SRS Issues with pregnant girl

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by wizurd, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. wizurd

    wizurd TRUE OT OG BRO

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    I don't even know what the fuck to talk about. I'm angry, I'm happy, I'm sad....this shit is a fucking rollercoaster.

    Basically the girl I got pregnant in December is having twins (just found out they're fraternal, not identical) and I do not want a relationship with her. Fuck, I'm not even close to being ready to have kids. I feel like I'm just getting started in life and can barely take care of myself and now two kids are on their way being born out of wedlock. :sad2:

    She has no family here whatsoever. I have my Mom, brother, and sister. We've talked about moving in together but that isn't really an option anymore. I'm still talking to another girl, who knows about this girl being pregnant, and I have rather strong feelings for her. So the preggo woman is still on the fence about moving to California where her family is. So am I just going to be a source of income and not have a chance to be a father because of her decision? Kind of fucked up IMO......which is why I told her to have a fucking abortion in the first place. She's totally against that........which I can't really blame her in a way, but when it's an ABSOLUTE mistake and you and this person were NEVER serious whatsoever, it should definitely BECOME an option.


    Fuck, I don't know what else to say. Let me hear what you folks think and I'll answer whatever I can.
     
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    well that sucks. get a paternity test and you might not have to have a relationship with her ever.

    but really you gotta grow up, in a hurry. who knows in a few years you may be happy to have those little bundles of joy.

    if she moves though, thats just fucking wrong and evil in my book... at least if you are trying to be a dad....

    like in juno

    girls know the baby once its inside them; men dont know the baby until its born and they see it
     
  3. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    You're in the same position me and my boyfriend are in. In our case the chick that got preggo was a fuck buddy and completely insane. We found out she was pregnant about a month into our relationship [she was about six weeks at that point]. I ended staying with him and it'll be two years on St Patty's Day for us.

    It's hard, man. I'm not gonna lie, and that's from the "other woman" point of view. I wish she had had an abortion but that's just me being petty. If it's not an option for her, then don't push it.

    It is kind of fucked up that if she moves you won't have a chance to be there for the kids like it seems you want to....but it's also your own damn fault for having kids out of wedlock. It wasn't your decision to not have an abortion, but it was your decision to stick your dick in her.

    Have fun with the child support payments. Going through court is a bitch.


    All in all, man....:hug: I know what you're going through.
     
  4. wizurd

    wizurd TRUE OT OG BRO

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    :hsd: I just spoke with the girl I'm with now more about it and she's being completely cool about it letting me know that it IS my situation and not hers and that it won't affect us. Even though if we are together as long as you and your boyfriend have been I am sure she will be fine with the kids.


    I also have a feeling that she thought she was going to "trap" me with this shit...which really shouldn't be surprising.


    I'm not 100% sure how child support works if she moves out of state but if she stays here I will get 50% and can deal with the rest. Hopefully I'll get to be there for my children but I have a feeling she's going to bolt to California.
     
  5. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    this.

    I suppose the mom-to-be could consider giving up the babies. But if she doesn't want to do that, I don't blame her at all for considering moving back with her family. You're already concerned about the next woman, not about the life changing event that is about to take place, and want no relationship with the mom. That sounds kind of selfish to me. She's going to need a lot of help - one baby is a lot of work, two means no sleep ever for a single parent.

    It's unfortunate that you are in this situation where you have no say, but you helped get yourself here. You're going to be responsible for these two children now before any others whose conception is planned and wanted.

    I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Ok.

    First and foremost, it's time to grow up. You made a choice and the consequence of that choice ended up in pregnancy. Now you have to deal with that consequence.

    You sound like the type of father that isn't going to be involved in his kids lives, so her moving to California to be near her family IS probably in the best interest of her children.

    But as their father, you need to take up your responsibility and take care of your kids. No, there is no way you should move in with this girl at all. You aren't happy together, and you are into the other girl anyway. There is NO shame in not getting with the mother of your kids, so LONG as you always put your kids first and take your responsibility for them.

    don't be a fucking deadbeat. If she moves to California, then figure out how visitation is going to work, because you would be a real piece of shit if you had nothing to do with your kids. Man up, and take responsibility. Don't leave a couple of kids with issues about why their father doesn't want anything to do with them. Do you have any idea how HARD that is on them?

    As for child support, each state has a calculator for it. It's mainly based on what YOUR income is and what HER income is. Other things factor into it, like if you are paying for their insurance that'll reduce it slightly. That kind of thing. In my case, I have two kids, and my child support is roughly 28% of my NET (not gross) income. No, that's not how they calculate it, but it'll give you an idea of what you'll be paying.

    Encourage her (your pregnant girl), be there for her while she is pregnant (regardless of the issues between you), and NEVER EVER forget that she is the mother of your children. What happens to her affects YOUR kids. Remember that.

    In short, it's time to stop whining about abortions and her moving, and grow up. It's also time to figure out what would be the BEST for your kids as far as location is concerned. And finally, SUPPORT your fucking kids and be in their lives. Else, you're just like every other deadbeat out there.
     
  7. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    Honestly, I don't have any sympathy in this situation at all if you two didn't go out of your way to not have her pregnant. You know, contraceptives.

    But as it goes, you'll more then likely end up paying for child support if you're claiming yourself as father of these children and no, you don't have to sign their birth certificate as father of the child. You should probably get a paternity test just in case she's been screwing with other people. After you get the results then you can sign it but let me tell you, it's going to be legally binding.

    You should probably sit down and talk to her about the options that are out there and have her think about her situation right now. Like, does she have a good job? Can she support herself and two children, even with the child support that you may be paying? Will she be able to make ends meet plus some, or is she going to be living pay check by pay check?

    Then bring alternative solutions to this like giving the child up for adoption. If she's still in the early stages then she could definitely do this: meeting up with potential parents, getting to know them, and shit, if she's serious about this they'll pay for her necessity expenses like food. This is probably the best alternative if she isn't ready to have kids and don't want an abortion. If she does do this then both you and her will give up your parental rights to the adoptive parents and matters of visitation rights will be up to them.

    In any case, good luck. I hope your current interest is empathetic towards you and the situation.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So now will you wear a condom?




    It's obvious you won't be a very fit father. The girl you knocked up would be best moving towards her family who will actually help her out. As long as you aren't a total deadbeat father and see the kids here and there you'll live.
     
  9. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    its amazing how if you want to be in your kids life bitches do everything in their power to fuck that up, if you dont want shit to do with your kids, they're on fucking Maury Povich and shit...good luck with all that.
     
  10. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :ugh:

    So moving to California to BE NEAR HER FAMILY TO GET THE HELP THAT THIS GUY SOUNDS LIKE HE ISN'T GOING TO GIVE HER, is trying to fuck him over?

    It's a VERY common thing for a girl who is having a kid to want to move back close to her family. Finding out you are going to have a kid is pretty overwhelming news at first.
     
  11. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    I'm glad to see that the majority of views don't match this one. I was fearful that it might. Hopefully M.E. isn't anyone's role model.

    Viper had it dead on (and better because it was from a dad's POV)
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: I think you read it completely wrong OR you are crazy :mamoru:
     
  13. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    yes, and obviously gay marriage is to blame for this couple spitting in the face of the traditional family unit and spawining twin bastards in the holy irises of God.

    and it was a joke...rooted in truth...

    ...again it was a joke (rooted in truth), and i have legions of followers so...FEAR MY ARMADA!
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Maybe it was a joke. If so then ----> :rofl:

    But it was in no way rooted in truth.
     
  15. M.E.

    M.E. New Member

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    i agree it doesnt apply to this situation...but through observation of people i know, it fits like a glove...not an OJ glove.
     
  16. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    First, how old are you? You said your just barely starting in life and can barely support yourself. I hope your in school and if not you need to enroll because its gonna be hard trying to land a good job with out an education. You don't have to be with the mother of your children to be a good father. Asking her to have an abortion is being selfish. You can't deny their right into this world regardless of what financial and emotional state your in. I don't blame her for wanting to go back to Cali. You guys aren't together so why would she stay somewhere that she doesn't know anyone. She needs to be with her family, babies are hard to take care of much less two. She needs all the help she can get. It is your obligation to help her financially as much as you can, not only that, try to be in there lives. Be there when she gives birth at least, put your name on their birth certificates. Be a good role model, visit as much as possible. Trust me, you don't want to miss out on them growing up. You will regret it when you and they are much older. Start planning and looking for better jobs and/or focus on an education. Don't say you can't do it because i'm working a full time job taking 3 classes in college and taking care of a 2 year old by myself. It is possible.
     
  17. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    Make sure you get a paternity test and don't sign the birth certificate till the results are in. She may think you're accusing her of being a whore, but you need to know for sure that you're the father if the two of you weren't in a relationship at the time.
     
  18. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    Oh, btw, if you're wondering why I'm advising against you signing the birth certificate is that... you're going to be royaly fucked if the kid isn't yours.
     
  19. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    I think she's going to have to move if all her family is back in Calif. I don't think you have a choice, frankly.

    You and her need to come to a real agreement really quickly, otherwise your ass is going to get summonsed to Family Court in LA County and forced into an arrangement you're not going to ever want to get into.

    Even if it's basic such as some preliminary support agreement and visitation rights. Problem is that if both of you agree to split and never talk again, there's nothing from stopping her from walking into Family Court and screwing you so badly, it's not even funny.

    Not trying to be a buzzkill, but this is very, very serious for you, whether she wants you in the life of the kids or not.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I find it sad how many people don't trust that these kids are his. He obviously didn't wear a condom and isn't telling us exactly how it went down, but I'd like to think not every woman sleeps with numerous people and gets knocked up.
     
  21. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    He hasn't told us if they were even dating when she got knocked up. You should always get a paternity test if you weren't in a relationship or if the relationship is under 6 mo, at the very least.
     
  22. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Been there chief. Confirm paternity, then when the results come in showing it's yours, you'll have no excuses. Be prepared to be responsible. It's your obligation as a human being, unless of course you want to feel bad about yourself for the rest of your life.

    Always be responsible and proactive, and understand the circle of concern (COC) vs. circle of influence (COI) - What can I "change", and what can I "do" in my circle of influence. I have no control over people, places, and things directly in the circle of concern, but I can expand my influence by being "self focused".
    Be "Self Focused" - but not "Selfish - Principle Centered - keeping the focus on myself and core ideals, values and my roles.

    If she has the kids, you have to decide whether you're going to abandon them or not, because you can't be apart of their lives but have no relationship at all with her. You can't have both. However, that relationship doesn't necessarily need to be romantic, but you should be on good terms with her.

    You may not feel you're ready, but obviously you were, since you had unprotected sex (I assume). Relax, it's not as painful or as hard as it sounds. It's like a new pet, a new, very very very important pet. Hehe. Kids are great, but you have to have the right support system from family, friends and have a good relationship with the girl or her family too. When everyone shares the burden, kids are much easier to deal with.

    You just said the pregnant girl has no family. Does she or doesn't she?

    That logic doesn't work too well from the point of view of the future human being who will reflect back on that. You should be very careful about the choice you make on this issue. It's also important to work with the girl on the issue, not against her. Attacking her, getting angry with her -- none of that is going to be useful. You're a dad, period. Right now you're a father no matter whether she has an abortion down the road or not.

    My opinion is that you need to understand that children do no destroy futures. You can have kids and still do the things you'd like to do. I would stop being negative and start thinking about the positive things this experience can bring into your life. Going with the flow helps solve problems.
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2008
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    She didn't make him wear a condom so she is no better than he is. They weren't in a relationship so there's no reason to assume that she wasn't sleeping with anyone else.
     

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