SRS is this emotional abuse? mom complains about dying all the time

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BCIT, Dec 11, 2008.

  1. BCIT

    BCIT Guest

    and guilts the family about her condition, which i might add is not terminal, but simply a form of asthma.
     
  2. AmandaHuginkiss

    AmandaHuginkiss New Member

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    Kind of.

    It's fucked up to say the least. Can't stand parents like that.
     
  3. BCIT

    BCIT Guest

    she's been doing it for years. i finally called her on it tonight.

    it's like she's formed an entire identity around being 'sick'
     
  4. AmandaHuginkiss

    AmandaHuginkiss New Member

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    Certain personality types are prone to it, others are transformed by their illness. They get used to the sympathy they receive during the illness and quite literally become addicted to it.

    The guilt trips start happening when they notice the sympathy is waning.
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I think it depends on when it is brought up and in what context. I don't know if guilt tripping your family would be classified as emotional abuse in my view, but it doesn't take much to cross the line.

    It definitely doesn't sound like she is stable and that she is an attention seeker
     
  6. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Dude. If she really has a serious problem then she's probably terrified by it every moment of every day. If that's what's going on she's going to be incredibly needy. Probably needs more love & support than any one can give to fill in that huge hole the paranoia eats away.

    Find her a support group or something where she can talk about that shit & let it out. Can help her keep from overburdening the fam.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I'm sure that causes you and the family a great deal of difficulty, and I'm sorry that you're suffering. However, since I do not know your mother, it is important that I always give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to cases like this, because there is much we don't know about medicine, and people can be extremely sick, even while appearing to be extremely healthy with crippling illnesses -- especially systemic illnesses that can cause those types of psychiatric problems.

    It's important to consider this possibility. Tests can also be normal, when in-fact the person is really sick. Further evaluation by doctors should be ongoing in my opinion until her quality of life improves, not just because a doctor says "Oh it's this...." and then she continues to feel the way she does.

    This type of behavio far more prevalent than people think and usually the result of an underlying medical condition which hasn't been diagnosed at all, or hasn't been diagnosed properly.

    One final note, I do think it can do damage to younger people, and children to see a parent suffering, or behaving the way your mother appears to be, but the context of whether she's willing it, or unwilling it because of a biological or psychiatric/systemic illness can create a lose/lose situation, where there is no choice.

    I grew up in a home where I was abused by my mother in the form of neglect. My mother had an eating disorder, and suffered crippling depression, and agoraphobia. Kids used to make fun of me because they'd heard about it somehow. At any rate, my mother was so apathetic, that even while my father was sexual, and physically abusing my siblings, she did nothing but lay in bed with at least 20-40 plates, cups and boxes of dried moldy food under her bed. She never made sense and always used to force me to do things that she knew were painful for me.

    I hated her for this, for decades. It wasn't until recently we discovered after a number of big tests from her doctor, that she suffered brain damage. She'd had it her entire life, and the doctor was absolutely certain that this was the result of child-birth medications gone wrong. Back in 1943, the drugs they used could cause problems like this.

    So, in the end, who is to blame? Lose/Lose -- she didn't will it, and she didn't want it this way but it sure the fuck looked that way to everyone else. We all thought she meant what she said, and "could" control herself. Sadly, so did she.

    With proper treatment and medications she is entirely functional now. She'll never be entirely normal but her eating disorder is under control after having bypass surgery and using medication to suppress the eating obession, as well as medication that restores "some" brain function, alleviating the crippling depression and agoraphobia. She is an active healthy looking adult today, and she's lost 160lbs to date. She is no longer scattered and emotionally reactive. She has a lot of difficulty learning new things, but she works at it, and her memory is still not optimal but she can function nearly normal in that area with ongoing treatments.

    It requires a very competent team of doctors to sometimes discover underlying illnesses, so beware before you condemn. I don't know her story or yours, but I know a lot of others and I know mine.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2008
  8. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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    .

    It's more common then you might think too
     

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