SRS Is it possible to be friends!?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Cakayaka, Oct 15, 2007.

  1. Cakayaka

    Cakayaka New Member

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    I posted a little of my situation with my ex a while back. Anyways, we were together for 3 years, we broke up around 4th of July this past summer, 20 years old, we go to the same college, she has since gotten a new b/f. Now I tried to get back with her when we broke up and she said no, and has been seeing this guy basically since. After some weeks of emo ranting and fighting, and after realizing, YES she is going to date this guy even if she says she "isn't looking for anything serious..." So, I told her I would always care about her, but I couldn't talk to her again. It has been about a month or so since I have spoken a word to her. She called me once in this month and I ignored the phone call, I avoid mutual friends that are closer to her, cut her out of my life completely. Unfortunately, I really miss her, we were best friends and all that good stuff, so it sucks to not have her in my life at all. And on top of that, I feel like somehow I am being weak by not being able to talk to her. Am I doing the right thing by not talking to her? Or should I attempt to be her friend on the basis that life is too short... On top of that, can exes even have "real" friendships?? Like can exes even confide in each other like true friends without anything more?? Im confused. Help OT.
     
  2. 00600

    00600 New Member

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    She was seeing him before she broke up with you.

    You could still be friends, if you can put everything behind you, but why? Find someone else.
     
  3. Cakayaka

    Cakayaka New Member

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    Actually... I broke up with her... we did the on/off thing first half of the summer, then I realized I wanted to be with her and I wanted to really work at it, she said no. But, this new guy was like the catalyst for her to say no, in a manner of speaking. Like had I attempted to "make it work" a week before I did, she would of been all for it, but she met someone else and that was all she wrote, I guess. Not sure if it is because she is insecure and can't stand to be alone, or she just met him and is incredibly happy. Either way, I am torn about being her friend, she, at least in my opinion, didn't take the proper grace period before immediately jumping into another relationship, but I still miss her as a friend, but I think I still have feelings for her too. Like I said, I am super confused and torn.
     
  4. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    There is no grace period when you're the one that dumped her. As for being friends, can you handle seeing her making out or holding hands with another guy. If you can, be friends... but I see no reason keeping someone you're obviously attached to still on your contact list to be honest.
     
  5. porsch1909

    porsch1909 OT Supporter

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    In short.....no. It just won't work.

    I was really good friends with a girl once. We had a fling for about 3 weeks and then ended it. Things just aren't the same anymore and we just don't text or bebo or e-mail anymore. In fact I've deleted her number.

    Was the fling worth it? Was it fuck. I'd much rather have stayed friends with her than pretend to be rabbits for 3 weeks.

    The best you could probably hope for is to be civil with her. Text message her once in a while or leave a myspace comment every so often.
     
  6. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Ditto. I went out with a guy for almost 2 years. I broke up with him and that was that. We tried getting back together, but my heart wasn't in it anymore. To this day I don't know what would have happened if I gave it another try. I was VERY reluctant to stop talking to him. I wanted to be friends with him at all costs. But, it just didn't work. He was just short of hating me. And I was pissed off as hell at him for it. So, needless to say we're not friends right now nor do I think we will ever be friends (it's been more than a year since our break-up). We're civilized and acknowledge each other's presence and say hi in the very rare case we see each other, but that's about it. We don't keep in touch...and we're not on each other's myspace.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    No no no. You are doing the right thing by not talking to her. I get that you want her in your life, if not a relationship than as a friend. But it is apparent you are not even close to being over her, and you can't be friends with an ex unless you are both over each other and what happened. Wait a few months and when you stop thinking about her in that way see if she also feels the same. If that happens then you can slowly try being friends, or if not at least by then you've gotten over her and moved on.
     
  8. porsch1909

    porsch1909 OT Supporter

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    This girl turned uber-bitch on me after we broke up. Said we will obviously be friends. Then blocked me on msn (She forgot to block both my accounts though), stopped replying my texts, and deleted me off bebo. Without saying anything. Which I thought was completely immature.

    Then comes on msn one day and says this is the last time we are talking because if we keep talking 'it just won't work.' Then continues to say that we where never that close anyway. To which I felt like saying, if we where never that close....then why can't we be friends and what won't work?

    I don't think she really gets that I don't give a flying fuck if she doesn't want to talk. But I do give a fuck if she says we should talk and then ignores me....

    Sometimes I wonder if you females are worth it :mamoru:

    (Sorry for thread hijack lol)
     
  9. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    Ah forget it...just move on, she's out of your life.
     
  10. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    personally, i think you can if you've both moved on. really depends on whether or not you have feelings of attachment towards them or vice versa.

    AND- if you agree to be friends, sex shouldn't be a part of it. sex between friends almost never works (long term, anyway).
     
  11. Cakayaka

    Cakayaka New Member

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    Thanks for all the advice... to be honest, I don't think I'm ready to talk to her or see her with another guy so I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

    Excommunication ftw?!
     
  12. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    lol, well yeah, the prob with us was that we still cared about each other, but I just didn't want a relationship with him anymore, even if I did still have feelings for him. He hurt me. But, yeah we were both very clear that we didn't wanna talk anymore. Things just got ugly when we talked.
     

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