SRS Is the entree really not as good without something on the side?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by syrup, Apr 11, 2008.

  1. syrup

    syrup Guest

    I've been with my g/f for 3+ years now. She is an amazing person. She is probably the most kind-hearted person I've ever met. She is my absolute best friend and I would give my life for her.

    The only thing is, I've been with her since 2 months into my freshman year of college and I'm now a senior. One month previous to her, I had a year-long relationship in HS. So I've more or less been off the market from the age of 17-22.

    I'm going fucking crazy. I get absolutely everything positive out of this relationship: love, friendship, happiness, etc. But the animal inside of me is horny as fuck and needs some sort of sexual change. Even just to make out with another girl. I don't need to go out and fuck a thousand chicks, I mean just sort of wet my palatte every now and then to remind myself I've still got it.

    But I don't want to break up with her. She really gives me no reason to, and I really don't want to. I still love her and I can see myself always loving her. But does love necessarily mean exclusivity?

    Help me please. And please give more advice than just "if you love her, don't cheat." If it were that simple, I wouldn't be posting this.
     
  2. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    you need to talk to HER about this. let her know that you're unsatisfied sexually. is she boring in the bedroom? try to spice things up WITH HER a bit before you just go out and hook up with someone else (which, more than likely, will suck and you'll just feel like shit afterwards. not to mention she'll probably break up with you). communication is key in long relationships like that.
     
  3. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    I did this, this past summer with my Ex, and now I want her back and she hasn't completely closed the door but it probably wont happen. It was the worst decision I ever made, to go "sample the waters"

    If you want to risk losing someone who makes you that happy just for a little pleasure, or to let yourself know you still got it... Then go right ahead.

    Minus whale do it now, instead of when you get married or somethign.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its as the people say its not worth risking it, you don't know what you have until you lose it. If she's really that great then she should be able to sexually satisfy you too. Don't make your heart a murder hole, discuss it with her.
     
  5. syrup

    syrup Guest

    No, she's fine in the bedroom. But if you eat steak every day for 3 and a half years, eventually you will crave a ham sandwich.

    I just am horny for variety. No matter what is done, it's still the same face and its still the same vagina. I know that sounds horrible and I wish I didn't feel that way, but it's just how it is.
     
  6. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    maybe it's not going to work out between you two then :dunno:

    there are people who still manage to excite and surprise each other in the bedroom even after 30 years of marriage.

    honestly though, i think your problem is what you said in your first post... you've been in relationships for your entire adult life. you should voice this concern to her. if she is extremely understanding and level-headed, she may understand where you're coming from and try to work something out (although this issue is much harder for women to understand). many people who are in LTRs from a young age (and who want to make it last forever) take some time apart to "make sure" that they're the one. if you feel like this girl is someone you could marry, then maybe that's something you should look into. if not, then do her a favor and break it off so you can get the variety you need.
     
  7. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    It doesnt have to be though...you can have steak oscar, broiled steak, grilled steak, filet mignon wrapped in bacon, surf n' turf....

    Ok, so maybe thats extending the metaphore a wee bit, but the point is that if you want to and give it a try, you can spice up your sex life w/o being w/someone besides your gf. Ever play dress-up? Whipped cream? Maybe experimenting a little bit would help...
     
  8. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Maybe just not have sex for a while, and then when you do it will be appreciated.
     
  9. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    If she is really that great and you can't find a reason to break up with her you probably shouldn't follow your dick. This is whats going to happen, your going to break her heart, venture out, realize that all thats out there compared to her are crack whores and skanks swimming in venereal diseases. Your going to come back to her only to realize she has either moved on or hates you, and everyone is miserable. It's not worth it.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I dumped my first gf after 3.5 years for similar reasons.

    And in hindsight, I regretted it for a LONG time. I still do sometimes. Everything with her was perfect, I just didn't realize it at the time.
     
  11. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    btw

    Do your gf a favor and dump her.
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    so you're thinking about cheating, and already coming up with ways to justify the idea and/or action.

    If your gf is so great, she doesn't deserve this. Dump her, go fuck some other women, and come back to us when you invariably realize what a mistake you've made, and she won't have anything to do with you.
     
  13. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    You only want it because you can't have it. This is a guaranteed regret if you go through with it. If you are boning random chicks all the time, you will want to have one girl that really love you. Sex without feeling is not as great as you think.
     
  14. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    True story:
    A freind of mine (4yr relationship and counting) had this same wild oats feeling, talked to his girlfriend about it and it turned out she was feeling a little the same way. They agreed to a temporary trial of having an open relationship and once the option to sleep with anyone they wanted was there they became infatuated with one another and the sex has never been better... and neither of them slept with anyone outside the relationship :rofl:
     
  15. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    :ugh: Why not just try new things sexually with your girlfriend? That ought to spice things up. Seriously, if you have something so good, why throw it away? You will regret it.
     
  16. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    That's what i did, and now I am miserable.
     
  17. syrup

    syrup Guest

    Thanks for all of the great replies, everyone. I understand what you all mean about more than likely regretting the decision to dump her, but I sometimes worry that in 10 years, I'll regret not knowing what it was like to be single in my youth.

    I don't remember what it's like to have that first date. I don't remember what it's like to have that first kiss or that girl you're so infatuated with you can't focus on anything else in your life.

    I realize that all of these things are temporary, but it still makes me wonder if by staying with her out of fear of regret, will I eventually regret the decision of staying itself?

    Our sex life is odd because it seems like the longer we are together, the more and more she becomes my best friend and not an object of desire. She has little outfits and stuff that she buys to spice things up and I love it, but some days I feel more in the mood to masturbate to some random whore in a porno than to have sex with my gf. I'm still attracted to her, I just have such strong feelings toward her as my best friend that the sexual stuff sometimes feels weird. Like I don't feel I can just fuck the living shit out of her as I used to. I genuinely care for her so I can't just look at her like an object for sex.

    I need to go see a shrink or something. I need someone to rant to that charges me $300 an hour.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:

    If you aren't willing to try ans spice things up with her because "things are fine" :rolleyes: then you might as well dump her now.
     
  19. 2500

    2500 Guest

    being in a commited relationship is basically saying goodbye to that "animal" inside you. it's really hard for some people. it was for me. i went through years and years of living at a "buffett" and then switched to "steak every night." it took maybe a year and a half of steak for me to start having mini cravings for something else. i talked with my BF, we agreed, kinda sorta, that we could both do PG rated things with someone else just to add a little something new. 1 time. well, i went and did it, and seriously, regretted it AS i was cumming. seriously, it took NO time at all before i was like "oh wow, sex is NOTHING now that i've had it with love. i stopped doing this and entered a relationship for a reason." and i realized it instantly. it was terrible. well, aparently, it was more of a "ok, we'll do it" as an "I'm not going to stop you" not so much a "I'm OK with it." So that caused a huge problem, he met someone at a club, broke up with me, fucked him, realized the same shit, and came back to me. We then went through months of no sex because i wasn't touching him in any unsafe way until he got tested. he just got a negative HIV result yesterday and we are FINALLY starting our journey past this event, just shy of 6 months after my "hunger craving." Worst thing ever man. It sounds like you have something really good, and I wouldn't risk losing that to get your dick wet for 6 minutes. If you are, then, that's the life you should be living, not in a relationship. theres nothing wrong with it, if thats what you want, but you can't have both. this whole episode with me was the final nail in the coffin to remind me "you do NOT want that lifestyle, your BF is amazing, the best thing that could have happened to you, and you love him more than anything. don't fuck it up." From that point on, my outlook is alot different, and i don't have cravings for anything else, because i realized when i think with the right head, i already have everything i could ever want and need.
     
  20. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    There are a lot of people who dream of being in your shoes and never find it. You're going to break her heart when you tell her your bored of her and how you can't see her as a friend as well as an object of desire. The problem isn't her, it's you and your insecurities. If you didn't still have it, your wonderful girlfriend wouldn't still be with you. Oh well, have fun throwing that away because you got an itch for some bar sluts.
     
  21. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Basically, it doesn't mean you're a bad person for asking these questions. What it means is, you're not ready to be in a long term exclusive relationship. Nothing wrong with that.

    It's perfectly ok to do that and feel this way, but it's not ok to compromise your character or to injure another person in the process by betraying them. When you end it, do not explain yourself beyond a simple sentence or two, do not "try to protect her feelings", just tell the truth.

    She will be hurt and angry probably regardless of what you say, so keep what you say to a minimum. Don't say more than you need to. Keep it conscise and keep it simple." It's better to acutely and quickly put someone out of their misery than to drag them through the mud with chronic pain.

    Example:

    I no longer want to continue to be in an exclusive long term relationship with you or anyone else. You've done nothing wrong and I've enjoyed our time together, this is something I want to do for myself. Then tell her "I'm going to get going now."

    And that's all you say.

    I know this might be hard for you to understand, but I assure you, it's the only path you can take while retaining your character. Without it, you're nothing.

    Chances are you will regret making this decision, but the truth is, you'll regret not making it, because the thought has already infected your mind and heart.

    All you can do is end it with dignity and respect. A lot of people aren't going to agree with me on this, but that's because they're either going through this, or they're idealistic.

    There is one final option however that might be "win/win": Would your girlfriend be at all interested in an open relationship? Most women aren't, but some are. If you two can talk about that indirectly without getting into your reasons for it, you'll find out exactly where she stands. If she says absolutely "No" -- then you know what you must do.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2008
  22. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    Yup. Doing it any other way will just confuse her or make her blame herself.:hs:
     
  23. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    everything he just said.
     
  24. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    This curiosity of yours WILL NOT go away, so it's better to do it now rather than 10 years from now when there is marriage and/or kids in the picture.

    /thread
     
  25. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Srsly, talk to HER about it.

    There is nothing wrong with getting in a "rut" and starting to feel like the relationship is a bit stale and then getting those urges to play elsewhere. Honestly, she probably feels the same. You guys just need to find each other again and try to spice things up.

    If you regret that you've been in a relationship since you were 17, then you need to be fair to her and get out of it. It sounds like you are feeling more of the regret, then of actual happiness. Maybe you aren't ready for something so serious. You may love her, but are you IN love with her? Do you enjoy her company for the shear sake of company, or is it HER that you enjoy being around?

    Ask yourself a few questions, then sit down and have a talk with her.
     

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