LGBT Is this even possible?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by busydoingnothing, May 8, 2007.

  1. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I've questioned my sexuality in one way or another since I was a teen. I'm 24 now. I guess I've just been insecure about my masculinity as I've never really been into the typical guy stuff. I've always been shy and awkward around women and I still am. There are a lot of other little factors here and there but I guess that's enough to give a little background.

    I guess the question is...is it even possible to be gay if I'm still turned on by straight porn/still mainly view straight porn/would rather have a girlfriend? I do masturbate occassionally to gay porn and have off and on since I was a teen, but it's never something I'm *really* excited about or *really* get into...I don't know if it's a matter of me really not being into it as much or me just not allowing myself to be. I've mostly accepted that gay porn turns me on at times and I don't really have a problem expressing that. I just wonder if I can be gay but still fantasize mostly about women. I guess what I'm afraid of most is the guys in their 40s and 50s who come out after getting married. It boggles my mind...how can that be so?

    Cliffs: I'm a confused, insecure fuck and I'm wondering how I can be gay if I dig straight porn.
     
  2. RyRy

    RyRy Active Member

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    Maybe you are Bisexual with Heterosexual tendancies :dunno:
     
  3. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    So many possibilities, you might be in denial, you might be bisexual or just be a heterosexual guy that enjoys all kinds of sex. I get aroused be heterosexual porn too, the only question you have to answer to yourself is, what does make you get rock hard when you masturbate? Straight porn? Gay porn?

    Like Gamgee said, that is the only moment where you are not fooling yourself.
     
  4. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    right.

    Masturbation is the only time you cannot lie to yourself about what excites you mentally and physically...

    Regarding the porn thing: Porn is meant to excite you. It's the only purpose of porn... to get you off. I have watched all kinds of porn... stuff that I would never want to do in real life... but I got off from watching it.

    The point is this:

    Being gay has nothing very little to do with what kind of porn you watch and has everything to do with who you are attracted to physically. If you are physically attracted to women more than men (checking women out on the street, thinking about making love to a woman, kissing a woman, etc), then I tend to think you're more straight. If you find that you are checking men out on the street more than women and thinking about what it'd be like to be in a relationship with a man, and finding yourself fantasizing about men more than women, then I tend to think that you're more gay.

    Do you live with your parents or are you out on your own (or with roommates)?

    Do you have the freedom to go on a date with a guy and see if it's right for you?

    There's nothing wrong with trying it out if you are really thinking that you might be gay. And you don't have to sleep with the guy on the date... just go as far as you feel comfortable.

    I've said it before: Gay sex does not make a man gay... I could have sex tomorrow with a woman... that doesn't make me straight.

    Being gay is about who you find attractive and who you find yourself drawn to and who you really WANT to have sex with.
     
  5. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    I'm sure you'll blossom into a great boyfriend. The more you are around women, the more confidant you will be. I wonder if your shyness and awkwardness around women also might be because of some of your confusions regarding why you are attracted to women but also like gay porn.

    Otherwise, you have our support here!
     
  6. Fate13

    Fate13 New Member

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    I whole heartedly agree with the previous posts. I would say that you might be thinking about it to much or overanalyzing yourself. However, if you are seriously considering the possibility of being attracted to men, you should try a date with one, but remember that sometimes dates go bad because the chemistry just isn’t there for both heterosexuals and homosesuals. So don’t base your whole decision on that one experience.
     
  7. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    oh man that is so :bowdown: and :confused: at the same time :eek3: :bigthumb:

    ( :confused: for me, my own journey)
     
  8. novo

    novo Pokey Man OT Supporter

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    you could just be bi.

    took me years to stop struggling between men and women until i just realized i like both :dunno:
     
  9. OakleyTodd

    OakleyTodd New Member

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    Exactly what he said. Despite what some say, there is such thing as being truely Bi. Problem is finding a mate of the opposite sex that will be cool with you being bi!
     
  10. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    :werd to the mother-fucking nth degree. :bowdown:
     
  11. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I guess I have, more or less, been focusing on the idea that I'm probably bi. I'm just really trying to reconcile it all. Obviously I experience arousal to gay porn at times, but other times it's just like, "Ugh, I don't want to be watching this/Why am I watching this?" whereas I never have that problem with straight porn. I've analyzed nearly every aspect of my life and sexuality and I spot things that make me think "That could mean I'm gay," but if they're not true, then I guess there's less support for the gay theory.

    A big question is, let's say I do venture off and go on a date with a guy, or even further, fool around with a guy, and let's say I'm not enjoying it, or I dislike it, or I'm uncomfortable. Let's say I try it several times. How can I even tell the difference between not liking it because I'm not gay, and not liking it due to some other reason, like this "internalized homophobia" jazz? How do I know that's not me?

    I'm not saying I'm setting myself up to dislike the situation. I really want to be as open as possible so that I can figure this shit out for myself, and I know if I try to predetermine my reaction, I will only be confused even more.

    Thanks, by the way, for all your input.
     
  12. compu_85

    compu_85 Woooo! 60HP!

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    Look at it this way... if you aren't happy, you don't like it. I guess it just takes a lot of self reflection. Don't let yourself get stressed about it (if that's possible).

    -Jason
     
  13. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Do you think you might have internalized homophobia? Do you want to harm yourself because you might be gay or do you want to harm others because they are gay?

    If you're fooling around with a guy, I'm going to guess that you find him at least attractive enough to get a hardon for him. So, that would assume that you at least enjoyed the date (assuming a date happened before the sex). If you're uncomfortable or aren't enjoying it, you tell the other guy "I'm uncomfortalbe with this. I need to go" or if he's at your place, you say "I'm uncomfortable with this. We need to stop." or "You need to go"

    There's nothing wrong with pulling the ejector seat and getting the hell out of there. I've done it before when it gets uncomfortable (like the guy who pulled out a bottle of poppers and expected me to take them without even asking me if I was cool with poppers. That ended that night of potentially good sex... I put my clothes on and left).

    I've also walked out when I realize that I've put myself in a compromising position (I'm reminded of the ultra-religious guy who wouldn't let me touch him while we jerked off together... I was uncomfortable with the situation, so I put my clothes on and left mid-stroke...)

    Similarly, regarding dating, just meet for a drink. That way, if you're uncomfortable, you can just have the one drink and leave. It's only an hour out of your life and you've got some great data from the experiment. And if you're having fun, you can have another drink, or get some food and just chill out and talk and have fun... There's nothing wrong with trying it out if you're really questioning yourself.


    But, always be aware of your comfort zone and you should be fine!
     
  14. Josey

    Josey New Member

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    I'm Definatly Bi w/straight tendencies....I love a good cawk on the occasion and love the male physic, but I can't deny my love for a good pussy and womens hips... yumm
     
  15. novo

    novo Pokey Man OT Supporter

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    mf'ing :werd:
     
  16. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I don't know, I suppose it's possible. I don't want to harm others because they are gay, not at all. I really don't think I have a problem with gay people. As far as harming myself, yeah, I've thought about it. I've thought about suicide. It's not always linked to the thought of being gay, it's about depression and just wanting to get the fuck out because I'm bored, tired, sick of it all, etc. I don't know if that's internalized homophobia or not.
     
  17. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    nope... that's just depression.

    Have you thought about talking to a counselor/therapist about these issues (your sexuality and your depression)? I'm a big proponent of therapy.
     
  18. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Let me preempt my statement by stating the following: I have not fully read this thread, only the initial question and then up to Sam's first response.

    That said, being gay is about who you are emotionally attracted to. It's about who you can see yourself in a meaningful relationship with. Unfortunately, it's not about who you fuck/can get off with. Meaning that although masturbatory focuses are usually a good indication as to sexuality, it isn't that simple.
     
  19. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Find someone to talk to, or just hang out here more often (we tend to be supportive). Internalized homophobia is a hard nut to crack because typically people don't see that within themselves. The knee-jerk reaction is typically self-loathing in milder cases or in the extreme aggressively projecting that hate onto anyone remotely fitting that 'gay' criteria around you.

    However you did mention that you occasionally question your masturbatory tastes, so one could make the argument that you have a very mild case.

    Someone would have to talk with you a bit longer to really gauge it. Or like I said, stick around here....
     
  20. busydoingnothing

    busydoingnothing A broken man too tough to cry

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    I've been in therapy since October 2005 for OCD/anxiety. The target of my OCD is my sexuality, and it's a pretty common OCD theme apparently. I chose the therapist because what he has on his website about anxiety and how he treats patients, as well as states that he deals with GLBT issues, so I figured, "I guess either way, he should be able to help me." I think he's also gay himself. He maintains that he doesn't know where I land on the scale and it's not for him to say, but he believes I'm definitely not a 0, which I'd have to agree (I think I'm probably more of a 2).

    It doesn't seem like he's really been helping much lately. Last week we started talking about me thinking that I'm more effeminate and that I think I might be better off as a woman, but really, I think that's just an avoidance/escape plan. It's likely just a manifestation of me comparing myself to other men and thinking, "Wow, I'm much more effeminate," despite the fact that other people tell me otherwise.

    I don't know, I've never really had close gay friends, but I've been to gay bars before (by myself as well), and I just think gay people are fun/entertaining. There are things about gay people I'm jealous about, how they just seem to be so open and bright and happy and don't care about what other people think about them...but I guess there are straight people like that too. I just get self-conscious when I'm more upbeat, cause I think I'm being too "flamboyant" or whatever, even though again, other people think I'm ridiculous.

    God, this is still just scratching the surface. Thank you guys for listening and providing feedback. I really appreciate it.
     
  21. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

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    I've been following this thread for a few days now. It's been very interesting. I've pretty much been in therapy for my entire childhood. When I came out of the closet, I sought out a gay therapist to help me with some issues that I was having. It turned out to be fairly helpful, but I learned the most from letting time pass and letting things work themselves out.

    Thanks for sharing with us!
     
  22. Digital_

    Digital_ New Member

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    1. Post pic.
    2. You like straight porn, but do you like it more if the guy has a huge cock?
    3. Profit? Dunno but you're probably teh gay. Or maybe bi, I'll let you know when I see the pic.
     
  23. camarosrool

    camarosrool yes i am

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    :( serious thread
     
  24. OakleyTodd

    OakleyTodd New Member

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    Happens from time to time when people are aiming for the OT forum, and accidentally click into one of the sub-forums.
     

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