It hurts...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by GodSquadMandrake, Aug 16, 2005.

  1. GodSquadMandrake

    GodSquadMandrake New Member

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    When I was 17 I started dating this girl Jessica. We actually both started dating at the same time that we gave our lives to God and became Christians. I was the heathen bad boy trying to turn for good, and she has been good her whole life. She never drank, smoked and was still a virgin. It was a special relationship because it was the first one in which I actually respected the girl and tried to honor God and live in purity. We had physical boundaries, we prayed together, we even had a Bible verse together:

    1 Corinthians 13:4-7

    "4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6 It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

    I LOVED her with all my heart, and all my strength. I took every verse of the above and tried to honor her with that. It lasted two and a half years but then she went away to College to St. Cloud State University. She totally changed and got a tattoo, dyed her hair all black, just started to rebel in little ways. I didn't care, honestly I thought the black hair was sexy. But we started to spend less time together as I was working full time at a computer company, and she found some new friends there.
    One night she told me that she got drunk at some party and passed out in this guy's dorm. That was quite a shock, and I wanted to protect her from the dangers of that lifestyle, the things that I had once experienced myself. Well eventually she started to say that we didn't have much in common, and that she didn't know if we were meant to be together. Then one day she just up and said that God told her we weren't meant to be together. I couldn't believe it, but I knew that I couldn't tell her it was wrong, or say anything against what she thought was God's word. So we broke up and I was really hurt, I couldn't even talk to her. It was like this beautiful seemingly perfect relationship had been destroyed and I couldn't understand WHY. Why would she turn on me and just leave?!

    Well that was in February. Since then she got a new boyfriend at College and she's back in town for summer. I was hanging out with some mutual friends today and she was there. I was just sitting in a chair a few feet away as she was talking with one of her friends. Not even trying to listen I hear her begin to tell a story of how her boyfriend's Mom caught them in the act of sex. At that moment when she said that it was like 1,000 knives just ripped through my insides. I couldn't breathe, I just wanted to puke. It wasn't jealousy, anger, disgust or anything it was just pure SADNESS. I went outside obviously a little upset and a friend followed me because If you knew me you would know that nothing disturbs me, not even death. I explained to him what happened and he just said "It's her choice man." He was right. There's nothing I can do to help her, or change her. It's like the discovery channel when the lion pwns the gazzell.

    The reason it hit me so hard is because I totally changed my life around the time we first met. We grew up as Christians together and we both based our relationship on purity, and Godly love. It was like she had become a part of me, almost fused to my soul. Even though we have been apart for quite a while it was like that part was just finally ripped out of me. I haven't ever felt this much anguish over anything before, and this is like 6 months later. It feels like the pain is beyond simple love, it was a spiritual link that was broken at the same time.
    So I sit here now, totally shocked and amazed. The only thing I can do is take my pain and turn it into conviction and passion for my own faith and seeking the truth.
     
  2. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I'm going through something similar to you. It hurts, it really is. The feeling of someone you love so much with someone else is unbearable.
     
  3. maverick514

    maverick514 New Member

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    i went through something similar recently too....you just can't believe that they've changed so much especially after everything you went through...she's clearly over you already, so all you can really do is give it some more time, try not to hang around her or do anything that will remind you of her, and just move on
     
  4. GodSquadMandrake

    GodSquadMandrake New Member

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    Thanks guys. It's not so bad that she is with someone else, even though I know he doesn't respect her the same way I did.
    It's just the pain of knowing she turned on all that she used to value and it's like she is commiting spiritual suicide. I can't even explain it.
     
  5. CrxRacer619

    CrxRacer619 New Member

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    damn, I'm sorry to hear that man. Time will heal. People change. Be patient with love. Stay faithful and best of luck to you.
     
  6. MovieMan84

    MovieMan84 Here we go

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    A good friend of mine had her boyfriend cheat on her after a year together. Their relationship sounded quite similar to yours with the 1 Corithians rhetoric and the soul melding and stuff. Her failed relationship and stories like yours have made me a bit cynical. (For reference, I think she was 19 and the bf in question was 18 at the time.) These things happen sometimes though. People decide that a given lifestyle isn't making them happy and they change, often for the worse. Sorry to hear your story, and you're not alone, but I'd argue that you shouldn't take teenage relationships quite so seriously (I'm assuming she was 18 or 19 when she went to college, my mistake if I'm wrong there....)

    Your verse from 1 Cor and many like it support the Christian belief that the ultimate love is God's love for his Church/People and that a marriage should be a mirror of that. On the other hand, you weren't married, you were just dating. It's time to learn from this experience and move on.
     
  7. MrEous

    MrEous OT Supporter

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    Sorry to hear...just sounds like it wasn't meant to be in the long run. Keep what you have learned from the relationship and build that into a new one. I know it hurts but you will undoubtedly get over it over time.
     
  8. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    That's why you never dedicate yourself so completly to someone else. Yeah, that may be cynical, maybe even a little selfish, but it works, to reserve yourself for you.

    Oh, I've been where you are, well very similar situation, just having my heart ripped out. Maybe that's why I'm a bit cynical and reserved, but I always seem to wait for the bottom to fall out on what seems like a perfect relationship. I try not to, but when it happens in almost exact same ways or under similar circumstances, well you get a bit gaurded.

    I'm not going to comment on the religion part, too much, but I have seen the same thing happen many times over, myself included. You dedicate your life to religion, or at least living "in the right way", but after a while, you feel you need to experiance what is so wrong about certain things, sex, drugs, etc. Or you just start to realize, that there is no one true religion, and that maybe going to one church is not what you want to do, but live your life, with virtues that you feel is right, along with trying to be a good person/neighbour/boyfriend/girlfriend/parent/etc.
     
  9. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    "love is a fire that can warm you like no other, or it can burn you like no other." -me

    i got burned badly with my first girlfriend, i've been fairly cautious since then though i did give myself 100% to my last girlfriend, though that relationship decayed slowly so it wasn't so bad. now i'm just in that "no relationship for me, just have fun" mindset.

    people change, bonds change. it's a fact of life, gotta experience it. few dont.
     
  10. GodSquadMandrake

    GodSquadMandrake New Member

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    That's true. There's a difference between romance, and treating someone nice. The feeling of attraction and passion was missing because we weren't spending as much time with eachother etc. She obviously wasn't as committed as I was and so it was unrealistic to try and form our relationship into that "ultimate love" mold.

    Carpet Liqour I hear what your saying. After so many times of the same thing happening, it just hardens your heart. Like right now I don't want anything to do with girls.
    As for the religion part, I know that feeling too. You get excited about being dedicated to it at first, but eventually it feels boring and you want to experience more of life. I think that's exactly what happened with Jessica. It's like there is a rut you can get stuck in with religion where it becomes about rules and just being strict etc and then you don't want to do it anymore.
    I guess that's where Jessica and I drifted apart. She choose one path and I choose another. I'm not saying that i'm right and she's wrong, but that we choose different paths that lead us apart.
     

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