SRS Is it wrong for me to not go out with a girl based on her looks alone?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BigBadJohn, Jun 14, 2008.

  1. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    I worked at McDonalds up til a month ago when I graduated and got a real job doing jack shit at some times for $20 an hour
    Anyway, there was this 18 year old girl there that wants my nuts basically. I like her as a person and shes got a nice personality but shes a bit overweight. Her one friend keeps telling me that she likes me and tells me to call her up.
    Im probably not the best looking guy and Im no player or anything. Is it wrong of me to judge on looks?

    Fast forward to last night. I went in to turn in some sort of paperwork they needed since I quit and her friend tells me that her dad just hung himself a week ago. This is the first thing Ive heard about this. Im really thinking about seeing if she wants to go out or something because I feel really sorry for what shes going through right now.

    I just dont know what to do.
     
  2. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    As far as dating, it'd be unfair to both of you if you had absolutely no physical attraction to her. Especially if it's a pity date.
     
  3. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    I dont know. Im so screwed up its not funny and I cant even get a date. I havent gotten any action in like 2 years. Now somebody is interested in me and I cant get past the fact that shes not really good looking or something. Even though a guy Im friends with told me one day that even hed fuck her, and hes got a really hot girlfriend.

    I just think I have a problem with letting anyone get close to me. My dad used to beat me and I think that may have something to do with it
     
  4. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    First of all...if you are not attracted to someone due to their looks...does not make you a bad person, it just means that that person is just not "your type".

    Secondly, do NOT just go out with this girl out of sympathy. Right now she is probably very vulnerable and could possibly become way too attached to you which would create an even worse situation for her and you.

    Just be a friend to her. Let her know you are there for her if she needs a friend, but make it VERY clear it is only friendship that you are offering her.
     
  5. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    I guess I couldn't tell you why you're not attracted to her. It's not wrong of you to judge on looks because like I said, there has to be some baseline physical attraction or a relationship of any kind won't stand up. With that said, do you really not find her attractive in the slightest?

    Either way, I still think a pity date is a terrible idea, though you could ask her if she wants to hang out as a friend. But that may get messy since she might be into you AND she's vulnerable.
     
  6. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    Problem is, yestderday I saw a girl about same type and I probably would have hit it, but since I know this one girl likes me, I dont know if Im making excuses or not so I dont have to get close to anyone. Im all screwed up. Its like Im always expecting people to hurt me now, so Im always very skiddish, sometimes even with my friends.
     
  7. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    If you start off as friends with this girl and start getting close to her that way, who knows, you may actually become attracted to her in the future.

    I was abused as a child and I also had problems with letting people get close to me (in fear of being hurt over and over again). Going to counseling really helped me out. Now I am a great mom of 3 beautiful children, an incredible nurse, and am currently with the best man in the world. None if this would have been possible if I had not gotten help. You really have to get yourself right and love yourself before you can get involved with anyone or else you are just doomed for hurt.
     
  8. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    Profile pic. Im no Adonis
    [​IMG]


    On the left


    [​IMG]
     
  9. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Seems reasonably attractive in the first pic... but that doesn't alter what's important which is YOUR attraction to her. If you think you have an issue with pushing people away, I'd make damn sure of it considering the feelings involved.
     
  10. BigBadJohn

    BigBadJohn Pay-back time OT Supporter

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    Thats not her in the first picture. Thats Unite my hatred's sister. Shes in the 2nd pic. Im on the right in the first pic
     
  11. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    LOL, that makes sense now. I dunno, she doesn't seem like my physical type, but that is a horrible angle (I thought girls had this down to a hair now).
     
  12. lick wid nit wit

    lick wid nit wit Official OT Oracle

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    She looks more than a bit overweight to me. :eek3:

    If you're not attracted to her, you're not attracted to her. Plain and simple. don't waste your time or hers.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Personally I don't find you shallow or in the wrong. She's not a "little overweight," she's fat. I don't respect that nor would I be attracted to it either, no matter what her personality.

    I find it shallow to date someone solely based on ther looks (i.e. "that girl is a 10. She's dumb a rocks and annoying...but a 10, and I'll never get hotter).

    You can't help what you are attracted to. Never settle for anyone just because you are lonely or don't think you can do any better.
     
  14. Punky72

    Punky72 New Member

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    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would steer clear from her, if her dad hung himself doesn't mean you have to date her out of pity. my advice: don't get involved not even one bit. Seriously.
     
  16. glass

    glass New Member

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    people who keep in shape may be implicilty vain, but i'd prefer a girl with some vanity over one with poor self-discipline.
     
  17. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I'd stay away from that.... You could do much better :hs:
     
  18. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    you're definitely better looking than her.
    she actually has a cute face though.. if she lost some weight i think she could be pretty hot. [​IMG]
     
  19. Welsh0913

    Welsh0913 OT Supporter

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    Fuck yeah.

    Would it be shallow to date someone based on the fact that I think our babies would be gorgeous? I mean, thats kinda natural instinct, isn't it?
     
  20. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    don't go out with her because her dad killed himself

    also, if you aren't attracted to her, then you aren't attracted to her. That's the way it is
     
  21. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I've noticed many people who go a long long time without sex suddenly seem to raise their standards. Do you watch a lot of porn?
     
  22. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :werd:

    going out with someone soley because of their appearance is shallow, but it's a valid criteria to date someone.
     
  23. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Looks can change, personality is the long term trait I'd be looking at. I guess at your age, looks played a bigger role in it than it does at my age now. Obviously, you have to be somewhat attracted to her. I mean, if you think shes ugly, shes ugly, and it won't work. But, she doesn't seem "ugly" to me, so if she has a great personality, Id stay friends with her and see where it goes. Heres a fun little thing from my graduating class from my old middle school in NY.

    Hot chicks everyone wanted to date:
    Chick 1: Has a mustache now. seriously.
    Chick 2: Boney and anorexic looking.
    Chick 3, 4, 5, and 6: Single, drinking every night.

    "Ugly" chicks no one wanted.
    Chick 1: Very pretty, married, 1 kid
    Chick 2: Was fat, but lost a ton of weight. looks good.
    Chick 3: Married to a good looking guy
    Chick 4: Ugly turned into exotic model looking.

    So, I wouldn't base your jugement solely on her weight. I mean, you can lose weight. Maybe shes insecure about her weight, maybe she wants to lose weight, maybe she would be interested in playing tennis, going to the gym, or eating at an organic restaurant sometimes. I'm not saying date her and try to turn her skinny, but I'm saying chances are, she isn't happy with her weight, and if you look past that and it turns out she'd love to have a gym partner or a tennis partner, maybe she could lose some weight. Once again though, I'm not saying date her and try to get her to go to the gym right away as a prerequisite....
     
  24. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Dating someone hoping they'll change is always a recipe for disaster, no matter what the circumstances.

    If he feels no attraction for her, then he should not date her. Be friends? Certainly. If at a later time an attraction develops, then he should date her.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .


    . For the rest as well
     

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