SRS Is this normal?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Anticipate, Jul 19, 2009.

  1. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    Is it normal to think about an old person you were infatuated with a few years ago, on a daily basis, usually for about two or three hours a day? (You only knew the person for about two weeks).

    (I know that this is probably not normal, but I guess my question really is how to handle this, should I just start doing something else to preoccupy myself every time the thoughts start creeping into my mind?)
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    No, I wouldn't consider this healthy, productive behaviour.

    And neither do you, hence the question.
     
  3. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Who are they and why are you thinking of them? Can you see them again?
     
  4. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    It was a coworker I once worked with while at a temp job a few years ago. I basically had a really bad girlcrush on her (she was married by the way, which made it even more awkward). I thought she was really pretty, smart, had a sweet personality, (she also had an incredible voice), etc.
    She had shown me around the company, introduced me to the other staff, and took me with her to get coffee/lunch a couple of times. There was one time that we ate lunch together, and I was seriously in heaven for the entire time (everything that I said, she responded to in this ideal sort of way, the way that nobody else responded to me). Oh yeah, she also understood me in ways that other people, even close friends and family could not. (Ex, she knew what kinds of things made me nervous or shy).
    Sadly, my assignment ended after only two weeks. I was really desperate to become friends with her outside of the company, but I tried emailing her to ask her to get together, and she said she couldn't. I was seriously obsessing about her still, and attempted to contact her at her home phone number, when she picked up the phone she sounded really sweet and asked how I was doing, but when I asked her if it was okay if I called her, she basically said no.
    Basically the whole situation made me just feel sick, but I still liked her despite this. (There was sort of a foreshadowing of this while we were still working together, once in a while if she was really intense in her work, she could be kind of cold, out of nowhere. But then I would see her the next day and she would be all sweet again and my infatuation with her would continue).
     
  5. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    Also, I forgot to mention that while we were working together, she always insisted that we were friends, even if I questioned it. This was despite the fact that we had just met.
    Was she flat out lying for the sake of her job, or did she think that it's okay to be "friends" with someone while working together and then never speak to them again?
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    How did you get her home phone number? If she didn't give it to you, that is seriously creepy as fuck.
     
  7. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    Umm...hm...I guess it wasn't clear from my post, but I am actually female (hence the term "girl crush," I guess people on this forum aren't familiar with that lingo). By the way, we worked together for two weeks, not two days.

    It was listed in the white pages. I suppose I probably did weird her out, but a. I am not male, and b. I wasn't sure if this was a socially acceptable thing to do, so I checked with my therapist at the time, who said he thought it was a great idea.
     
  8. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    No, that wasn't a great idea, and boarders on being a stalker.
     
  9. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    Obviously, judging by her reaction, it wasn't a good idea in retrospect. But there was no way that I could have known in advance that she wouldn't want me contacting her. I honestly thought she would have been open to speaking on the phone with me, I thought she would be more sympathetic to me since I was let go from the job. I was very surprised by her reaction.
     
  10. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    so are you a lesbian or you are just attracted to this one woman?
     
  11. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    I am completely straight. She's the only female I have ever been this infatuated with.
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2009
  12. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    Any advice/ideas on how to get over what happened, since I still think about it after all this time?
     
  13. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    Did you grow up without a mother ? Or some other mother issues ?
     
  14. GG9909

    GG9909 New Member

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    I am sure this woman isn't going to be the first you will enjoy being around. We all react to somebody with qualities that been missing within ourselves or our life. Just enjoy the moment and remember there will be others. Just don't go chasing after them unless you have explicit permission.
     
  15. Anticipate

    Anticipate New Member

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    I grew up with a mother, but I definitely did have issues with her. She wasn't always available.

    It's been four years, and I still have not met anyone who had her qualities. For example, she was always looking at me sweetly and saying things like "it's okay" if she thought I was upset/embarrassed about something. (I know it sounds like a simple thing, but really it's the perfect thing to say and most people don't say it).
    Also, I think that the hard art about letting go from my experience with her was that she had initially been the one to initiate contact with me (she asked me to go and get coffee/lunch with her my first two days of working there, and also made a big deal about acting like we were going to be friends).
    (In fact, during my phone call with her, I flat out asked her what the deal was with her backing out of being friends with me, and she said very defensively that she "wasn't being two-faced." I was a little bit ticked off by that statement, and then she asked me if everything was okay, I wasn't sure at that point if she was trying to hang up, or allowing me a few moments to converse with her about any problems I had).
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2009

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