Is this cheating?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by reallyneedmoney, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. reallyneedmoney

    reallyneedmoney New Member

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    I have been going out with my girlfriend for a little over 4 months now and she would constantly tell me how cheating is such a bad thing etc. That I already know.
    For someone who seems to hold such high moral grounds I was surprised that she would still initiate convo constantly with this guy that really likes her and who she once dated back when she lived in Toronto for a year in 2005. In addition, to this she would have an application on her facebook with this guy where they will create a baby together. She doesn't know I know all of this coz I just so happened to be using her laptop and found all this including her msn convo's with the guy. I attached a sample portion of one of her convo below. Oh yeah she also told me she will be going to Toronto this summer to visit her friends. Sorry for the long read!
    29/01/2008 8:17:21 PM girlfriend KEVIN boooo
    29/01/2008 8:17:29 PM girlfriend KEVIN bring me food!
    29/01/2008 8:17:34 PM girlfriend KEVIN please?
    29/01/2008 8:17:35 PM girlfriend KEVIN lol
    29/01/2008 8:18:32 PM KEVIN girlfriend I'll make it, you just gotta come get it
    29/01/2008 8:18:43 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahaha
    29/01/2008 8:18:58 PM girlfriend KEVIN im lazy to get out of the house
    29/01/2008 8:19:04 PM girlfriend KEVIN too much snow
    29/01/2008 8:19:17 PM KEVIN girlfriend snow?
    29/01/2008 8:19:22 PM KEVIN girlfriend over there?
    29/01/2008 8:19:29 PM girlfriend KEVIN yessss
    29/01/2008 8:19:36 PM girlfriend KEVIN 10cm
    29/01/2008 8:20:00 PM KEVIN girlfriend oh wow.. I thought it was just snowing over there
    29/01/2008 8:20:46 PM girlfriend KEVIN yea it was pretty bad
    29/01/2008 8:22:41 PM KEVIN girlfriend well dont worry, the weather over here is messed up.. hot one day ... subfreezing weather the next..
    29/01/2008 8:23:00 PM girlfriend KEVIN well thats why i moved back haha
    29/01/2008 8:23:37 PM KEVIN girlfriend haha..
    29/01/2008 8:23:57 PM KEVIN girlfriend 10 cm of snow doesnt sound too tempting tho
    29/01/2008 8:24:04 PM girlfriend KEVIN haha
    29/01/2008 8:24:09 PM girlfriend KEVIN i hate snow!!!!!
    29/01/2008 8:24:31 PM KEVIN girlfriend hate is a bad word..lol
    29/01/2008 8:24:46 PM girlfriend KEVIN i HIGHLY DISLIKE w/ MY LIFE
    29/01/2008 8:24:47 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahaha
    29/01/2008 8:24:58 PM KEVIN girlfriend with your life?
    29/01/2008 8:25:05 PM girlfriend KEVIN yepp
    29/01/2008 8:25:06 PM KEVIN girlfriend you jumped from snow to life..
    29/01/2008 8:25:10 PM KEVIN girlfriend what else you hiding?
    29/01/2008 8:25:11 PM KEVIN girlfriend let it out
    29/01/2008 8:25:11 PM girlfriend KEVIN hhaha
    29/01/2008 8:25:14 PM KEVIN girlfriend I'm listening
    29/01/2008 8:25:15 PM girlfriend KEVIN dorkkk
    29/01/2008 8:25:44 PM KEVIN girlfriend how can you dislike your life? you have everything you need
    29/01/2008 8:25:52 PM girlfriend KEVIN not really
    29/01/2008 8:26:00 PM KEVIN girlfriend whats missing?
    29/01/2008 8:26:06 PM girlfriend KEVIN school
    29/01/2008 8:26:10 PM girlfriend KEVIN a good job
    29/01/2008 8:26:32 PM girlfriend KEVIN love hahah
    29/01/2008 8:26:41 PM KEVIN girlfriend you have the last one
    29/01/2008 8:26:42 PM KEVIN girlfriend dork
    29/01/2008 8:26:50 PM KEVIN girlfriend the other two you need to work at
    29/01/2008 8:26:50 PM girlfriend KEVIN not yet
    29/01/2008 8:26:54 PM KEVIN girlfriend /grr ?
    29/01/2008 8:27:02 PM KEVIN girlfriend what kinda relationship you in?
    29/01/2008 8:27:03 PM KEVIN girlfriend lol
    29/01/2008 8:27:19 PM girlfriend KEVIN welll maybe i do but not like enough to say it yu knoe?
    29/01/2008 8:27:22 PM girlfriend KEVIN i dont knoe.. its weird
    29/01/2008 8:28:26 PM KEVIN girlfriend aww.. stop thinking too much.. and realize the things that are in your life
    29/01/2008 8:29:25 PM girlfriend KEVIN im not even thinking about it
    29/01/2008 8:30:37 PM KEVIN girlfriend well at least you have the option to think about it.. I dont have anyone to think of =P
    29/01/2008 8:30:48 PM girlfriend KEVIN awww
    29/01/2008 8:30:53 PM girlfriend KEVIN its okei she will come
    29/01/2008 8:31:01 PM girlfriend KEVIN its yer fault haha
    29/01/2008 8:32:05 PM KEVIN girlfriend my fault?
    29/01/2008 8:32:10 PM KEVIN girlfriend bum
    29/01/2008 8:32:12 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahaha
    29/01/2008 8:32:19 PM KEVIN girlfriend where is the support?
    29/01/2008 8:32:21 PM girlfriend KEVIN yu shouldve jus moved here when i said so! lol.
    29/01/2008 8:32:25 PM girlfriend KEVIN jus kiddinnnggg
    29/01/2008 8:33:20 PM KEVIN girlfriend you never said that
    29/01/2008 8:34:30 PM girlfriend KEVIN what i always told yu to before
    29/01/2008 8:35:50 PM KEVIN girlfriend well too late now
    29/01/2008 8:35:51 PM KEVIN girlfriend lol
    29/01/2008 8:36:06 PM KEVIN girlfriend plus it sounds like there is more snow over there than over here
    29/01/2008 8:36:07 PM girlfriend KEVIN haha
    29/01/2008 8:36:30 PM girlfriend KEVIN well what we had was nice.. too bad it ddnt turn out the way we wanted @ the time =)
    29/01/2008 8:37:15 PM KEVIN girlfriend yah think positive, live n learn.. =)
    29/01/2008 8:37:29 PM KEVIN girlfriend sounds like a fortune cookie
    29/01/2008 8:38:03 PM girlfriend KEVIN yea did yu steal it from one?
    29/01/2008 8:38:15 PM KEVIN girlfriend nope, thought of it all by myself..yay !
    29/01/2008 8:39:10 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahaha
    29/01/2008 8:39:13 PM girlfriend KEVIN *high five*
    29/01/2008 8:40:25 PM KEVIN girlfriend just pick a picture already.,,, lol
    29/01/2008 8:41:07 PM girlfriend KEVIN HAHA
    29/01/2008 8:41:34 PM KEVIN girlfriend oh guess what.. at work I had a lot of overtime hours that I had saved.. and so my supervisor told me to get it paid out.. and I was like yay money.. maybe I can visit BC.. but instead I just blew it on random stuff ..lol
    29/01/2008 8:41:48 PM girlfriend KEVIN WHAAAT
    29/01/2008 8:41:52 PM girlfriend KEVIN yu shoulkd jus visit hereee
    29/01/2008 8:41:55 PM girlfriend KEVIN geeeeeeeeeez!
    29/01/2008 8:42:31 PM KEVIN girlfriend no way, I dont wanna intrude in your new life
    29/01/2008 8:42:48 PM girlfriend KEVIN what?
    29/01/2008 8:42:57 PM girlfriend KEVIN geez cmon ive known yu for a while now!
    29/01/2008 8:44:25 PM KEVIN girlfriend haha.. well dont worry, I usually dont take any days off from work, so I am sure Iwill have more overtime hours to be paid out..(knock on wood)
    29/01/2008 8:44:48 PM girlfriend KEVIN yea better
    29/01/2008 8:45:00 PM KEVIN girlfriend so that gives you time to find me a girl =P
    29/01/2008 8:45:25 PM girlfriend KEVIN haha yu can find one here
    29/01/2008 8:45:33 PM KEVIN girlfriend no I cant
    29/01/2008 8:45:43 PM KEVIN girlfriend tooo shy
    29/01/2008 8:45:46 PM KEVIN girlfriend =P
    29/01/2008 8:45:46 PM girlfriend KEVIN oh geeez
    29/01/2008 8:46:26 PM girlfriend KEVIN but yea yu should check out bc
    29/01/2008 8:47:39 PM KEVIN girlfriend I will definitely think of it.. when I get my vacation time =P
    29/01/2008 8:47:44 PM girlfriend KEVIN okei geeez
    29/01/2008 8:47:47 PM girlfriend KEVIN why spend on random stuff?
    29/01/2008 8:48:02 PM girlfriend KEVIN but yu shouldve also gotten me something nice from that extra cash HAHA
    29/01/2008 8:48:43 PM KEVIN girlfriend /grr like you dont do enough shopping already
    29/01/2008 8:48:50 PM girlfriend KEVIN no i dont
    29/01/2008 8:48:55 PM girlfriend KEVIN i can afford it anymore since i barely work.
    29/01/2008 8:49:14 PM KEVIN girlfriend get back to work then
    29/01/2008 8:49:19 PM KEVIN girlfriend dont be a turtle
    29/01/2008 8:49:31 PM girlfriend KEVIN i cant my back hurts after a while.
    29/01/2008 8:49:38 PM KEVIN girlfriend from sitting?
    29/01/2008 8:50:24 PM girlfriend KEVIN yepp
    29/01/2008 8:50:31 PM girlfriend KEVIN like i cant stay in the same position
    29/01/2008 8:50:51 PM KEVIN girlfriend then move the chair away and lay on the floor to answer calls
    29/01/2008 8:51:30 PM girlfriend KEVIN oh geeez
    29/01/2008 8:52:12 PM KEVIN girlfriend man, just logged into facebook.. how many times is your bf playing that game? oh man
    29/01/2008 8:52:28 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahahaa LOTSSS
    29/01/2008 8:52:48 PM girlfriend KEVIN i havent even signed in because when hes on it it kicks me out.
    29/01/2008 8:53:29 PM KEVIN girlfriend dont tell me he types for you too?
    29/01/2008 8:53:36 PM girlfriend KEVIN types what?
    29/01/2008 8:53:43 PM KEVIN girlfriend like replies comments
    29/01/2008 8:53:51 PM girlfriend KEVIN no..
    29/01/2008 8:54:25 PM KEVIN girlfriend haha kewl, you havent lost complete control
    29/01/2008 8:54:53 PM girlfriend KEVIN hahah
     
  2. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    everything seems fine to me. you're overreacting. she's not trying to cheat. she's trying to BREATHE. stop messing with her facebook and stop reading her im logs. if you dont give her some freedom she WILL cheat on you, but it will be well deserved.
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    I disagree. While you probably shouldn't have been snooping. It seems like she's doing an awful lot of flirting, fishing for certain responses, and not talking about your relationship in the best light. Plus, sounds like the poor guy is trying to keep her on track and be respectful, but she keeps redirecting to him and her, him visiting her, and what she and he had.

    I'm suspicious. Not of physical cheating at this point, but of the emotional attachment she is trying to get with him, and possibly lacking with you...?

    To your original question - Is it cheating? Depends on your definition. Personally, it's borderline, in an emotionally cheating kind of way.
     
  4. chansigril

    chansigril not an og, just a g OT Supporter

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    been my experience those who are most concerned about cheating are those whom are most likely to cheat themselves.
     
  5. Leah

    Leah OT Supporter

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    It depends on what you consider cheating. A lot of people would say that if you're doing something you know your SO would be upset about, it's cheating. Just because it's a betrayal. I would be concerned about what she's saying to this guy just because of how dissastisfied she seems with you.
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    if it bothers you, talk to her about it, let her know and ask her to stop.

    If she keeps doing it, leave her.

    Or, if it just flat out bothers you too much already, just leave her.
     
  7. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    I agree with this post
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Decide if you want a girlfriend who flirts.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    But remember that it's psychologically unhealthy for a person (guy or girl) NOT to flirt.

    So, there's a balance.
     
  10. fray

    fray New Member

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    yes, but then there is flirting just to flirt, and flirting with intention. I question the intention based on the chat...
     
  11. Frito

    Frito New Member

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    ditto.

    i don't see why she should be talking to her ex if she is still with you.
     
  12. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    I don't agree with this. When I'm even serious about getting with a girl, before anything happens I stop flirting with other people. When I'm actually in a relationship, I practically stop looking at other women. It's not psychologically unhealthy at all, and if the relationship doesn't work out I don't hesitate to end it. But what I'm not going to do is flirt with other people, because when my spouse does that it's one of the worst experiences you can have and I don't want to do that to someone else.
     
  13. netkilla

    netkilla Guest

    I known married bitches that flirt like that.. they are just not happy in the relationship pretty much.. if she really liked/loved you she wouldnt be sending out "feelers" to see what she can get.. she might be attached to you but she doesnt really "love" you.. I know when I start hitting on bitches and meeting up its been when I was unhappy in the relationship and I really didnt care if my GF found out.. of course if she did, id try my hardest to make it better just cuz im use to her not because im really sorry :o
     
  14. alo816

    alo816 New Member

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    Shes definitely flirting and its weird how shes like well you had your chance to move here but didnt! its definitely strange.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    yeah ... obviously, i would argue there are healthier approaches. i used to be that way too.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    just to clarify i think this girl is acting a little sleazy
     
  17. upparoom

    upparoom OT Supporter

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    sounds like the chick is flirting hard core, the dude is trying to keep it to a minimum.

    doesnt sound like much..yet

    I'd put a stop to it before it gets any further. asap.
     
  18. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    There was no flirting in that chat. They talk like friends. Quit reading her IM logs...
     
  19. AndNineteen

    AndNineteen G!zMo's High School Pic

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    Dude reading her chat logs is just wrong...
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rolleyes: And what if it is flirting? Friends flirt :dunno:

    There's a question of intent... silver gets a bad vibe from this chat log. I am leaning towards agreeing with her, but who can say.

    Might as well behave unthreatened, OP.
     
  21. 98dirtybird

    98dirtybird OT Supporter

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  22. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Well by MY perception I don't detect any flirting, just friendly banter. No one can say for sure but that's my advice...we're allowed to differ
     
  23. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Are you a troll? I know you probably won't like that comment, but I suspect your not since you did pull up a long ass MSN chat. Dude seriously, re-read that thing, he's so harmless, wind will knock his confidence away.

    He probably still likes her yes, but I bet he will wait till you ruin it then get in. Nice guys wait, trust me I can wait a long time for someone I want. You are going to fuck up your relationship my friend, you've already started. Stop playing into this whole mind trip that isn't even there. She most likely "likes" you and see's you in a way she doesn't see him. She put her feelings for HIM in past tense for Christ sakes. I think it's over for you unless you can actually change and put trust in a person, if not she is really going to cheat on you because it's what you classed her as.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2008
  24. doubleb23

    doubleb23 Ooooo

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    :werd:


    How would you even bring this up to her? "So, I was looking through your MSN chat log..." :ugh2: The conversation was a little sketch, I agree. But pretty normal overall - life is messy like that and people have baggage. Acting like life isn't messy is just pissing in the wind.
     
  25. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Eh, maybe something is going on, but this doesn't prove anything, and I wouldn't consider it incriminating. "Tone" is hard to determine and harder to assign any meaning when the context is text on the internet.

    For comparison, here is an incriminating chat log:

     

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