SRS Is this some kind of phsycological disorder? v. girl problems

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Slowmo, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. Slowmo

    Slowmo New Member

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    This girl that I really liked just basically told me she's a whore. She seemed so nice and innocent before, but she's been telling me in the past few weeks that it's all an act.

    She said she hates her life and all that crap. Then she told me tonight that she'd been having sex a ton lately and that she's basically a whore but doesn't want people to know.

    I really liked her before, but now i feel like my whole world is crumbling down around me :wtc:

    What is wrong with her?
     
  2. Kamisama

    Kamisama Guest

    If she told you it's all been an act, she may be hiding something she doesn't want others to know about, like depression.

    Plus she said she hates her life, and is giving sex up left and right, really sounds like depression.

    After knowing that she has been going around like she has you will probably have a permanent different impression of her, but if you still care for her, try and get her some help, fast.
     
  3. Slowmo

    Slowmo New Member

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    Before she told me about all the sex, I tried to help her out. She said I made her feel better...but I really don't know how to solve this.

    She will NOT go to counseling. She refuses it and doesnt think it will help.
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    How do you expect to be able to have a relationship with a woman if you go around using words like, "whore" to describe those closest to you?
     
  5. Slowmo

    Slowmo New Member

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    Because those were her words.
     
  6. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    yeah having sex a lot can be a sign of depression, trying to feel physical stimulation than mental/emotional stimulation.

    It can be sorta like a drug for here, where cocaine would work for the addict...
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    How old is she?
     
  8. Slowmo

    Slowmo New Member

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    19, if it really matters.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Is her family very conservative? She shouldn't have to feel like a whore
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sure, it matters. If you'd told me she was 16(ish) I'd have dismissed it as teenage emotionalism. Not that she wouldn't have done her share of whoring, that could be quite true.

    Same if you told me she was say...33. Completely different circumstance. Sexual norms are always age-related, cause expectations change drastically depending on your age.

    However, at 19, we have a girl who confides in you that she's done a lot of "whoring", is continuing to do a lot of the same, and refuses to go to counselling. Basically, I don't believe she sees it as a real problem.

    Well, not a real problem, like suicide, cutting, bulimia that sort of thing. The likely thing is that she likes attention, and likes a bit of drama and even mystery and has no problem with "secrets". This is her little (open) "secret".

    I'm sure she's very convincing when describing her "issues" but a lot of girls will go on at great length about some deep dark issue, only to find them a week later, have got onto something completely different. And last week's dark issue is gone and forgotten, to be replaced by this week's flavour.

    So......

    Not to make light of your pain (which I have no doubt is real), but when you say your whole world is crumbling down...are you concerned for HER well-being?

    Or is it that your fantasy which was built around the "nice & sweet" version of her has just been dashed to pieces?
    I think it's the latter, and you got a massive reality check. It's ok. It happens to everyone sooner or later.

    Don't let it get you down. Better you found out relatively early.
     
  11. Nurse

    Nurse Would you like the large or the small volume enema

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    Honestly?

    These are her problems, her responsibility to solve. You can't solve them for her.

    Seriously consider what you stand to gain and give from/to this relationship.
     
  12. She probably was sexually abused, and there is likely a number of complex problems surrounding that which I would not recommend you attempt to "help" "solve" or "fix". If I were you I'd detach yourself as quickly as possible. You must protect yourself from getting involved with people who might consume you with the baggage and burdens they carry. If you don't do this, you'll certainly look back and remember my words. If you can detach [not make her problems your own] - while still being accessible - then you'll be able to be in her life to some degree, but people who have the type of problem she has are usually incapable of handling any concept of a relationship in a healthy way until they enter recovery [therapy, support groups, and receive medical/mental health care].

    You really must be cautious. Those who are sick in the way which she is often can make others sick too, and you're no exception.

    You'll have to decide whether you're willing to protect yourself, or not protect yourself and take a risk. There really is no middle ground here. It's a gamble, and you now know the stakes.
     
  13. You can't solve it. And the fact that she says you made her feel better is not an indication that you in-fact made anything better in terms of the root cause of her problems.

    What you've probably done is akin to giving someone an aspirin for a broken back, when in-fact it's a problem that requires surgery. She requires treatment that you can't provide, and most likely it's a treatment that she'll refuse to take because of the very nature of her dysfunction.

    The very fact that she's so incredibly resistant to treatment is a sign that you need to seriously consider removing yourself from this relationship. It's a very serious sign of dysfunction in context to the other symptoms and behavior you've mentioned.
     
  14. Slowmo

    Slowmo New Member

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    I stand to help her. I truely believe she is a good person on the inside. I know I can't really solve it, but I can help her get through it.

    And to Johan, this isn't a flavor of the week thing. It's been the same shit for 3 years.
     
  15. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    This is safe sex she has, right?
     
  16. The best help you can provide someone who is going through something like she's going through is to do 3 things: 1: learn the art of detachment, 2: listen rather than speaking while with her, 3: And do not provide advice to her; do not suggest what you think she should do.

    If you find yourself unable to do any of the above 3 mentioned items or if you find yourself having trouble with these then you're already caught in the web and in that case no one can help you either.

    Last note: You can't help her get through it either, because she does not want to get through it. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to her actions, and you'll see they're brimming with obstinance.
     

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