SRS is this a weird mentality?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by onslaught61, Oct 5, 2007.

  1. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    I'm only 19, second year in college, and I'm constantly having the mindset that I need to be mature like an adult right now and do everything that will ensure a happy future, as opposed to having fun as a college kid and being more liberal and free. I want to work hard and have a better life in the future, than have a fun life now and a crappy life later on. I want to be a hardcore athlete, do everything that's healthy and stay in top shape so my body will be fine while others' will be aged. I don't want a lot of girlfriends or fool around with girls because I want a serious and functional relationship when marriage time comes. I don't need a lot of friends now cause they'll most likely drift away later on. All in all, my conscience keeps telling me that my life isn't about NOW, it's about the future, and that I need to figure out the way to live a perfect life.

    I see kids who have fun everyday not caring about anything, and I see those who spend their time helping others, working to support their family and improving themselves. As for me, I feel compelled to be on a side, cause it's too hard to be on both. Should I be the one who sacrifices fun for service to others? Should I have fun cause it's what being a kid is about, before we really have to grow up and go out into the real world?

    It's easier said than done to just be myself and be on both sides, and I think it comes down to feelings of guilt for not being more mature, and doing the 'righteous' things, and feelings of jealousy and 'missing out' for not having drunken college fun like others. Is there any way to just be content with where I am and not wonder so much what I SHOULD be doing and how I should be thinking?
     
  2. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I think that the way your thinking is on the right track but again--you're only 19. If you want to have a little bit of fun, IT IS NOT WRONG to have that or want it. Everyone needs a bit of fun time, whether its with themselves or with a group of friends. Just remember that you can work, and play, but do it all responsibly.

    You shouldn't grow up too fast, because you might miss doing the little things right now.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I will just say this....I am friends with a lot of people in their 30's who are married now and married in their 20's. I know them through my bf because he works with them all. All are great people and were just like you when they were your age. They all said they were focused on growing up, being mature, and being set for their future. Well now they are "grown up" and literally at one time or another all have told me the same thing-"HAVE FUN RIGHT NOW."

    I can't tell you how many times I've heard them say things like "I wish I would've gone out more when I was your age!" or "I wish I had had more stupid fun." My sister is only 26, but she was also like this and tells me now after being married for 4 years and having two children already that she wishes she had just enjoyed herself instead of always worrying about being mature for her future.
     
  4. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Honestly I am 19 myself and well I kinda feel the same way. My mind tells me it's time to start growing up. But, it doesn't mean you can't have a lil fun, as long as you do it responsibly. I've never been much for hanging out with the drinking and partying people. So, I just go out with my friends, family, bf. That's how I have fun, but I also have a job and I have to go back to school. So, I guess you just kinda have to balance the two. :)
     
  5. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Well, you're on the right track, but you need to not be so high-strung all the time, focused on the future. You need to lay back a little and take things in.

    However, I am saying this is as a person who has challenged himself educationally and will be spending my fall break indoors on my computer working on Computer Engineering and Programming work.

    Do i ever regret deciding to be an engineer? Of course

    Would I do anything else: Never.
     
  6. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I've felt this way all of my life.

    I'm not into the stereotypical college activites of getting wasted and hooking up with random girls. Is something wrong with me?

    It's not that I don't have fun, I just have it in my own way. I like working on cars, driving, photography, music, going to concerts, etc. Maybe it's not the "average" fun of a 22 year old, but I get turned off when I meet girls who live the college life in excess. I guess I value responsibility more than anything else...
     
  7. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    This was interesting. It made me think that while thinking about the future is pretty mature of you, what about NOW ? Are you happy with what you're doing ? That's what matters. The future is really important but you can still enjoy what you're doing while getting there, otherwise you'll always be living for something else to come.
     
  8. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I'm pretty much like you. What I'm getting from your post though is that you feel that you're sacrificing "fun" for "security". If you aren't happy with your life now, you have to change something. If you want a happy future, you have to think about the fact that the future will be "now" one day and that if you continue as you do, you probably won't be happier then than now because you'll still be thinking about what to do next.

    You also feel bad for missing out on stuff that normal college kids do. There's nothing that keeps you from doing it. I personally don't enjoy it either and I often feel like I'm missing something. But every time that I go out in a bar, or get drunk, or do "normal" college stuff, I don't enjoy it at all.

    I think you should think about why it's so important to you to have a safe future. Plus, you're talking about how your life isn't NOW and it's in the future, and that you need the "perfect life". That's pretty irrationnal I guess. Who can live a "perfect" life ? How will you evaluate that yours is perfect ?
     
  9. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    Everyone is right when it comes down to being happy with where I am. Of course I have heard older people tell me to have fun while I can, but like a typical aspiring student, I am trying hard to prepare myself for a career in medicine, thus going to med school. As we all know, med school can't be taken lightly and does require going the extra mile. I am not the type who can accomplish that while juggling friends and fun at the same time. I've had friends and acquaintances who say/think they have the mindset 'work hard, play hard.' However, with all of them, I don't see that happening. They end up fooling around too much, not realizing how much effort it takes to do really well. For me, as of right now, I can only see myself having such a career, and to achieve that goal I need to spend more time than I ever did in high school.

    I think it's too hard in college to make many friends and constantly be in touch or keep close without being distracted from important things. I don't keep in contact with others very well if my mind and priorities lie elsewhere. Now I'm beginning to think that the issue of friends is what causing me to think so much like this.
     
  10. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    What's the "issue of friends" ?
    Don't you think you can have fun at times and work hard at others ? What makes you think it isn't possible ?
     
  11. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    Of course that would be the best of both worlds, but it's not as easy as people like you make it out to be. From my experience, keeping close or in touch with friends in college is really hard if you don't see them often or hang out a lot. I can't fool around most days given my schedule of work, study, volunteer, etc. and I definitely do not feel like I have the time to go make more friends. Most people who think they work hard and play hard don't really do so, and I can say that from experience with others. They think they are studying and working hard, but they really aren't focused; their mind is always on friends, fun, etc. It's the balance between friends/fun and work/study that I have a hard time finding.


    Everyone keeps saying to have both fun and work hard, but those are the people who don't need to sacrifice their weekends to go the extra mile, to work extra hard...IMO at least. Of course there could be exceptions, there always are, but I'm not one of those special people who can multitask these things.
     
  12. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    Have you tried meeting people within your branch of study? When I was in college I spent very little time with my original friends because the majority of my time was spent at school. What made life a lot more fun was developing a group of friends within my major who I could hang around and study with on campus. Whenever I had free time so did they since we were on the same basic schedule and so a lot of times we would hang out.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The right mindset is this.

    Think about the past
    Dream about the future
    But LIVE today!


    There was this guy who always was planning out his future, he died in some horrible accident and *POOF* gone to waste was all his future planning, now of course what he did was right, but only partly. You see, during your life you must not forget to LIVE. There's no blaming in this person of course, he felt compelled to plan out his future, and i couldn't agree more, but you have to remember , a star has to shine during its life, only darkness is left afterwards of its glory when it dies.

    So organise fun stuff for you to do during weekends, holliday (like golfing,vacation,bowling(any hobby), work during the weekdays, and help out people. That way you can do all those 3 things, by smart planning of your time, you don't neglect yourself, and you don't neglect others, its a balancing thing. You have to set priorities in life you know.
     
  14. PunkInDrublic

    PunkInDrublic Active Member

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    Not meaning to hijack or anything but what if you want to live it up in college but you can't? Just sitting at home every night, like tonight, with no friends and nothing to do :hs:

    ibgooutboostselfconfidenceetc
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It almost sounds to me like your are in denial and using your busy school schedule and "get it done" attitude tp mask the fact that you just don't have any friends.
     
  16. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    No trust me I did have friends,a lot of them...but once I started getting into the work mode, I stopped calling them, keeping in contact, and eventually they did as well. At least all the people I know, need that constant closeness and I just can't keep that up. I haven't found people who work at the same level as I do and are only willing to play on the weekends or something, except maybe my roommates.

    edit: i have wondered before whether i was in denial, but then again I did make a lot of friends. The bottom line is that it's too hard for me to balance both fun and work/study. If I start having fun, my mind will drift there and I will lose all focus on studying. It has happened numerous times and that led me to really want to change and do something different.
     
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2007
  17. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    you "can't"? you probably just need to go out of your way and find a group or club from your uni and build your friends from there.
     
  18. cyc1120

    cyc1120 OT Supporter

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    I used to be exactly like you a few years back then. You are partially right. Yes, indeed, you have to work hard so that you have a good future. But being too hard on yourself is not good. You will, at some point, "lose" your friends because you never come out. I'd say, try to get a good balance of things. Go party and have some fun while you're fun while still working hard for your future.

    And if you really decide to not party and jsut work hard, just make sure you won't regret this decision later on.
     
  19. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    The problem is not WHAT to do. I already know having a balance is the best there is, but the problem is how to achieve that balance given what I'm doing right now. I'm not willing to sacrifice grades, work and volunteering. Those things are pretty much stamped into my life right now. I guess what I'm wondering, is HOW to be at peace with myself while being this busy, or is there no way that will happen?
     
  20. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    Was my suggestion not viable? I'm curious what your thoughts are on my advice. And just so you know, I wasn't expecting to be good friends with people in my major. I mean cmon I was in math! :mamoru:

    It worked out very well though. I was productive and forming friendships. I had some of the best times of my life studying my ass off with them.
     

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