SRS Is it OK for your sig. other to still have good relations with ex?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ady2glude707, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    Would you like it if your significant other still had good relations and still hung out with their ex (occassionally)? The girl I am seeing now has a kid with her ex. I know she needs to see the ex. occassionally to get money for the kid, help out with the kid etc. My question is, is it okay for them to hang out with each other, say to a club/bar? I dont know if I am jealous or what but I yelled at her 3 months ago when she told me she hung out with him at a club one night. My friends tell me not to be jealous and so insecure. What are your general thoughts on your sig other seeing their ex's?
     
  2. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Do you feel that she is being straight up with you? Dealing with the kid and the dad is going to be tough, but if you trust her I dont see why you would yell at her. But if you feel shes running around on you drop her and quick.
     
  3. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    Yes i do feel shes being honest with me. I yelled at her because she went out with him to a club and didnt even tell me, she told me the day after. She didnt even ask me if it was cool for her to go out with him. I dont know, I might just be too jealous.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Let's start off by saying you 'yelling' at her isn't going to help your relationship.
    I think it's wonderful that she has a good relationship with her ex, but IMO there have to be boundaries, honesty and trust in your own relationship first. Do you have that?
     
  5. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    Yes WE do. Ive been told by my friends to not show jealousy, and they also told me that was a bad move on my part because girls dont like insecurity. I also think that once your are an EX with a person, a lot or all of the relationship with the ex should stop completly. But in my case it cant be (when it deals with the child). But going clubbing and maybe talking on the phone to see how the EX is doing, is overboard for me. I guess I am just too jealous GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

    Why do you think its wonderful? Me, I would like her to have compete closure with the ex (I would only want him to be there for his child) I want him out of the picture.
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    How long have the two of you been together?
    IMO it's overboard, but unless you have a really serious relationship it isn't neccesarily your place to put a halt on it.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    1) they have a kid together. They will need to co-parent properly. That means contact is necessary.

    2) it's not really the amount of time, its the quality of interaction. Going clubbing and barhopping together WITHOUT YOU, is something I find a little odd. Do you think they would mind if you went along? If your answer is yes, then don't you wonder why?

    As for talking on the phone, that's ok, again, inquiring how the ex is doing is somewhat normal. But I am wondering at what other conversation is happening.

    Have you discussed your feelings with your SO? Wanting to maintain normal relations with an ex, esp. where a child is involved is good. But wanting to be too friendly, esp. at the cost of YOUR relationship is not normal.

    More information is needed to determine if your SO is crossing the line, or if it's just you being too jealous and letting your mind run away from you.
     
  8. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    Whats overboard? Them hanging out together, or my jealousy?
     
  9. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    relations

    ANSWERS IN RED ^^^
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2006
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Both. I completely agree with Johan's post.

    edit: WTF, their FUTURE together? Are you sure they're split up?
    Again, how long have the two of you been together?
     
  11. ady2glude707

    ady2glude707 New Member

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    HAHA No i meant hes always trying to convince her that he wants a future with her(he used to beat and cheat on her) and he tries to get back together with her, she tells me she doesnt want to. Ive known her since last June. Weve been dating on and off since last december. Thanks a lot everyone, its relieving my stress.
     
  12. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    I agree with Johan's post as well.

    He's clearly interested in trying to get back into a relationship with her, especially since you said he doesn't want you with them if they go clubbing.

    That's too much, and you should talk with her about it. Discussion, not yelling.
     
  13. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I agree with Johan's sentiments. My only input is this:

    Keep in mind if it really works out for the long-haul between you two, contact with her EX in one form or another is unavoidable for the rest of your life because of their child.

    You need to come to a resolution on how any one of you is going to handle this situation as soon as possible....or you face years of this torture and jealousy. If you and her EX are always going to be at odds with each other forever, SOMEone stands to become the victim at some point.
     
  14. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I t hink you should give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt and put faith in her ability to make decisions. if she is in love with you and she repeateldy says she does not want to get back together with him, then take her at her word but I would let her know that you do not feel comfortable with her going out on "outings" with him. I don't know if I would want to be friendly with someone who used to beat on me. I know they have to be adults for their child they have together, but it is a little odd that after an abused relationship, she is so willing to go out with the guy. I don't know. Maybe she feels sorry for him and feels like it is best to go along and try to be friends than to reject all of his advances and start even more drama? Maybe she's scared he will become a loose cannon again?
     
  15. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    NO! This is of course my own personal opinion, and my current girlfriend feels the same way. Both of us regard this as crossing the line and totally unneccessary. Now, since she has a kid with him, they do need to have some relation, but going to clubs and bars without you? NO WAY. I regard that as total disrespect, and would dump a girl if she did this stuff.
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That is VERY disrespectful IMO. NO you are not too jealous. It isn't about jealousy. It's about disrespect. She didn't even care about your opinion enough to ask you or tell you. Personally, if she has done this more than once and knows you do not approve, I would drop her like a bad habit. There is no way I am letting a significant other toy with me and make me look like a fool. I would never do this to someone so neither will I allow it to happen to me.
     
  17. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    This part, I kind of disagree with because I think it's very important (personally) for a child to have BOTH parents present for him/her at least sometimes, if at all possible. If they can get along with fighting and keep the focus on their child, I think both parents should both do things at the same time with their child from time to time. Touchy subject, though.

    And THIS, tells me that something is not right with them being together alone. Even if SHE is not trying to start something up again with him, it sounds like maybe he is. So that makes it weird.... I do think you should trust her if you feel like she is being true to you. It's a tough call though. I can see why you'd have frustration over it.
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    The only way I would put up with it is if it's in a group setting and I was there to. There's definately no need for them to be hanging out alone.

    In your case, she shouldn't be hanging out with him except when it has to do with the kid. She's got problems if she wants to be friends with someone who beated her and cheated on her. Not only that but she is being completely disrespectful of your relationship by hanging out with him when she knows how he feels about her. If she cared about your relationship at all she wouldn't be going out alone with him.
     
  19. gsxec

    gsxec New Member

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    You have to be prepared for situations like these before you enter a relationship with kids.
     

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