I feel as if some of you guys might be able to relate to this. Its like sometimes I'll have times when I'm afraid to talk to anyone because they will judge me and even when I force myself to talk to them I feel as if I'm not myself. I'll sometimes be afraid to talk to my own parents because they will judge me or I won't be up to their standards. Ive felt like this all day and I force my self to talk to people when my mind is telling me to just say "Go the fuck away I can't talk to you right now because my mind is not in the right place and you are going to think I'm boring or weird". I will avoid my phone for days at a time because of this. Like right now I've been procrastinating to go to the gym because people I know go around this time and I'm absolutely terrified to talk to them right now. Sometimes making eye contact is actually painful to do but I force my self to do it anyways. I always have little self-conscious thought in my head, like "is she looking at me?", "Do they think the way I walk is weird?". Ive never came out with stuff like this any one because I'm afraid of looking like a pussy. I feel way bottled up. But then sometimes I'll feel amazing and want to talk to everyone. I just feel like I limit my true potential. I make all my friends around this time and make plans and everything but then I realize that I'm probably going to feel like shit again and want to tell everyone to fuck off again so I try to contain my self. Like I have this glass ceiling that I know what I want but I just can't bring my mind to get me there. I try and figure out what triggers this and I can't, some times I think its self confidence issues and when a girl acts nervous around me it boosts me up. Sometimes I think its my sinuses or overtraining in the gym. As bad as it hurts me to admit it, I think I'm a manic depressant. The past couple months Ive been contemplating seeing a shrink but I just can't bring myself to be that self-degrading. Its like I get the thought of people looking at me in the therapists lobby and think "Look at that guy, all those expensive clothes and muscles yet hes a fucking wuss for being here". Ive come to the conclusion that my conscious compass is severely fucked up and I'm not quite sure when people are thinking bad thoughts about me are false or real. All I want to do is be able to feel comfortable around my own family at Thanksgiving and Christmas time.