Discussion in 'On Topic' started by shiyan, Jul 9, 2009.
Seems like my libido is a bit higher than my SO's
*insert 5 black guys comment here*
is it wrong? no.
if you are not pleased w. your SO sex drive talk to her/him.
if nothing can be resolved decide if they are worth staying w. knowing that you will not get to have sex daily.
she's willing to go to a therapist, but I don't know if that's something that can be changed
perhaps it's her bc pills
my ex was no where into sex as i was. we tried multiple things. nothing worked. its just who she was/is.
our relationship ended partially bc of it.
not saying that's your scenario. but sometimes we have to realize we cannot "make" people do what they do not want.
you then have to decide if daily sex is worth more or less then her.
may i ask how often you do have sex?
Hey man, sorry to hear about the current situation. There could be a variety of reasons. Talking to her doctor would be a better direction to go than talking to a therapist unless you both believe that something psychological could be causing this.
Has her sexual behavior changed recently?
Thanks for the replies guys.
Before she graduated and found a job, we always had sex more than 10 times a week except when she had her periods. When she first started at her job, we were down to 7ish. Now that she's getting more responsibilities at work we're down to like 4 times a week and I'm not happy about that at all, as she still wants to cuddle. She can fall asleep like that but I'm just a ball of pent up frustration and can't fall asleep.
Just now I went for a run (it's past midnight), but I still didn't feel like sleeping, so I rubbed one out to a porno, probably one of the few times I've done so since we've been together. I really don't want to do this as I'd rather release in her.
She says that she loves me deeply but physically does not crave for sex every day, but that latter part makes me feel unloved/undesired "do I suck at sex?!!!" (perhaps immature on my part? but that's just how I feel)
it's a really shitty situation as I don't want to say to her "so should I go masturbate on my own?", as she would take that as a threat
how long have you guys been together? how old are you two?
having sex 10 times a week is pretty unrealistic in most LTRs.
It's wrong to think you'll have sex every day or as much as you did at the beginning of the relationship.
well I don't expect to keep up 10 times a week but was hoping once a day was achievable
oh so it's my fault
she says girls just aren't as horny as guys but I as I'm not a girl
maybe I just suck at the sexors
Have you tried talking to her directly about your feelings on this? I mean, the insecurity aspect. Have you asked her if you're responsible for any of the changes, or if she's not satisfied?
I have, she says that's not the problem at all, that she's very satisfied, but that she's just not in the mood for sex every night, or is very tired, etc
But back in my mind I'm thinking "well if I was really great at sex, wouldn't she want some every day? After all, I want to bang her any time we're together"
She compares it to being offered a great steak when she's not hungry
youve been together over a year.... its going to be unlikely that you will find a woman that will want to have sex w. daily.
it probably has nothing to do w. you. however, you should still ask (edit: saw you did and she said nothing).
4-5 days a week in my experience is a pretty good # in a LTR..
is this your first LTR?
You're not the problem. It sounds like her sex drive really is just slowing down. It could be the extra work and stress or some other biological cause, but you really don't sound like the source at all.
thanks for confirming that
to be honest I had no idea what the libido of the average girl is like
well she's been under a lot of stress lately, from work, apartment hunting, and other things, perhaps I need to help her reduce stress
but I thought sex relieved stress
I agree, even my own relationship is a lot less then this. We're both under tremendous stress and tired a lot. 4 days per week seems to be about average based on what I've heard from others.
Probably a good idea, but remember that her idea of stress release probably isn't going to be between the sheets right now. Ask her what you can do to help her alleviate stress without inviting discussion about her flagging sex drive.
see edit, lol
but yes, I need to think of something
perhaps some badminton
I guess the answer to my question is "yes, it is unrealistic to expect daily sex"
Yes, it's unrealistic. She has a full time job now, and a bunch of other stuff going on. People get stressed and tired, or just not in the mood. There are days when she isn't going to feel like having sex.
I'm the same way. I went from being unemployed and wanting to have sex 3 times a day to working a 40+ hour a week job and only having sex once a day. And sometimes even that one a day is a struggle
I'm not saying you are bad, you are just naive. Are you new at relationships? My fiancé and I have been together 3 years and are lucky to have sex 3-4 times a week. You have to realize most women just lose the drive after a while. However, you can try your best to spice it up!
but i can't see having sex everyday as realistic...or maybe it's just me