SRS Is it just me, or is it normal to always feel nervous around anyone.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by RollinDollos, Oct 16, 2008.

  1. RollinDollos

    RollinDollos Guest

    I feel as if some of you guys might be able to relate to this.

    Its like sometimes I'll have times when I'm afraid to talk to anyone because they will judge me and even when I force myself to talk to them I feel as if I'm not myself. I'll sometimes be afraid to talk to my own parents because they will judge me or I won't be up to their standards. Ive felt like this all day and I force my self to talk to people when my mind is telling me to just say "Go the fuck away I can't talk to you right now because my mind is not in the right place and you are going to think I'm boring or weird". I will avoid my phone for days at a time because of this. Like right now I've been procrastinating to go to the gym because people I know go around this time and I'm absolutely terrified to talk to them right now. Sometimes making eye contact is actually painful to do but I force my self to do it anyways. I always have little self-conscious thought in my head, like "is she looking at me?", "Do they think the way I walk is weird?". Ive never came out with stuff like this any one because I'm afraid of looking like a pussy. I feel way bottled up.

    But then sometimes I'll feel amazing and want to talk to everyone. I just feel like I limit my true potential. I make all my friends around this time and make plans and everything but then I realize that I'm probably going to feel like shit again and want to tell everyone to fuck off again so I try to contain my self. Like I have this glass ceiling that I know what I want but I just can't bring my mind to get me there. I try and figure out what triggers this and I can't, some times I think its self confidence issues and when a girl acts nervous around me it boosts me up. Sometimes I think its my sinuses or overtraining in the gym.

    As bad as it hurts me to admit it, I think I'm a manic depressant.

    The past couple months Ive been contemplating seeing a shrink but I just can't bring myself to be that self-degrading. Its like I get the thought of people looking at me in the therapists lobby and think "Look at that guy, all those expensive clothes and muscles yet hes a fucking wuss for being here". Ive come to the conclusion that my conscious compass is severely fucked up and I'm not quite sure when people are thinking bad thoughts about me are false or real. All I want to do is be able to feel comfortable around my own family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 16, 2008
  2. RollinDollos

    RollinDollos Guest

    Well I just smoked a cigar like a fucking boss watching movies in my jacuzzi. I'm starting over tommorrow and I'm just going to be my mother fucking gangster ass self.

    Its exactly all this fucking faggot self loathing that I'm doing that is bringing me down when I have girls blowing up my fucking phone and I'm not picking up because "I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing". Fuck that.

    Lick my ass everybody, I'm going out on top.
     
  3. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Doesn't sound to me like you have bipolar disorder. Have you pretty much had a hard time being around people because of your fear of being judge?
    How do you feel in your close relationships (friends, girlfriends)?
     
  4. RollinDollos

    RollinDollos Guest


    Well I've had bestfriends ever since I was a young lad so maybe thats the problem. I always had someone I would go to but as a kid I would lie about everything and even through high school some. I figured since I had nothing to talk about I would lie about stuff to get other peoples approval but as I got older I figured this wasn't the way to get friends at all.

    As of right now it just feels extremely awkward to be around my best-friend but at the same time we kind of say we are best friends just to say that. I honestly deep down inside want to just get him the fuck out of my life but for some reason I still am attached to him no matter what, every conversation Ive had with him is extremely weird and boring and I find myself talking just to talk.

    Girls I can make good friends with but then I never pursue the friendship because I feel as if they are going to find out that I'm really actually boring and have nothing to talk about so I pretend like I don't want to talk to them and for some odd reason this just makes them want to talk to me more. I hate it when I girl tells me that she loves me or gives me a compliment because as stupid as it sounds I feel extremely vulnerable.

    Also the majority of the time I feel as if girls only like me for good looks and style rather then the real me. I feel as if no one on earth knows the real me and it makes me feel extremely lonely.
     
  5. cctyler

    cctyler Mornin'

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    I can relate to bits and pieces of your posts.

    I would start seeing a therapist asap, it really can do wonders.
     
  6. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I hope you get that because you think you're not worth it, you present yourself as someone you're not really and thus people don't really get to know you.

    I think you should see a psychologist though. My uneducated guess would be something along the lines of an avoidant personality disorder : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder
    But yeah, see someone, you'd benefit from it.
     

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