SRS Is there a nice way to tell your friend you want them to lose weight?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by HighHeelQueen, Jan 17, 2010.

  1. HighHeelQueen

    HighHeelQueen New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2010
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    One good friend of mine growing up has always been over weight. I worry about her because I know that in 10 years she could be either dead or have some problems that will never go away.

    I go to the gym 2-3 times a week and have kinda bugged her to join me so I can have a work out partner.

    I almost want to come out and say, "hey I'm worried about your weight because it could really screw your life up later" but i don't know how to say it the right way.

    Experience in this situation?
     
  2. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    i had to tell someone the same thing once. i just came out and said it: "i'm worried about your health because you're over weight." he took it well because he knew i cared :hs:
     
  3. HighHeelQueen

    HighHeelQueen New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2010
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    East Coast
    yea thanks girl
     
  4. RichieHemingway

    RichieHemingway New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,910
    Likes Received:
    0


    If were talking about weight, you're going to see a huge difference in the way a male and female handle criticism.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    I'd start by getting to know more about the lifestyle that 'supports' the friend being overweight. Then I'd take aim at the crappy habits (bad diet, lack of exercise, late-night fridge raid, etc). Then introduce new and better habits (tact required). Then praise the good results that are inevitable once the crappy habits are changed.

    Some people have conditions that make weight loss extremely difficult, such as thyroid problems. I've got two friends whose diet and exercise habits are stellar, one of whom has a job which is quite physical, and they still can't kick the extra pounds because of thyroid issues. Meanwhile I eat like crap and run after a toddler for exercise and I can hardly keep the weight on. So if you're going to have this conversation with your friend, you'll need to find an opening to bring it up (blindside=bad), and keep the focus on her health and your concern for it rather than her measurements. She might also need to hear that you love her for who she is, too.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    No, there's no nice way to bring it up. If that friend happens to bringnit up, though, you should make a comment about being concerned for his/her health and see where the conversation goes
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Keep in mind...if she's really overweight, she's heard it before. I'd skip the whole "you're fat thing and I'm worried about you". That won't solve anything, and may make her feel bad.

    Sounds like you have already invited her/asked her to exercise with you in the past.

    My questions for you are: Is she willing to change? If not, do you think you can convince her?

    I guarantee she knows she isn't healthy. If she's ever been to a doctor, they've told her.
     
  8. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    Instead of telling them to lose it directly, perhaps you could share in the process by changing somethings yourself and improving your own habits or behavior.

    People, for some reason, often are inspired to make changes when someone else is doing the same. When they are encouraged by seeing this other person grow and improve, they want to take part, and they want to learn how they can get really true practical advice that will work.

    Weight loss buddies, or exercise buddies -- or even cooking/shopping buddies have become popular, as people are starting to realize that success is often reinforced when there is someone watching your results, while also expecting that they'll be watching your results too. Helping means getting involved in the experience, and that is why so many friends who are so concerned about a friends weight -- never actually get thru to their friend, they never seem to really help them the way they'd hoped.

    Try this method, using reasonable methods that don't strip the person down and change too many things at once. Gradual transformation is key. If the person doesn't want to do it, it's ok. It's their body. When they're ready, you can be there if you wish. If they don't change, that's fine too -- it's not your responsibility.

    Care from a distance, but remain detached enough to let them handle their own responsibilities.

    Also, be flexible about the options you offer. If working out doesn't appeal, it doesn't mean other useful options along the road of change would be fun to her. Ask her to go shopping with you while you purchase healthy foods. As you walk the isles, you can point out why you eat one item but ignore another -- teaching her, without really lecturing, and it can become an interesting subject to explore.

    At the gym, focus on basics, asking her what she would like her body to look like, or what type of goal she'd like to strive for. If she isn't ready for that, but is willing to walk around the park, or play some tennis or some other easier activity, take those opportunities.

    Flexibility and patience will get you where you want to see her go.........eventually.
     
  9. Unspun

    Unspun New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2010
    Messages:
    28
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, FL
    This. Taken into consideration the type of personality she has as to whether she'd take the conversation good or bad, at all. Some people, regardless of what you say to them; will never come to terms with their own ailments. You could just end up losing a friend.
     
  10. GFlem

    GFlem New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    19,574
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lakewood, OH
    Keep in mind that everyone who is overweight knows on some level that they are ruining themselves.

    If you're saying truthful things, and not just like, "you disgust me," you will get the ":hs: i know" response.

    Hearing it doesn't help. It needs to be an internal motivation.
     
  11. VA197

    VA197 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    1,856
    Likes Received:
    0
    No. Your friend knows she's overweight. You telling her is just going to hurt her feelings and make her resent you. I gained a ton of weight several years ago, from a medication I was on, seriously like 100 lbs. I also have a goiter (thyroid condition). My mother was constantly making remarks about my weight, and it did nothing but piss me off. I knew I was fat, I knew there was something wrong, and I eventually realized that it was more than just eating wrong and having a sedentary lifestyle. I went to the doctor, and got off of that horrible medication, got my thyroid medication regulated, and dropped 85 pounds in about a year and a half. Yes I still have some left to go, but I am not the huge fatass I was before. I didn't need anyone telling me what I needed to do, I have a brain, and I knew that I needed to eat healthier and exercise more.

    Your best thing you can do for your friend is keep your opinions to yourself. Love her and support her, and when she chooses to make a change, then encourage her without talking down to her. No one likes to have it pointed out to them that they are fat, or whatever their flaws may be. And being overweight is a very sensitive subject.
     

Share This Page