SRS It feels like too much!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Tornado6, Jun 27, 2005.

  1. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    I'm a divorced mother of one. I've planned all year to flip-flop custody of my son with my ex-husband. He hasn't been doing as well as he could in school, my ex hasn't been sending him lunch money, and he's kept out late on school nights, and he was tardy about three days per week because my ex just simply wasn't getting him out of bed and to school on time. He's starting fourth grade this year, and it is definately time to get him back on track.

    (Back story - my ex stayed in the old house, so my son could stay at the same school while I went back to college. We'd always loosely planned to switch custody after I graduated and wrote that into the divorce papers. We have joint legal custody, so this isn't exactly a "custody" battle.)

    Within the next month, I need to move to a new apartment in a somewhat unfamiliar part of town so that I live within the boundaries of my son's elementary school. (Don't want to force him to chage schools again right now.) The complex we want into is pressuring us hard to take a more expensive apartment. My son starts school on August 16th, so we can't afford to dork around with them forever, but we also don't want to be railroaded. We're already going to have to double-up our rent for August because our current lease isn't up until September 1st.

    This morning, I took the Amendment to the custody agreement to my ex-husband, and he refused to sign it. We'd previously agreed to everything on it verbally. He didn't want to discuss it in front of our son, so now I have NO idea what is going on. I don't even know if it is just something little on the paper that he's balking at, or if he's changing his mind overall about the whole situation. (Which will force us into court, something we've never done before, and it will force me to borrow money from my parents for the lawyer.)

    I've also been laid off this year, and I'm busting my butt to find a job with benefits that will also let me be home in the evenings with my son. (That rules out a whole lot of slam-dunk things like retail / food.)

    I just feel like I'm going to explode from all of it. I hate it when everything seems to converge like this. I don't feel like I can give anything my full attention because it is pulling me so many different ways. Oh, and today is my birthday - maybe I've got a case of the birthday blues.
     
  2. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    Well first, Happy Birthday :)

    Second, I feel that when my world comes crashing down the best thing to do is take things one at a time and don't lok back until you see a light at the end of the tunnell.

    1st get a job. I nterview all day every day. Go on every single interview even if it sounds stupid. With a college education things should be a little easier for you. I know it sounds silly but check into car dealerships. They pay pretty well and depending on your experience you couls be anything from an accountant to a phone operator. You will need to have a stable income if you ever go to court. It is very rare that a judge will side with a father in a custody battle unslee drugs/ are extreme financial/ mental instability are involved. But still, cover your bases. This will also help you get into an apatrment.

    2nd house HUNT. Go to several appartment complexes, apply everywhere and open your options.

    3rd talk to your husband. Be firm with him, and don't make it look like you are scared to go to court. If he doesn't call your bluff it may make things a little easier. But if you have all of the rest of your ducks in order court will be a piece of cake :)
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Your death is another persons bread , look at your situation, everyone seems to be financially gaining from your poor choises in your DISADVANTAGE.

    Look, it's all nice that you want the best for your kid, etc etc. And i agree with Dr.Phil's book FAMILY FIRST, because family does come first. But if you want to save yourself from financial mayhem, i want you to listen to me and start looking at the FIGURES, because these determine the (healthy) balance of your household.

    Listen to me, there's a big black hole just right up ahead of you and it's called the jurisdiction system, lawyers who are waiting like sharks for people like you who are going to go into conflict with their former partners over legal battles on the children. And im not lying when im saying this is going to cost you THOUSANDS of dollars , i know a woman just like you who ended up back with the husband she divorced INTO THE SAME APPARTMENT due to the financial problems , and custody case. Can you imagine it, that the whole financial struggle that the court case would cast upon you would actually bring you two back together again?

    Take your kid out of that school, and move out along with your ex-husband to an area where you are 'financially' secure. The kid is still young so it will hopefully still have a flexible attitude.
     
  4. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    My ex can't afford a lawyer any more than I can, so hopefully I can bluff him. His parents never have lent him money, and they are fairly open about wanting me to have the child this year, so I don't think he's going to find the same financial backing on short notice. Is that bullying him? Maybe. Is it worth it? I think so.

    I don't want to move him out of school right now. He's been to three different schools, and he just finished 3rd grade. There is an opening in two years when he will be changing schools starting Middle School. He is in an incredible school, so there is always hope that what I sow now will be reaped in the form of college funding later on (because I know that is going to fall on my shoulders based on his dad's financial history.)

    I'm not sure exactly which "poor choices" of mine anyone is gaining from.
     
  5. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    True lawyers are expensive, but that can be the best few thousand you have EVER spent if it means getting your child. I work for an attorney, and am dating one. My step dad is an attorney, but they are all PI and business so I wish I could give you some free legal advice :) but I can't, sorry. Just get your funds in order, it is very rare a judge will grant full legal custody to the father. Especially if he is not so "in order" himself.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    There are liars and there are lawyers, arrogance line up towards hell if you ask me :rolleyes: , i can see imsomniac is defending the whole juridiction system, hey i confess if i was earning my bread with it i would do the same.

    What i am interested in is, aka, the worst case scenario happens, you lose your kid and you lose 14 thousand dollars,as well as custody. Would you be able to survive a worst case scenario like this , or maby even worse? I mean im really worried about you, and what psychological effects this whole odeal has on you. I really feel asif you are fighting this fight alone, and those attorneys usually have something better to do then dealing with your custody, a simple 'calling them' can already cost you hundreds of dollars, and that is the poor choise thing i was talking about. If i where you , i would try to make this an 'inside' job and avoiding the jurisdictial system as much as possible. Having had some life experience, and 'trust me' i've been there, it always comes down to that 'if you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself' because , these lawyers just sit there to make their own living and not to solve your problems, what would they care if you get to see your son or not? I mean that's just me trying to warn you because im worried about you ok :( your kid and your financial situation. At any case don't 'throw' it all into the wind just like that ok?
     
  7. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    The worst pressure of not knowing what is going on is finally passing. Things are slowly starting to click into place.

    We put a deposit on the apartment we wanted yesterday. We're moving August 5th. We have to double rent for the entire month of August - the current apartment won't let us out of our lease even one day early. It's going to be about $1500 for the month with switching around security deposits and everything. Ouch, considering I'm not officially employed yet.

    I had a really good interview Wednesday, I've got another this Tuesday, and I'm expecting a call-back interview this Wednesday. I should be employed within two weeks, if everything stays on track. I know one of the jobs is pretty much a slam-dunk, but the interview Tuesday is for quite a bit more money. I'll have to see how that goes.

    My parents are back from vacation, and I talked to them about the custody problems. They fully support me, including financial support should I require it. My ex-in-laws are behind me as well, and ex-MIL has promised to talk to her son if she can manage to get him to answer his phone. (They are not close and don't speak often.) My parents also said they would help us out with the double rent if we asked. I'd prefer to handle that on my own, but it is really nice to know that security net is there if I absolutely have to have it. I fully expect to be employed and have my first paycheck by then, so I think we'll swing it without them.

    My student loan consolidation paperwork is finally processed, and that payment is going to drop by $50 a month. Conveniently, our rent is going up by $95, but we're going to save about $60 in laundry costs, so it is only going to be about $45 in actual cost. That about evens everything out.

    I haven't gotten my ex to sign the paperwork yet, but I have spoken quite frankly about how serious the situation is, and gently slipped in the fact that we can always go to court over it... I know he doesn't like to hear that because it flashes dollar signs in front of his eyes. He knows quite well how supportive my parents are, without me needing to say anything at all to him about it. He knows how unsupportive his parents will be without needing to ask. I'm pretty sure I can talk my way into getting him to sign, but I've decided that with or without the signature, our son is starting the school year with me. My ex has already agreed to this verbally, and I will fight him tooth and nail if I have to. He has been failing our son miserably, and he is in serious need of a "rescue" at this point.

    It is not all roses and rainbows, but it is starting to look up. A plan is forming, and I don't feel like everything in the whole world is up in the air anymore. My s/o and I have both been stressed to the max, and we had actually started picking fights with each other over stupid crap. We had a good crying fit this weekend, called a truce, and regrouped to stand together against whatever we come up against. It feels much better to be in this together, just to say it out loud to each other that we are there for each other.

    I'm also excited because our new apartment has two full baths, and we won't have to use the communal laundry room anymore. Hooray!
     
  8. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Well good, I m glad things are looking up for you :)
     

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