SRS Is what im doing wrong ???

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Avenger97, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    so yea.. im sure a few of you remember my relationship problems from a few months ago , but for those who don't a quick recap . Met a girl i worked with about 2 years ago and we hit it off real well, we ended up gettin a place together about a year into it. Over this summer , starting after my Birthday she started wanting to go out with her friends more, and being out till all hours of the night, and getting more distant from me , also spending the money i made on shit she wanted to do alone ( she wasn't working at the time). End of September i catch her cheating ( though she swore nothing was goin on) , when on my way to work i drove by our place , (though i had moved back to my parents house to get my finances worked out) , and found another car in the driveway. so we broke up for the time being .

    *EDIT* Previous threads can be found here :
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3214966
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3382470
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3433716

    so fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, im over the apartment for some reason and she just loses it and starts crying like crazy , wont tell me whats wrong , i try to be a friend to her and tell her id support her no matter what, she tells me that i wouldnt and that id run away if she told me. so after asking her a few questions i asked her if she was pregnant, and she lost it even more and was hysterically crying . she calmed down a little bit later and told me what happened . she was seeing the guy that i caught at my house , she went to his place in New Hampshire and got trashed at a hotel bar, hooked up with him , and she thought she was pregnant.

    now yea it was a pretty fucked up thing to hear , she basically lied to me for almost 2 months about everything ( though i was pretty sure of what was happening) . but being the person that i am , I told her id be her friend through this , as it seemed her man in NH didnt want any part of it , and wouldnt return her calls , and just about all of her close friends abandoned her when she told them. I dont know why i said id be her friend and support her , but i just felt it was the right thing to do .

    so the next night im back at the apartment , and she went out with her friends a lil bit, she asked me to watch her son for a couple hours , and left some pretty heavy hints about what she wanted to do when she got home. and yea we ended up havin a few drinks at the house and we hooked up. thinking well if she was pregnant , it couldnt get any worse .

    we repeated this a few times over the next week or so , and last weekend she got her period , and she wasnt pregnant ( or had a early stage miscarrage) so that was a plus.

    so as far as i know her "friend" from NH isnt around , and isnt planning on seeing her again, Me and her are getting along fine now , and hookin up a couple times a week, i spent last weekend sleeping at the apartment( no hooking up though , the whole period thing) and its goin pretty good, we both talked it thru and are ok with whats goin on , its just sex , and we are definitly just friends , and i dont think we could ever really get back together..

    but still.. i cant help but wonder if this is really a bad thing or not. im pretty comfortable with it, for now , but know eventually those feelings will prob come back on both sides.

    Ideas//Comments//Suggestions?????.. kinda the 1st time i have done somthing like this for any length of time with any girl
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2007
  2. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    it could become something you don't want u are essentially playing with fire but overall i just don't really think its a good idea she lied to you she betrayed you you did the right thing by being there for her i think but it's time to move forward but if what you are doing is making u comfortable then go ahead
     
  3. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    You should not be seeing this girl. Move on dude.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Haha, she's using you for babysitting.

    Absolute guarantee that she is out looking for/hooking up with other guys while you are watching her kid.
     
  5. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    i gotta say , hey for the time being , its the means to an end.. im getting what i want, i dont really feel like putting the effort into a relationship , with her or anyone else right now.

    as long as im getting what i want out of the deal , and we are both clear that its just a casual thing. i dont see a major issue with it

    basically.. the only reason im doin it is that she is awsome in bed, i know she still has some feelings for me. and of course i still have some for her. No idea where this is gonna lead however, but i really dont see us ever getting back together , just too much trust broken , and too many bad things have happened, it would take a very long time for her to regain my trust to the point where id consider it .

    like it or not , i know she will be a part of my life for at least the next 5 years , having some bills still in my name , the car in my name and all that, so we can either have a bad relationship and argue and fight all the time , or a better relationship where we both enjoy each others company , and get a " release" on the side. might as well take advanatge of what is preseented to me.
     
  6. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    not really.. it was a 1 time thing for about 2 hrs when she was with one of her girls about the whole possible pregnancy thing.. not like im there every night watchin her kid .

    anyway hey after watchin the kid for a couple hrs , we hooked up and went at it for a couple hours.. not bad payment for my services LOL
     
  7. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    First off, Hi from Rhode Island :wavey:.


    Secondly, I think you need to reevaluate whats going on here. Sex is always good, obviously. It gets bad when the situation gets bad.. and well, I don't think it's progressing.

    How old are you? Are you sure this is strictly sex or can you honestly tell yourself you still have feelings for her? I'm in a situation similar minus a kid, but I know I'm still "hung up" on her too much to be a good friend.. Even though I'm her "best friend" currently.. It hurts. Alot.

    Wanna get up and go out for a drink? I need some new friends who I can shoot the shit with.. Let me know, I'm in Providence.
     
  8. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    hey fellow RI'er :wavey:, well yea its a lil difficult to handle sometimes.. but we are getting along fine at the moment.. talking about the future a lil bit ( possible vacation in the 1st quarter of 2008 to vegas , or a cruise ) and im pretty cool with that, i could use a vacation. and we are going to see Papa Roach play at Lupos next week as well.

    Yea i still have feelings for her, we had a very good relationship untill August of this year.. and yea i never thought she would do somthing like this, but hey. it is what it is.. cant change the past now. The past few months have completely sucked, i think i have hit every possible emotion , and yea i wasnt totally faithful either, after i caught her , with another man in my apartment. yea i did some stuff with a couple girls i know , but they are not GF material to me, just somone to hang out with *EDIT* BTW since you asked im 28 , she is also 28

    when this all came to light. yea she told me quite a few times how sorry she was , and that she never meant to hurt me, and all that. maybe its sincere maybe its not.. but either way things are progressing , at least we arent fighting and arguing all the time. and that just makes everything easier.

    I know in the long run , this will prob not last too long, and one of us will find someone else.. but im pretty cool with how things are , and long as we both respect each other and get along fine.. i guess it will work out in the end

    yea man , im always lookin for some new people to hang out with .. hit me up on AIM at Venge97RI , always good to get into a different social circle.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2007
  9. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Well, I'll tell you this bruh.. My ex-fiancee` cheated on me once, that's all I needed. I was with this girl for 3 years.. she was who I though, the one and only. She lived in Fall River, Mass and I relocated to her to you know, move on with life. After I walked in on her riding another guy on my bed, that was it. Fast forward, I just found out she cheated on her last boyfriend since we've broken up.

    Once a cheater, always a cheater in my eyes. You can love someone unconditionally and still cheat, absolutely. I think temptation, lust, intellect and manipulation can play a huge toll on things.. But once you cheat, you cheat. There is no coming back from that.

    I am someone who says follow your heart, though. If you really think that it's strictly sex then do you bruh, keep poundin'.. But if you're already planning a cruise together, making arrangements, and just going about life "together", I'd just say be careful.

    It's never comfortable to live while watching over your shoulder and retracking your SO's footsteps.



    --

    I'm at work here in Warwick, at the Crowne Plaza.. No AIM til' I get home. I'll hit you up when I do though.
     
  10. FLY-FAST

    FLY-FAST OT Supporter

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    What you are doing wrong?? Come on man, you know what you're doing wrong - taking no action only instills upon her the idea that you're just fodder.

    You need to break-up with her. If you are meant to be then perhaps your roads will cross again, if not, you'll still come out on top(on a 19yo blonde perhaps)-pun intended
     
  11. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    hey man , i totally agree with ya.. your right once a cheater , it will happen again , no matter how much they tell you it wont , and it was a mistake, and whatever lil fantasy they want to spin , bottom line is they chose what they were doing , and did it and felt no remorse from it .

    not saying im gonna get back with her as a boyfriend in any sense of it.. i think we can still be Friends , and keep the benefits on the side. I wouldnt have a real problem with going on vacation with her for a week or so, spending time together , hooking up , whatever....

    I dont think she will ever change her ways. just seeing what she has become in the past few months, she is not the woman that i want to spend the rest of my life with anymore, when im ready to settle down. But for the time being its fun

    though i definitly know what ur sayin about watchin your back , and Retracing your SO's footsteps.. yea i did that.. she wasnt good at hiding where she was and who she was with , thats how i found out about this in the 1st place..

    Guess i just kinda have to ride this one out , if i want to keep gettin what i want, roll with it, and if it becomes too intense , or too much to handle , then bail out
     
  12. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    good luck :wavey: she sounds nice minus the cheating keep me posted
     
  13. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Do you bro. On a side note, let me know if you want to get a drink or smoke a dube, haha.
     
  14. Durka Durka

    Durka Durka Guest

    kill her before things get worse
     
  15. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Seriously, why do you even bother coming here to get other's opinions? The advice in this thread is going to be NO different than the advice given in your other threads. You already have your mind made up, and you don't listen to what people here have to say.

    If you can't realize that you're in a shitty situation and you keep running back to it, then there comes a point where you DESERVE all the shit you get from a situation such as this.

    Smarten up.
     
  16. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    interesting reply.. but basically its not the same situation as i was previously in , before i was totally serious about this girl.. now its just lets hang out and hook up.. so yea.. its pretty different.. and haveing not done somthing like this before.. thought it would be good to get some perspective on it..

    but thanks for the reply...
     

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