Is she over-dramatic, or am I a dick?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DTR rex, Jan 1, 2010.

  1. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I originally had this in my "breakup" thread, but I thought it kinda deserved it's own thread and even a poll.

    Guys: do you do this and is it normal?
    Girls: would you put up with this and consider a guy like this a dick?

    I'm trying to figure out if there's something wrong with me, or if she's just being over-dramatic.
    Take into consideration that although I do these things, I am not like this all the time, and often am quite affectionate, cook her dinner, tell her how much I love her.

    - Sometimes I'll pick her up and I guess I don't smile at her when I see her... but she smiles at me. This really upsets her. It's not that I don't want to see her, but I just don't smile all the time or something.

    - She will call me and I am busy eating, sleeping, or doing something and since I seem rushed or not interested in talking to her she gets offended and upset. I guess my non-interest is conveyed more as an annoyance to be talking to her?

    - I don't compliment her that often, because sometimes she fishes for them and I HATE THAT.

    - Sometimes she'll be talking to me and I'll just be uninterested and distant. She notices and gets quite upset.

    - If I'm in a bad mood I'll tend to focus more on myself and not give her the attention she wants.

    - I criticize her choices. I tend to have an "I know best" mentality with her. In reality, most of the times I am right, and I do this out of love to try and help... but in her mind it comes across as me being conceded and thinking she's stupid.

    - Sometimes she'll want to go out and have fun and I just feel like staying in and chilling... more often than not, If I don't feel like going out, we don't.

    These are just some things she complains about with our relationship. I'm really trying to get a feel for whether I am a huge dick that needs to change or if she's just over-dramatic.
    Again, I am not like this all the time, but if you girls had a guy who acted like this SOMETIMES, would that be enough to get fed up and tell him to get lost?
    And guys... Do you find yourself acting this towards your girl, and if you did act like this would you EXPECT her to dump you?
     
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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  3. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yes to what? I am a dick, or she is over-dramatic?
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Exactly right.
     
  5. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    .
     
  6. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    Sounds like you don't really dig this girl.
     
  7. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Gotcha!
     
  8. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    That's the thing, I do.

    I love her in fact. Trying to figure out if there's something wrong with me that just makes me a selfish jerk in relationships, or if she's just being dramatic by complaining about this stuff constantly.
     
  9. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You don't express love the way most people do, I can see why that would freak her out.
     
  10. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    Why shouldn't she fish for compliments from her own boyfriend? Why do you "HATE THAT"??

    It depends what you mean here by "sometimes", like how often exactly you act like this. Did you ever get the same complaints from your exes?
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Is that part of the boyfriend's job description? Getting compliment-fished? :rofl:

    Fishing for compliments is dumb because when you succeed you're still not satisfied because it wasn't a compliment freely given.
     
  12. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    lol no. But I don't think it necessarily is a bad thing, it depends on how you do it. Saying "I am fat/ugly" constantly so that you hear compliments might be annoying, but it can be less dramatic than that. :dunno: And off course if he was giving her compliments already, she wouldn't be fishing for them. I don't think her fishing should be "HATED" when he might be able to fix it but is too insensitive to do it.
     
  13. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    I find compliment fishing annoying as hell... however, there's very few people that I know that are just chronic compliment fishers no matter what due to some low self-esteem issues or whatever it may be. Generally speaking, even the most secure "I don't fish" type of person may sort've start to fish for them in a relationship if the other person isn't really making them feel loved, beautiful & wanted.

    I've seen that happen so many times. People date for a couple years, people get comfortable. The effort to make someone feel special dwindles. The guy's logic is, "well, shit, we've been together 4 years, obviously I think she's amazing and beautiful!" Girl "He doesn't make me feel good anymore, he's just not that into me :wtc::wtc::wtc::wtc::wtc:" This may seem like a small thing. But then you get where the TS is today and it becomes a culmination of things - to the point of being a dealbreaker.

    Guys often want to 'show' compliments not 'say' them. Which is fine & all. But women, because we're crazy and love validation from our partner, need to hear it sometimes. Guys don't really get the "I just want to hear you SAY it" logic we have sometimes. It's nice. It feels good. It makes us feel like a million bucks. We don't want to lose that feeling just because we've been together for x odd years.

    It's not like you need to throw them around everyday to the point that it loses "value." But shit, I don't think it's so much to ask to when we go out for a date to tell us we look great, sweetly kiss us and look us straight in the eyes like you really mean it and tell us you love us every once in awhile, tell us how great that meal is we spent 2 hours cooking for you, etc. etc.

    Guys love to hear it too. I always make special effort in a LTR to not stop giving compliments, even little stuff, when I'm with someone. The "you're so sexy" when you're getting ready together in the morning and they get out of the shower, making someone feel like a man, etc. etc. It's important.
     
  14. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :werd:
     
  15. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    sounds like a little bit of column a and a little bit of column b :dunno:
     
  16. giz

    giz Active Member

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    you sound exactly like my roommate and he's planning on dumping his gf :rofl:
     
  17. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    If you treated me like that even some of the time I'd dump your ass so fast it'd make your head spin.
     
  18. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    Sounds like it's gunna end soon, or did it already? :mamoru:
     
  19. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    I want my man to treat me like a princess, so no, I wouldn't put up with that kind of behavior :).
     
  20. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I think this is a large part of it. We've been together for a while and whenever she says "I don't think you care about me or love me" I respond with just what you said, "I've been with you for x amount of years, of course I do!!!".

    Also, when I get fished for compliments I feel forced to give them. I don't like that because they don't feel genuine... hence, I hate it.
     
  21. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Ironically, she compliments constantly.

    I'm into working out/bodybuilding so she constantly telling me how sexy I am, how she loves my abs/arms/back, etc...

    I guess it's pretty messed up that I don't compliment her even half as much as she compliments me, lol. I need to fix that I am thinking.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Fixed.
     
  23. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    You're not Forrest Gump.
    Maybe you don't know what love is.;)

    Honestly man, its probably a combination of both.
    In other words, as much as you care for her, and her for you, the two of you just aren't compatible.
    I don't think you trying to change to keep her will work and agree with beer's last post.
     
  24. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    SO much of this thread reminds me of my last relationship. I loved him so much, and he "said" he did too... but actions often speak louder than words. If you can't show her how much she means to you then you don't deserve her and it's a good thing she broke up with you.

    Obviously you guys just have different ideas and expectations when it comes to a relationship. Move on and MAYBE you'll meet a girl in the future whose expectations line up with yours... but I don't know many girls who would put up with that kind of disregard for very long. IMO she will move on and find someone who will treat her better.
     
  25. Decease

    Decease New Member

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    Just from reading your little list, you give off the vibe that you really aren't all that interested in her anymore. Sure you've been together for years, but maybe you're in it just to be in it.
     

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