SRS Is it possible to get psych help for suicide, and not be committed to a crazy house?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by black jesus, Oct 5, 2006.

  1. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Its not that I want to kill myself, it just seems like the best option. I don't have insurance, I'm losing my job, and I pay $915 per month in student loans, so lets just say "money is a problem." I don't want to be stuck in some mental institution where I'm the least crazy, and won't actually get help for the problems in my life, rather than me just telling people that I'm not thinking about suicide anymore and learn a lesson about telling people about a problem, rather than doing it.

    I don't want a bunch of drugs, I want to stop thinking that i should kill myself because its the best option I have considering factors of debt, employment options, women, and incessant self deprication.

    I almost had the balls to do it last night after washing my car. I have a great 1994 vintage Faiveley Macon Classe that I've been waiting to drink with someone for 5 years now. I was going to get sloshed off that and a 1996 vintage Robert Craig Affinity and do the CO thing in the garage. Remarkably though I considered that i was only 2 days out from the next episode of Dexter (yes my life is that simple), and thats probably the only thing I really enjoy in my life...watching a couple shows on showtime.

    Sorry to make this someone else's problem, I don't know what else to do.
     
  2. marauder

    marauder New Member

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    I'm not really able to help :hs: but hang in there :sadwavey:
     
  3. N-Word-Jim

    N-Word-Jim Cure for boredom

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    How about your family? Can't you hang around for them? Things WILL get better, even if it does seem hopeless, believe me. Then you can start living for yourself and not just so you don't let your family down.
     
  4. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Nah, my family is "crazy christian." I can't have a conversation without them telling me to find jesus.

    I need something more effective. Like I said, I don't want to kill myself, I want to be happy, and have a cool life where I get to own a house one day, have a garden, bbq grill, and maybe even have a social life. However, I can't seem to get anything going in that direction, and everything is shit in my life...fucking everything. The only time I can stop thinking about my social responsibility to kill myself is when I'm lifting in the gym.

    The feeling of necessity for suicide has become so overpowering that I can think of nothing else. I can't enjoy walking my roomate's dog, watching tv, drive my car, or endure a conversation with anyone without incessantly thinking, "Why am i going to go on living, if every day is going to be like this and perpetually get worse and worse."
     
  5. N-Word-Jim

    N-Word-Jim Cure for boredom

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    I'm not saying talk to your family about it. I'm saying how many lives would you devastate by killing yourself? Do you love your family, do you care about anyone else? Can you not hold on for them until things get better, and things WILL get better.

    Thats probably the root of your problem, you have to stop thinking like that, it may get worse, but it will hit a stopping point and then get better. Thats why we hold on through the rough times, for the "light at the end of the tunnel".
     
  6. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Telling me it will get better won't work. I don't care about anyone else in my life. How do you know things will get better? There are no gaurantees that it will get better...its more likely that it will get worse. I don't understand the arbitrary optimism ideas. Why will it get better, and is getting better ending my life because thats the only way it can possibly get better? I appreciate your input, but it won't get better. People think it gets better because they get lucky and get jobs or win the lottery, or meet people who like them. I'm so acidic and abrasive that no one wants anything to do with me, and I can't fix it becuase I can't stop thinking about how much my life is just total shit, and the only progress I can make toward being happy is to kill myself.

    I appreciate the suggestions for self-help, but if I could turn off the emotions I would. Does anyone have tips on where to start to get professional help for someone who will probably be unemployed on monday? If I could turn off the pain or just "be happy," I would.
     
  7. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    I've attempted suicide before, I know how you feel. My life was nothing, I felt almost no emotions at all at that time. Life gets better - and that's from someone who has been there.

    You said that there is at least one thing in your life that makes you feel a bit better about yourself, or at least turns off the suicidal thoughts: weightlifting. Start talkin to people in the gym, even if it seems awkward or weird. You never know you might meet, even if it is just a partner to spot you.
     
  8. 5secstrtcar

    5secstrtcar Spot you 10, give you the move and still hand you

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    I've got a job, two kids, awesome friends, etc... but I cant help but relate to how you are feeling cause I have been fighting the same feelings.
    Man there is a reason we hold on. I dont know what it is but its there. Maybe hope that things will get better. I'm having a problem with anger right now and it seems to be growing and getting very serious. I long for the moment I get to cram these elbows and knees through someones face...........and it would sovle nothing. Same with taking our lives. We are aware we have a problem and want help. Thats a start. Keep slinging those weights and try to be easier to be around. Show some kindness and soon ppl will want to be around ya. Hang in there man. Stay strong.

    I just read this and I feel a bit better. Read this.

    http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
     
  9. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Very few people are "committed" to an institution. It sounds to me as if your emotions are spiraling out of hand, and the lack of someone to talk to is playing tricks on you.

    Try calling some of the helpline numbers I've posted before. 1800-273-TALK is one of them.

    People and resources are available out there. Start talking. You're not going to be "locked away".
    It's just an anonymous phone call to start. You can do that. Pick it up and dial.
     
  10. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    Thanks, but I want to do a weekly treatment if possible. I've had some success with it before, but can't afford it now that I'm not insured, nor a student.

    Its not like I'm on the brink and need someone to talk me off the ledge. I just kina want my life back. I want to be able to think about things, and do things, without thinking "its not worth it, because everything is a waste of time."
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    They can refer you to services in your area. There are lots of free or low-cost options available to you.

    If you don't want to talk to a helpline and use them as a gateway, talk to your family doctor. Explain your financial circumstances and that you'd like to talk to a family therapist or counsellor.

    If you don't have a family doctor, call a free clinic or a hospital psychiatric intake department near you for help in finding a program that fits you.

    There's even more ways to get access to services, but I've given you three so far.



    NB even if you did have to pay, you'd be surprised how few sessions are actually required to start feeling a turnaround.

    It's like opening a doorway, until you actually EXPERIENCE it, it seems like nothing will ever change, things are always going to be the same, same old same old blah blah... You have to go experience it.

    Just thinking things over in your own head round and round...only makes everything worse.
    If you could've solved it purely on your own...you would've done it already.

    Go seek treatment. Good luck.
     
  12. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I guess I'll just call the local psych department...actually the local university for a suggestion. I think I've lived through more fucked up shit than most people, not as an excuse, but motivation to try to get back to a normal life.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Good idea. Good luck. things do get better.
     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Suicide is the WORST thing you can do in terms of hurting your family, its a no go zone to thrown in the towel looks like an easy way out, but its not the way to deal with problems.

    You definitly need to visit a counseller/psychiatrist, but i can imagine you don't like to put your life in someone elses hands either. http://www.books4selfhelp.com/suicide.htm you might want to get one of these helpfull books , before you are able to make that step towards a shrink, its a process of tackling your problems and reducing the weight from your shoulders.

    Hold on, even tho its hard redirect all of your energy into solving your problems one by one. Money is the big and private issue that not many people want to talk about ,we could try to make a schedule for you that could help you deal with your money issues. If you post your expenditures, income and debts we could all try to make a plan for you on how to deal with this horseshit so you can lead a happy life again while trying to stay out of trouble.
     
  15. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I have all my finances in order, and know what to do with them. However, I'm getting laid off any day now, and I've been told that it could be tomorrow for the last 3 months. Thats probably the major factor right now. I also have 2 BS degrees and can't seem to find any work doing anything aside from waiting tables. Thats the worst part. I was/am making great money, I'm just running out of work for myself.
     
  16. childofbean

    childofbean Green Member

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    I've gotten lots of help from going to a residential treatment center in the past when things were spiraling out of control.
    If you get to the point where you feel that you are not able to control your actions, I would consider getting help.

    It sounds like you just may need a break from "the real world" to work on some things for a while. :hs:
    I hate, hate, hate it when people refer to psychiatric hospitals as "crazy houses" or "mental institutions". They can actually be very beneficial for people; that is if they are actually willing to work on things.
     
  17. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Unless you're to the point where you are going to imminently kill yourself, as in, "I'm gonna do it tonight!" then nobody is going to bother you in the way you fear. They'll just try to help.
     
  18. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Man... weren't you alot happier when you worked at the bar?
     
  19. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Also losing a job is not losing your life.

    Look i've been laid off many many many times, when its unaviodable that you lose your job a LOT of stress comes with it, but your not handicapped or crippled , you only have to look up to see the light, and to understand YES i do have a future.

    You know an economy is an unstable phenomenon, so its nothing akward to get or lose a job many times after eachother,say to yourself 'so what' Its like this,if a boss wants to fire you he will fire you anyway. So you might as well not worry about it and just go for gold in your life. Its wrong to get a job and think it will last forever anyway. You don't have to go thru all this stress, if anything what reward has worrying ever given to you. ZERO, so if worrying is useless you might as well stop worrying making you have one thing less to worry about immediatly. Its pointless because you can't hold on onto anything in life, its like sand in your hand that slips away, but thats not the point you can make a strong decision by finding a new job already and apply at different places to eleviate yourself from the stress.
     
  20. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    fuck no. Its hard right now because I'm losing a job for reasons outside of my control, and because of this new legislation litterally 2200 people were just laid off in my field, and they are all looking for work. Since employment with the feds is NOT performance based, its very shitty when OPM looks at your resume and they know you did the same job your applying for very well, but they don't care and hire people with no experience or even any knowledge in the field.

    the weather is nice, so I'm going to drive up to possum kingdom lake for the 3 day weekend and cast a hook, cook the fish, eat it in the tent alone, and maybe regain my sense of self-worth. This may have been the hardest, most depressing week of my life. The job problem is compounded by my insane student loan payments.

    I'm now taking a double dosage of saint john's wort and fish oil. Maybe it will help.
     
  21. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Talk to your therapist about it ! They are trained to know how to deal with the situation and unless they think you'll act in less than 24h, they will help you, not put you in observation. There's a BIG difference between thinking about suicide as one of the many solutions and thinking about it as the only solution and that it has to be done today. As long as they're thoughts and not actions, they'll try to deal it by talking with you.
    Plus, as long as you withstand information to your therapist, they won't be really useful in helping you.
     
  22. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    suicidal thoughts arent crazy, it simply can be weighing your options. sounds like you are very self centered too, cuz im the same way. so desperate to control the uncontrolable that i have contemplated removing myself from life, taking control by proxy. Alas, that is a permanent result.

    i find taking time out to help people, anonymously, has helped me a great deal, and the thoughts are gone. Be it picking up trash as i see it, helping people at work with things i dont normaly do, etc, makes a great deal of difference.
     
  23. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Saint John's Wort is just a weak MAOI, a classification of anti-depressant. You need something stronger. Go to a fucking doctor. Quit your needless suffering already. Get help. Stop wasting your life.
     

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