SRS Issues with Dad. No, I'm not a teenager full of angst.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RyeBread, Oct 3, 2005.

  1. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    Some of you may recall that this has been a difficult year.

    In March, my 23 yr old cousin had to have major brain surgery to correct a vascular "abnormality".

    Then, we lost my wife's grandfather in June, on the same day that the neighbor lost their 2 1/2 year old first born son to cancer.

    2 Weeks or so later, my father was found "unresponsive" by my mother at 9:00 am. (about 3 days after nasal surgery to fix a broken nose he suffered from a trip+fall)

    He went into respitory failure in the ambulance on the way to the ER, and "crashed". They brought him back, and he was in a medically induced coma for a week. They speculate that he aspirated a blood clot from his nose.

    At any rate, another week in the hospital after that, and into a nursing home he went for OT/PT. (He's also had Parkinson's for something like 17 years - and he's not an "old" man for someone who has had the disease that long, he just turned 60 in August)

    Whilst in the nursing home, he started to develop some hallucinations, and tried to "escape". In a full tilt run, he supposedly "fell". And rebroke his nose, and every finger on his left hand, major road rash on his knees, shoulders, and face.

    I've been tackled football style on pavement, and never suffered injuries that extensive, but regardless; there were other problems with his personal care at the facility, and it was too much of a drive for all of us to be able to visit him regularily enough. We made it down there about every other day, but that wasn't enough at the time. So we yanked him.

    Now, he's in an adult foster car facility, 15 minutes from my house. My mom, myself, and/or the wife and kids try make it a point to visit at least daily. In fact, Mom took him out yesterday for a day trip, and brought him over to our house for dinner.

    Things were 'ok', he's just degraded so much in the past few months. We all know that late term Parkinson's patients endure the onset of dementia, but for some reason this all just seems like such a hard, fast fall.

    He's nearly constantly seeing things, and/or having conspiracy theory attacks.

    I got the call last night at 9:30 pm, while the staff were trying to help my father go the bathroom, he spazzed. He was never physically, or verbally violent in his entire life by all accounts.

    Last night, he "strong armed" the personal care nurse, and hit the owner of the facility in the back, then wouldn't let go of her arm/wrist until I showed up and physically had to wrestle her free from him.

    He claims that "they" are out to get him, that "they" had at least 4 needles they wanted to jam him with. (no meds are disbursed by needle in this facility).

    I'm usually able to keep my spirits up, but this is really hard seeing my Mom crying all the time, and watching my father erode like this. Probably doesnt' help that I'm on about 3 hours of sleep again.

    I'm not really looking for advice. We are well versed on Parkinson's and are getting a very rapid education on dementia.

    And through all of this, yes I know things can always get worse, so I'm doing my best to not "poor me".

    I guess I just needed to get this off my chest though. Feels like I've been forgetting to breathe for a few days...
     
  2. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    It is always very difficult when a parent starts fading. We think of them sometimes as being imortal. Our parents have always been strong for us...they have raised us...and then finally they become old and frail and the children become the guardians, and we realize that our parents who yelled at us, loved us, soothed us, kissed our owies, taught us so many valuable lessons won't be around forever, and it is heartbreaking to watch their decline. I have just begun to face this reality and I wonder if I will be as strong as you are. I hope so.
    My heart goes out to you it really does.
    It is good that you are there for your Mother, she must be going through the tortures of the damned to see and experience her life long mate so frail, confused and in decline...and perhaps he was her strength and she is alone now.
    You are good son one that any parent would be proud of. There is little I can say to ease your burden, and trite as it may sound, you must get your proper rest as it is necessary for soul strengthening.
    Be careful out there.
     
  3. Chicago

    Chicago Unleash The Dragon - Sexy Rexy For President

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    well said :bigthumb: ... im only 21, and my parents are still far from heading down the road of declining, but death has always been my biggest fear in life, although i have no control of it i always wish there was something i could do to make it go away. i no nothing of what you must be going through now but i wish you and your family all the best and i pray that your father may one day regain some sort of stability in his life.

    life is to short to live with fear and pain, take it day by day and make the most of it while you can. Godspeed
     
  4. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I can't second guess any medical opinion on this....I'm sorry for your situation. But could it be the meds are contributing to his situation as well? My dad was once in the hospital in 2002 after he had a severe accident. Broken neck, broken ribs, shattered elbow.... they had him on a lot of things. While he was there, he had all kinds of stories about how the nurses were conspiring against him. He told my mom that they were taking samples of his blood to do wild crazy experiments on him with the government. He was dead serious too...he even told the hospital chaplain who proceeded to avoid his room from then on. Today my dad can't remember any of that. Those drugs are wicked.
     
  5. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    thanks all for the input. I know most of this at a fundamental level, and yet it's still very hard to witness it.

    And it was also pretty therapeutic to vent it all some place in such a way as to not put a burden on my family, my co-workers, or RL close friends.

    as for the meds that my father is on. He long ago metabolized the stuff they had him on in the hospital. His maintenance drugs for his parkinson's have actually been cut in half, as the myrapex is known to have some hallucinigenic effects on people (he's been on it for years and years and years)

    he's also on numenda, and seroquel - both in an attempt to knock down the "seeing things" and slow the onset of dementia.

    most people don't know this, but dementia is almost universally guaranteed to begin in late stage parkinson's patients. The fear/sadness for us is that it is so sudden after his trauma.

    his cognitive ability has literally fallen off of a cliff since his hospitalization. As his neurologist pointed out, it's pointless to attempt to find the causal factor, whether it's just a sudden progression due to parkinson's, or brain damage caused by the respitory arrest is meaningless - as they have to treat him as he is now - regardless of the causal factor.

    the flip side to all of this is guilt. not only mine, but also my mothers. Not the guilt that it's our fault that he's in this position - but more so, the guilt of entertaining even for a minute thoughts that 911 should not have been called when my mom discovered him.

    I hate seeing my mom crying all the time. This is as was stated above, her best friend, life time partner, and literally her other half. They've been married for 37 years. :wtc:

    add to all of this, while my dad is "retired", my mom has another 5 years or so to teach before she can really retire. So this is having an impact on her performance, and will likely require her to take a leave of absence.

    for one thing, if he's violent one more time, he'll have to be relocated (Again)

    not to mention the financial implications. right now, he's in a facility that basically costs just a little bit more than his pension provides in income. other/more expensive facilities will require the whole medicaid/medicare poverty crap where they'll force my mom to spend down all of my dad's assets - she's even worried about the house, even though everyone states that the house (and if he had a car) is exempt from those requirements.
     
  6. page

    page New Member

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    Are you sure some of this isn't from his "fall" as you put it, in the nursing home (the one you guys couldn't get to everyday).

    I currently work in a medical malpractice firm, and we have quite a few nursing home cases for neglect/injury etc. I would seriously take a look into that facility he was at to make sure that their care doesn't have something to do with his current condition.
     
  7. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    well.

    for one, parkinson's, especially late stage is known to have the onset of dementia.

    for two, he was having some of the same issues while in the hospital. the difference is, that in michigan, they can restrain a patient. nursing and rehab facilities are NOT allowed to do so unless prescribed by a doctor. they can't even legally sedate him without consent from him, or his guardian.

    we have no doubt that some of the degradation in his cognitive ability resulted from parksinsons, and that a larger percentage is damage sustaned from the extensive period of time that he was suffering total respitory arrest.

    he was only in the nursing home for the rehab for a month, and my mom managed to get there every day - she's a teacher and had the summer off.
     
  8. page

    page New Member

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    Ah, okie. I don't know much about Parkinson's, but it's good that you guys are trying hard to learn everything and take care of him in the best way possible.I wish you and your family the best of luck.
     
  9. kitty

    kitty Uppity ass cat OT Supporter

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    There is nothing to say that you don't already know. Just from reading a few of your posts it's clear you are intelligent and emotionally dealing with a very stressful situations the best you can. Please keep posting.

    I'm ashamed to say, my mind goes to the financial situation. Because in difficult times it's hard to think clearly. Try not to let guilt over ride reality. I'm just worried dealing with debt and the loss of a loved one may trigger a major depression in your mother and perhaps yourself.

    Keep us posted :hug:
     
  10. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    I'd be lying if I weren't concerned a little about the financial side of things. So far, the facilities that he has been placed in make up approximately what his disability/pension is equal to.

    My mother is also VERY conservative with how she is going about trying to plan for the future - going so far as to not even consider selling the family home since it's one thing that is protected from medicaid/medicare.

    Honestly, his care, and my family's wellbeing are more important to me than the funds.

    My wife just read this over my shoulder, and pointed out something, that somehow slipped my mind last week when I posted this. Our labor day weekend was spent burying my 8/9 month old nephew... :wtc: :(

    too much on my mind and plate I guess. oh, not looking forward to class tomorrow night, or tuesday night either. :hs: :hs:
     
  11. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Seems like it never just sprinkles rain...it just pours doesn't it? I am sorry to hear about your nephew...such a young life gone...

    I cannot address the financial implications because I am unaware of the "rules" regarding medicare in the US. I am sure though that you will explore every fiscal avenue if you have not done so already.

    I was pleased when you pointed out that your wife was looking over your shoulder...I am glad that you have someone you can share with in this troubled time. I am also positive that it must not be easy for her either, garner strength from one another.

    Keep up with your studies even though it is so damned diffuclt to focus at this particular time.

    This event called "life" is so amazing at times...it hands out so much joy, so much sorrow, and oftentimes it is a struggle to maintain one's balance...I know you will handle this the best way you can. Your compassion is touching and very sincere. I only wish the best for you and your family.

    Continue being strong.

    You are in my thoughts.:)
     
  12. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    Thank you for the kind words. Yes, my wife and I, through this difficult year have a renewed dedication to each other, and our priorities. We have grown stronger together facing these journies together in ways that just can't be described.

    Our 10th anniversary was "celebrated" driving her to the airport late in August so she could say good bye the weekend that Chase died.

    Yes, when it rains it pours. However, I like this quote:

    Another thing regarding the financial side. While concerned, I'm concerned for my mom's future, and the level of funding available to take care of my father.

    My wife and kids are, and will be taken care of financially regardless.

    For one, I'm heavily over insured. For two, Grandpa left a very sizeable estate, some of which is already trickling in. (it'll be over a decade before some of the real estate holdings can be disposed of due to the way the living trusts are set up for some of his loved ones that are living in some of the houses)
     

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