SRS is it ever possible to forgive a g/f that cheated?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Derek, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. Derek

    Derek OT Supporter

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    I'll try to make this as short as possible. I was with the same girl for almost 3 years and we did it all, bought a house together, spent every day together, talked about marriage, ect. Well, her ex b/f came to visit for a few weeks because he's in the military. I had my suspicions because I found some email written between them but she swore they were nothing but friends, and I trusted her for some reason. Well, while he was in town, she started acting really strange, hanging out with 'friends from work' (him), but I had no proof of anything happening. He then left to go back to the military base, and she went back to being her normal self. Then... the topic of marriage came up again and she was very persistent on wanting to get married. I thought she was being sincere, and we even told my family about our future plans. The VERY NEXT DAY, she was talking to the ex online, and I went back and read everything that was said, and that's when it hit me. She had slept with him and was with him every night she wasn't with me.

    I even talked to him online, and it turned out that she told him that she was single. So she lied to us both and figured that neither of us would find out about the other. I was hurt, sad, but mostly angry that she'd pull something like this. I got all my stuff out of her apartment, and decided it would be best to cut all ties with her. Well, it didn't last long, after about a week, we were talking again, and then hanging out again. But I couldn't even walk into her bedroom knowing what happened in there. I was trying my hardest to forgive her, but I'm really starting to think that it's impossible. Tonight is what pushed me to write this and ask for advice. I got out of class, and called her phone because she wanted to hang out. Well, she told me her 'friend' was over and that she would call me later. So I went over to her apartment anyway and sure enough, it was a guy she works with that calls her all the time. I knocked on the door, she got pissed, let me inside, and he got up and left because I made him feel uncomfortable. Well, I left shortly after because she was pissed off, and instead of driving home, I sat in the parking lot and waited about 20 minutes, and sure enough, her 'friend' came driving back into the parking lot and went into her apartment. I called her, told her I wasn't going to let her do this shit to me again, and said to never call or write me again, because she fucked up again, and I don't need someone like her in my life.

    I just don't know what to think. Part of me will always love her, especially after 3 years. But I can't keep putting myself through this day after day. I wish it was easy to forgive and gain that trust back, but so far it's only gotten worse. Anybody have any advice on what to do in this situation? Anybody ever tried to work things out with a s.o. after they betrayed your trust and cheated on you? :hs: :hs: :hs:
     
  2. Holiday

    Holiday Switching to Runlevel 0

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    if this happened in 3 years imagine what will happen in 30 if you marry her and have kids with her...



    my father cheated on my mother months after they got married and she forgave him because she was pregnant. 5 years later she finds out she finds out he has a son she didnt know about. 10 years later she finds him with the same woman as before and 5 years ago (30 years total) she found him sleeping with her again. She lost 30 pounds, developed a multitude of stress related disorders and almost lost her career of 26 years.


    Thank about it
     
  3. Askesis

    Askesis New Member

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    It will be EXTREMELY hard, but no, you CANNOT forgive her.

    Actually, I'll clarify. You may eventually be able to FORGIVE her, but you should NEVER be with her ever again, no matter how much you love her or how much she please and promises never to do it again. She cheated once, and it's very probable she would do it again. Why spend your entire life worrying? It's obvious that you can never trust her again (and with good reason), and if you don't have trust, there cannot be a good relationship
     
  4. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    If it was me personally.. this isn't the type of person I COULD EVER forgive. She has fucked up to much and I would completely cut ties with her and tell her to fuck off. Serious..
     
  5. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    QFT. Forgive her, but no second chance. Have enough self respect to move on and find someone who wants to be with you so badly that she would never consider cheating.
     
  6. Derek

    Derek OT Supporter

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    Thanks for the advice, I knew what you're answers would be, I guess I just needed to hear it from somebody other than myself or my friends. It's going to be rough for a little while, but I'll end up stronger in the end. :hs:
     
  7. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    if you discovered her cheating with her ex and then now with another co-worker only within the last month or so what else has she successfully kept hidden from you over the past 3 years? Think of that whenever you consider "forgiving" her. There may be much more that you do not and probably will never find out.
     
  8. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

  9. lebomb

    lebomb New Member

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    I had suspicions of my EX wife fooling around..........come to find out after our divorce that she was seeing a guy for awhile. Ive been remarried now for 3yrs and my EX is still dating the so called "friend" she had back then.

    In my book, its one strike and you are out. The trust in the relationship is broken period and things would never be the same.

    Move on man.......its for the best.
     
  10. Ticallion

    Ticallion OT Supporter

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    DO NOT forgive her. She is obviously showing NO remorse for her actions, and her behaviour will NOT change.

    Kick her to the curb, and pat yourself on the back.
     
  11. Mangos

    Mangos New Member

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    What a lying, cheating whore.
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    OMG is there any question here? This girl is extremely selfish, a cheat, and a liar. You would be one pathetic piece of shit to take her back. She will ALWAYS be a lying cheater and you will ALWAYS have to deal with it. What happened isn't your fault, it's hers. You should not forgive her and you should not take her back. I seriously hope you never take her back. If you do, then you deserve all the shit that happens to you.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I apologize for being harsh, but sometimes a harsh look at things is what it takes.
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I disagree completely. It will be extremely hard,but it is possible to forgive. You may never forget though ;)
    It will take years to get over.
    You CAN trust again ;) BUT it all depends on her.
     
  15. car ramrod

    car ramrod I'm all highway

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    :ughug: Although its painful to say and deal with, you're right. She's fucking up and you're being strong. I've dealt with the same thing at a much lesser degree, but I feel for ya. You have to keep reminding yourself that you can do better than her. The last thing you need in your life is to constantly worry about what your girl is always up to. It'll eat you up.

    I guess if there's anything positive out of the whole thing, you found out when she was your g/f and not your wife.
     
  16. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    She's using you for security. Think about it - she wants to get married why? So that she'll have a house. So that her expenses are lower. So that there's someone to shower affection on her. So that she'll have a guaranteed date for anything she wants to go to. So that she'll have a warm body when she can't find a lust object. So that she gets half if you decide to split... the list goes on.

    Kick her to the curb and let her figure shit out on her own. Simply put, you deserve better treatment than that: she doesn't respect you or she would have been up-front about her intentions. Change your locks, and block her numbers.
     
  17. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    If it's this easy for her to cheat when you two are virtually free of responsibility, what will happen when all the drama of family and finances come into play. Besides, you know that she has destroyed trust in the relationship.
     
  18. Jake!

    Jake! Guest

    I'm sure it has been said, but- no, I would not forgive her and would never go back to her. (I'm not too wordy tonight)
     
  19. Carl Brutananadilewski

    Carl Brutananadilewski Active Member

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    Nope. Not to re-hash everything here, but this happened to me, and it won't ever happen again. Unfortunately for me, things are a little more complicated because we are married :sad2:
     
  20. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You may be able to but it's not worth it. You will NEVER get that out of your mind. Anytime you have a fight or she does something a little out of the ordinary you will become suspicious and wonder if she's doing it again. I made that mistake once when I was young and dumb and of course he ended up cheating on me again.
     
  21. ballistic

    ballistic I dunno, play chess...screw?

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    Keep you head up, bro...If you need a drinking buddy some night, let me know.
     
  22. V!

    V! New Member

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    This is really late, but I just want to make sure you haven't forgiven her

    She knew what she was doing and she put effort into it

    Maybe if she was drunk and it was a simple kiss, but not sober and methodically lying about it
     
  23. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    Time heals. The problem is that even if you forgive her (it depends on your personality, I don't know you), you'll never be able to forget. You'll have to live with it (in pain) for the rest of your life. I'm speaking from personal experience.
    It's like a plate, you break it but then glue it back together. It's fixed and in one piece, but it's not the same.
     

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