Issues with being social

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by tubachris85x, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Wasnt really too sure how to title this, but I am suffering from a problem Ive had for aloooooong time; I lack the ability to be AS social as others can be.

    One of my biggest issues, is that I can go to all these parties and whatnot, but I dont drink alchohol (just cant find the taste enjoyable). So that puts me in a very awkward spot, since once most of the crowd has gotten tipsy or whatever, they usually find their own little groups and go into their own worlds, making it hard for me to really "participate." Only a few times have I actually been successful at actually joining in with a few of them, but usually ends in failure, usually by them just splitting off.

    Oh man, I never realized how hard it is to really even maintain a convo with another girl that Ive met for the first time. I try and try, but I just cant seem to figure out how to keep their interest level.

    I guess it goes back to that "nice guy" thing. Dont get me wrong, Im nice to an extent, but I cant find myself trying to be otherwise.

    Outside of parties, for example, Ive read about that PUA? stuff, like just randomly walking up to girls and just start talking, I just find that to be really creepy, and thats why I havent found myself capable of doing that. Yea, I guess whoever is on the recieving end might think it's a balsy thing to do, but In my mind, I think it would be pretty creepy.

    CLIFFS: Im the guy in the back you see at parties and want to learn how to not be..:sadwavey:
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    if you aren't going to drink, why even go to parties at all?

    although before i was a big drinker i always found a way to have a good time at them i must say
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Pretty much what Yail said. Don't go to parties if you don't do the whole "get wasted at the party every night" thing. It would be like going to a concert for a band you had no interest in.

    Go do something where the focus is something you actually enjoy.
     
  4. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    See thats the issue, I can never find anything that is as social, that dosnt involve drinking of some kind. Its even harder now, since I dont really have a group of friends to go with, not really even a wingman.

    Ive been going out to resturants, Monk's for example, where I can be more social then a standard place. I hang out at the bar there, despite not drinking, but I get to at least have ocasional discussions with others.

    I just dont have any other places/things to go to around here. Parties have been my only way for me to get out and at least attempt at being social.

    The only club Ive been to so far, has been a place called "Aj's," I actually applied for a job there, but I went there last week with some ROTC people, but I hardly even knew any of them, and they didnt really seem interested in hanging with me. They have a huge outdoor dance floor above the main building, and I just dont dance. I hung out near some dart boards the rest of the night, I just dont find that type of enviornment suitable for me.

    I cant force myself to like it, but I have no other way of trying to be social elsewhere without coming off as weird/creepy. Its just not "me"
     
  5. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    if you really don't drink simply because you don't enjoy the taste... try different kinds of alcohol :o. i'm sure there is something that you'll like.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I have a few friends who are non-drinkers. They always have the most success at meeting women at parties, bars, etc.

    I think it's beyond silly to say it's pointless to go to a party and not drink, that's like saying "well you have to drink to be social, so since you don't you might as well stay home and play with yourself" :rolleyes:

    It takes tons of practice hun. You've always made it apparent that your whole life you've had a problem being social, so of course it is tough for you. Putting yourself out there and actually making yourself converse with people is a great start though.

    While you might find it "creepy" right now in your sort of fragile state to just walk up to a girl by herself an strike up a random conversation why not start slowly? Go to a larger group and try to talk to the people in that group. Start to focus on one person more when you feel less anxious. If the conversation slows don't beat yourself up about it, just move on to the next person.

    I'd say your biggest issue right now is over-analyzing and worrying too much about what people think. The best conversations I've had with strangers were off the cuff, not with someone crossing their arms looking nervous as if they were planning what to say.

    Have you looked into the therapy yet at FSU?
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I'm pretty decent at parties because I can drink. Nobody likes the taste of alcohol, dude. People drink to chill or get a little hammered. I find it helps if you don't try too hard. For me it makes me less analytical and less worried. Find one person to talk to and build a real conversation with them. I used to bounce from person to person or group to group and then realized how awkward that was when it would happen to me by guys who are socially worse than I am. You want to be able to go to future parties and recognize people you know and know you back. If you are happening to talk to someone you don't really have a strong rapport or connection with, who cares, just keep at it. Don't be afraid to give the uggo fatties the time of day too. The guys who do best with girls talk to *everyone*. It makes you appear nonthreatening.
     
  8. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    To be honest, not yet. Ive been trying franticaly to get a new job this whole weekend.

    I guess getting layed off for the reasons I was, was really a breaking point for me mentally, the feeling that you've hit "rock bottom," and not knowing how to get out. Enough of that.

    Anyways, Im trying to just get better at this. Yes, I can say your right about how they'll think about me, but then again, I want people to accept for who I am. Nothing I guess I can really do, but just keep trying.

    One thing Ive learned about building, is that you learn by trial and error until you get it right. Perhaps the same can be said about this..
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I hear ya. I also think it's in your best interests to focus all your days with applying everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Wal-Mart may not seem like your fav place to work, but it's better than nothing and you can always get a job and look for a better one in the meantime. Check craigslist for Tallahassee as well for jobs.

    Some people might not accept you for who you are, you have to accept that and not let it hurt you. It's human nature for people to just not get someone or dislike them for being different, but who cares? The only way you can find friends is by putting yourself out there in some way. And yes, your building comparison is perfect.

    Does TCC have intramural sports? Actually I recall a few of my TCC friends taking intramural sports with our FSU teams. You should definitely look into that as well. Excellent way to meet tons of people and have a blast.
     
  10. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    lol, oh yea, im trying every place that has an application. As for TCC, I know that they have a flag football team, and I think a basketball team as well. The thing is, Ive been going to TCC's gym for the past 2 months now, and I never see anything about the school's sport teams, let alone even practices.

    I'll be gettting back volunteering with the theatre in august, so I think that'll help me out a bit. Plus, one of the sorority's has been having me help them out and wants me to help them build some stuff for their rush week events. Only difference now, is that im single...
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That's all awesome! Good job man
     
  12. enigmatic

    enigmatic Guest

    Nobody will judge the person for NOT drinking. If they do, they are tools.

    Go to the party, hang out, talk, don't even bring up the fact that you are not consuming alcohol.
     
  13. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Word, stop being a sally.

    I can't even tell you how many people alcohol has lead me to meet.
     
  14. mistergixter

    mistergixter New Member

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    my suggestion would be to nurse a beer. a lot of drinks are an aquired taste, for example Guinness. I hated Guinness at first...but now I love it. Like a lot of people have mentioned above, don't feel obligated to drink.

    I saw that you are going to do some work for a soroirty, if you are decently built muscle wise and it is hot outside, you could work without your shirt. Then you could be viewed as the muscle guy building stuff. Girls like to state at that stuff I think? Maybe IWYWB and Aquakittie can back me up on that.

    I am going through the same thing kind of, being overly shy and Yail has given awesome advice which was to go outside of your comfort zone sometimes.

    Good luck.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    thats not the point

    the point is that in general if everyone is drunk and you are sober, you will not have fun
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: I have plenty of fun when I stay sober amongst drunks.
     
  17. mistergixter

    mistergixter New Member

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    I agree, because then you can have fun by messing with the people who are indeed trashed.

    Even people watching can prove to be funny.
     
  18. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Think of it like when you are the designated driver... you still have fun at the party, just not as much.

    Chris, I was gonna say you don't need to be drunk to dance with girls; in fact, I don't know anyone who's a better dancer when they are drunk than they are sober. More relaxed and more loose maybe, but not a better dancer. BUT then I read you don't like dancing.

    If you don't drink or dance, there's not really a whole lot to do at parties. :o Yeah, you could talk to people, buuut how much does anyone really talk at a party?


    P.S. Don't beat yourself up over this "creepy" thing. It's not creepy. Girls are people too. They, just like everyone else, appreciate when someone interesting takes the time and effort to talk to them. :)
     
  19. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Its not that its drink specific, its just for some reason, the actual taste of alchohol overpowers everything else to me. I do try different beers from time to time, but you'll never really see me drinking more then a sip, if any. Plus, Im still 19, and the last major party I went to, a cop came and started carding everyone. I dont even like Smirnoff...

    lol, Im not the musclely type to work with a shirt off yet....
     
  20. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Thats usually the case, I actually am the DD, mostly because whenever I do go to a part with my brother and roomate, they know I dont drink. I get free whataburger out of it at the end of the night lol

    As for dancing, I just cant stand the type of music that they choose to dance to. Im just not into the rap/hip-hop style. I just look beyond goofy, and it doesnt help being 6'6'. I always felt I should have been alive sometime between the 30s and 50s, I always seem to like to dance to Swing/Jazz :o
     
  21. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    Take a ballroom dancing class. Every college offers one. You will get to dance to music you said you like, plus you will learn some new ones. You also get to meet TONS of cute chicks. Those classes always have a shortage of guys, so the girls there put dick on a pedestal. Try it.
     
  22. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    At his age it's not about whether or not he can have fun if he drinks or not.

    If he goes to a party and does not drink then he is the odd one out. Getting drunk in college is a 'rite of passage.' It's about fitting into a brotherhood.

    tubachris if you want / need help with socialization then alcohol is the easiest and probably one of the best keys to use. I bet you haven't even really given it a real shot, as you say you never see you drinking more than a sip. After 2 or 3 beers they all taste like water anyways.
     
  23. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Get a little alcohol in you and you will be a dancing machine, no matter what style music. And who cares if you suck at it? I'm probably the worst dancer alive but when I used hit clubs you couldn't keep me off the dance floor. I even mentioned to a few chicks that I was a shitty dancer and that I didn't give a fuck and they thought it was cute that I was still out there and enjoying myself. I've never encountered a girl who became uninterested because I was a shitty dancer. If anything, it shows you are a fun person and have a good / confident personality.
     
  24. coldstone

    coldstone New Member

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    ^ True.
     
  25. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Was just thinking this just before I read your post

    To jmezz, I appreciate your suggestions, and I totally understand what you mean, its just I dont find drinking alchohol enjoyable, where others do. I know its unusual for someone in my position to NOT drink, but its just how I am, and Im not going to force myself for the sake of doing what everyone else wants me to.
     

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