It hurts

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BootyBro, Jul 27, 2008.

  1. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    Ok so its been about a week and a half that my gf broke up with me after exactly 11months, I know its for the better and we both kinda decided that it would be better but all of a sudden today I'm so down and depressed and I miss her so so much and her kiss. What do I do, I have been out every night with friends for the last week, and nothing seems to bring me happyness anymore. This is the 2nd "real" realtionship I have been through, I really wanted this one to work and i pulled my weight and then some but she didnt want to pull hers. Anyways Im just sad and depressed and all my friends are busy so I came to OT after years it feels like. Any suggestions for me so I dont do something stupid like call her, I know she misses me too its just so hard.

    ps. love sucks
     
  2. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    delete her number from your phone now. you don't need it. also, it'll discourage you from drunk dialing her because it's harder to punch in 10 digits than just selecting her name, and you'll probably get cold feet before you actually press 'send'.

    in fact delete her from all things in your daily routine, like take down and put away stuff that she gave you and you identify her with, make facebook not update you on her activity, delete pictures of her from your phone, possibly untag yourself from pictures of her on facebook, all that kind of stuff. it might be a little painful to do it, because more of the breakup with set in, but it'll feel great once you do it.

    pick up a hobby and dedicate time to it. after my ltr ended last winter (i didn't quite get dumped, it was more complicated, but we'll just say i did for simplification), i picked up guitar, and i still play about an hour each day. it was a great distraction at the time, and it's something i really enjoy now. you'll have lots of free time now, use it to grow as a person.

    don't make it a priority or a goal to hook up with women to help yourself get over your ex. do it when you're ready, not now just to do it. the best way to get over someone is not random one-night stands, it's by developing a relationship, fling, fwb, or some sort of thing with another girl that you can focus your attention and energy on.

    don't get down on yourself. everyone goes through it, and everyone eventually pulls through. you will too, in time.
     
  3. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    make a list of her bad qualities.

    seems harsh. but it helps.
     
  4. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    ^that also helps. the more imperfect you realize she is, the easier it will be to realize that you will find someone better
     
  5. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    thanks for the advice, I know all this stuff its just so hard when u are in it, you ever coined you getting blinded by love was on the money. This relationship for me was really complicated too but i know i can do it its just that once in a while i get down from seeing something and u know memory's in general. Its gonna take time I know just sucks being lonely, there is this girl in my class that I know likes me we have hung out in the past couple days but I aint feeling her....sorry just had to get that out
     
  6. mistergixter

    mistergixter New Member

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    I've been broken up with my ex for 4 months now, almost 5, it was a 3 year relationship. There are two ways to break up the dull knife way and the sharp knife way. I suggest the sharp knife way. I did that recently and my life has changed for the better. Some good advice though is to learn to be comfortable with yourself, that is one I am still working on. It is not an easy thing to go through a break up.

    Just keep your head up and do what you can to keep your mind busy. I had my up days and my down days and days where I felt like I was getting no where. But those are the emotions of breaking up. You will get through it, the people of the Vag helped me out and they will help you out too.

    Things will came back you way when they are ready too.

    Yail gives good advice, did you check out the stickies that IWYWB posted up? There is some break up advice threads in there.

    Linky here

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3574446
     
  7. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    Try to meet at least one other girl that could possibly take your mind off of your ex. I'd suggest something more than a ONS.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Realize that getting over her will take longer than a week.

    Once you do that work on eliminating her from your life and sight and continue to live yuour life without her.
     
  9. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    Should I put her on limited profile on facebook or take or off or just leave it cuz I dont care anymore? I still have her number and we didnt leave on bad terms we both walked away but she wanted to more than me. I was in it for the long haul and she was too but then her friends and our situation got her thinking and she turned on me and wanted to move on therefore I agreed too cuz I dont want someone that doesnt love me at the end of the day. I know I can go on but for some reason since we ended as "friends" I think she is going to call me or go out or that I should text her and see how she is doing or some shit like that...I know I wont but it keeps coming in my head I just need to let go and walk away....easier said than done.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i never did that with my ex-gf i was in love with. it might have taken me longer to get over her, but on the plus side, i didn't take an emotional dump on sacred ground.

    one of the hardest parts of breaking up for me was resisting the temptation to BURN everything good I had had with her, for the short-sighted purpose of anesthetizing myself to immediate pain.

    the easy part is that i can look back on that relationship as one of the best experiences of my life, without bitterness, while being totally in love with a new person. all at once :)

    crapping all over something beautiful just to make it smell as shitty as the rest of life = pathetic weakness.
     
  11. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    yeah the got rid of some things but all the cards, valentines day gifts, and notes, little things i still have. Yes it hurts for me to see them every time but deep down I know it was for the better. I just keep thinking that what if I dont find anyone better or that loves me?
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    i called up that ex-gf some time after the break up, drunk off my ass outside a party, crying, "it just seems like such a long, dark road until i find something as good as what i had again"...

    i recommend not doing that :mamoru:

    this will kick you into gear, you will then make yourself a lot more attractive, get involved with people, and then surprise surprise you will click with someone new. college was good for this i think, despite what They say about college girls here in the vag. I kind of miss college being out now for several months.
     
  13. mistergixter

    mistergixter New Member

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    What you just said there is the dull knife method. I don't recommend it. Get rid of her number, remove her as a facebook friend. Do not text her to see how she is doing. That all sounds rough and harsh to do, but you will be better off for it in the long run. The important thing here is your happiness. It will come back to you soon, but you need to make the clean break.
     
  14. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    1. i don't care what you do about facebook, as long as it makes it so that it doesn't update YOU on HER STUFF, so you aren't reminded of it. if you need to remove her as a friend because you can't resist the temptation to look at her profile, do that as well.

    2. remove her number. why the fuck do you want to be talking to her now? do NOT meet up with her, or be 'friends' with her for awhile. think about it, how are you going to act around her when you see her? it's not going to be so easy getting used to new terms. don't try it; it'll only set you back in your recovery. if you feel like it would be polite, send her a TEXT, NOT A PHONE CALL, saying it would be a good idea to not have any contact for awhile, so that she gets it. DON'T talk to her or SEE HER. try to avoid the subject of her in conversation.

    what you need to do right now is relearn living every day without her on your mind to get it through your subconscious that you aren't together anymore. the only way to do that is to cut all ties and stop doing things that are highly identifiable with her.

    pm me if you have any more questions. i think i went through something very similar to you. it was one of those where it was sort of a mutual breakup, but the only reason i agreed to it was because i could tell she wanted it, and just wasn't quite strong enough to do it on her own at the time.

    you CAN be friends with this girl much later (as in months or years, not weeks). my ex are actually on pretty good terms now and meet up when we're in the same city to just hang out, but it's 100% as friends for both of us and we know it. we tried doing it earlier in the breakup, and it resulted in huge drama. don't rush into seeing or talking to her again. only do it when you are well over her, and each of you have had some sort of relationship with someone in between.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    it's not even that harsh. she'll get over being ignored in 5 seconds. meanwhile he will have a much much easier time finding happiness. if they want to be friends or whatever in the distant future, she won't be so offended as to make that impossible.
     
  16. Jack Horner

    Jack Horner Guest

    Me too :wtc:
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    whaddu you do now?
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You two will not be "friends," not yet. Answering her calls/texts/anything will only set you back in getting over her most likely. Just because you didn't have a horribly hurtful or awkward breakup doesn't mean you two will be buddy buddy without any feelings or "did we make the right decision!? :hsugh:"

    You are best off not seeing or speaking with her for a while until you no longer feel the way you do.
     
  19. mistergixter

    mistergixter New Member

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    +1
     
  20. Jack Horner

    Jack Horner Guest

    I'm a high school teacher in an area that is predominantly young families and old people :wtc:

    Pay is good though, and I'm going to be moving to a better (well, younger anyway) area soon, so there's always hope. It's funny, I've gained a TON of confidence meeting and talking to women AFTER college when I live in a veritable wasteland of young, single, eligible women. While I guess it was good for my GPA, I really wish I could relive my college years with some of this new-found confidence.

    Oh well, c'est la vie
     
  21. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    thanks guys for reiterating it for me. I just needed to hear it. I have been so used to seeing her everyday and lost touch with family and now Im at home all the time and my family has been out all day and well u can guess the rest...bored, lonely and depressed cuz I had no one to turn to. I have a term paper due soon and I cant even focus I tired everything, just seems like the days are so much longer now. Just one other thing, I know I am bound to see her sooner or later in the mall or somewhere what do I do? Just say hi and put on a fake smile like i am over her and keep the convo short and leave? What if I see her with another guy?

    Anyways just have to cut my loses and move on, thanks for the support thus far i really do appreciate it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2008
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If you see her it's up to you on what you feel would be appropriate. I'd obviously think some long drawn out conversation at the mall is silly. A quick hello is plenty, even a wave hello if you aren't near one another. Delving into "how have you been?" can most likely only be bad.

    If you saw her with a guy? Do nothing obviously. Go on with your life as she is going on with hers.

    Good luck :hug:
     
  23. AutoEuphoria

    AutoEuphoria New Member

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    It's a normal part of the healing process...it took me a long time to get over my first gf (1.5 year relationship). She dumped me out of the blue, too...didn't see it coming. It hurts, but that's normal. It's normal to feel pain when something you loved is taken out of your life. Best thing to do is to just cut her out of your life completely at this point...delete her number from your phone, put any pictures/letters in a box and ask a friend to take it home and put it somewhere...all that stuff will just bring temptation to contact her or will not let her get out of your head. Don't go checking her myspace if she has one...don't do any of that. Just forget she exists as much as possible, at least during this part. Later on you can go back and remember the good times and all that, but right now you just need to get over her.
     
  24. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Dude, it just takes time.

    Distraction helps you get through the hard times, but nothing is going to heal it but time itself.
     
  25. BootyBro

    BootyBro New Member

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    tru dat, its just that i aint no pimp (well maybe lol) but I fall for them way to quick and don't think about the other end. falling in love is so easy but getting out of it is just a bitch. I just pray I can find someone else that treated me like gold. Keeping my fingers crossed.
     

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