often, I've never been married but it's happened plenty of times in my long term relationships. The problem is getting too comfortable and not putting the effort both of you once used to put in... Why did you stop? because you realized there was no more challenge and likely succumbed to the false sense of comfort.

    Women just like men, need a sense of challenge in order to be intrigued, captivated and interested. It's not just relationships, it's work, play, and your personal lives too. If you're not challenging yourself and are in a boring unfulfilled routine, you lose your spirit.

    Sexuality for humans is something extremely deep and profound. Women and men differ in a fundamental way. Women are more sensitive to the changes in a relationship which may affect their sexuality, while men 'REQUIRE' sex and will seek it out more often (even if deep inside they aren't truly interested).

    For men, sex is the simplest form of achieving intimacy. For women its the rest.

    It certainly does start with you. It may sound ridiculous, but you need to spend more time with yourself, keep busy, be more excited and interested in your own life. Then take that built up energy and excitement and infuse it into your relationship.

    This is my male perspective, I would love more female perspective here. It often seems to me like men do most of the thinking/talking about relationships. Women just coast. If things get sour women are more re-active than active.... Your the man, take the lead.

    Also remember, that sex can't be AMAZING, ALL THE TIME. Sometimes for several days, several weeks even several months it may become less passionate and more dull. People are complex, everyone has off days and weeks, sometimes its stress or us not feeling attractive, taking less care of ourselves etc. It all starts from us.

    As long as there is effort and communication its the key to success (I believe)
     
  15. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    To be honest? I think you have it all backwards. Most men i know don't do the thinking and talking, they just coast and do what comes.

    As a woman all I want is the dishes done for me, or given a drink and told to relax while he baths the kids and puts them to bed. After that I am usually ready for some action :rofl::rofl: I don't remember before kids

    As stated above and by me earlier, you have become comfortable and without thinking you have stopped putting in the effort. I would suggest talking to your wife and telling her what you are thinking (or what some of us have said) and see what she has to say. I still thik it may not even be about you
     
  16. FrozenSTi

    FrozenSTi This site WILL get me in trouble......

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    Women invest so many hopes and dreams into a wedding and marriage, then find out later that it really doesn't change much in their lives. I'll bet you anything that she is resenting the fact that marriage hasn't made her life "picture-perfect" yet.

    Start talking to her now, before it gets worse (and it will)
     
  17. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Yeah, you can blame lack of quality parenting and hollywood on that...
     
  18. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    I dont post in here often, but this is quite true. I have come to realize that you have to keep redefining a relationship and always study it and see how things are going. You have to change it up.. and while it doesnt always have to be WOW OMG exciting! you have to actively work on it.

    It seems like there are so many factors that cause problems and it's doubled because what might cause a man to be indifferent and not interested may not be what is causing the women to be. I think most relationships would be better if each side can see a conscious effort made by the other.

    I also feel that it needs to be something that the other actually recognizes and appreciates. What may work for one person does not work for the other. Read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. I think that the lack of intimacy is a vicoius cycle and is just a symtom of underliing problems. Effective Communication breeds intimacy, imho.
     
  19. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I agree with you and I think the most important point is that when you do something for your lover, ensure its something they actually want, desire or appreciate. Not something you think YOU would appreciate if you were them. Men and Women work on different wavelengths, have varying desires and internal cogs... Communication is definitely key, but I think before communication begins the real root is 'self awareness'
     
  20. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Yep, my past relationship was just like this, and it ruined it for us :(
     
  21. skych

    skych New Member

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    thats the perfect time to spark things up. you cant just sit back and let it die off
     
  22. surlybot

    surlybot you cool maaaaaaannn?

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    yeah it does
     

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