Is it cheating?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Dont Go Away, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. Dont Go Away

    Dont Go Away New Member

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    Ok, so I am a little bi-curious...

    I feel that I need to find out if I am straight, bi, or whatever. I think I need to try something, even if just once to figure it out. I've been with my boyfriend for slightly over a year and a half and this comes up quite often. He feels that if anything were to happen with another girl, he'd consider it cheating. He thinks that it's the same as doing something with a guy, which I disagree with. He's also said that if I were to do something like that, he'd break up with me.

    Who's in the wrong?
     
  2. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Personally I think doing anything sexual in nature be it with a man or woman while in a commited relationship is cheating.

    Especially seeing how he feels about it.

    Perhaps it would be best to hold off on finding out or cut him loose to do your experimenting.

    Just my opinion though ...

    EDIT: then again I know everything isn't always so cut and dry. Fairness comes into play here. I agree that you need to take the time to figure out your orientation, but at the same time you need to be fair to your guy and repsect that fact that he considers it cheating.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2005
  3. Hunter Michaels

    Hunter Michaels The Real American Gigolo

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    This issue is pretty subjective, and it really depends on the people and their feelings. Some guys wouldn't consider it cheating whereas some would. If the groundrules are set and you go against them to me that is cheating.

    In this case you owe it to yourself to discover who you are, and if you don't it will eventually come to a head. So no one is necesarily in the wrong, but obviously you and your bf are at an impasse. If he truly cares for you then he would understand your need to figure out who you are, since ultimately your relationship hangs in the balance.
     
  4. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Completely subjective. Just because you might not feel something is cheating, doesn't mean your partner has to feel the same way.
    Any good relationship needs communication.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    he should be all for this. :ugh: it sounds like he has some issues with insecurity. tell him that it is not because he doesn't satisfy you.
     
  6. crod242

    crod242 New Member

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    does he think it's still cheating even if he's allowed to watch or just if you go behind his back with another girl?
     
  7. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    yeah would it be cheating if he told you he might want to sleep with another girl just to make sure that isn't what he wants? Remember what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Not to mention since he says he would consider it cheating that right there is the only real opinion that matters at this time. You know how he feels and what the consequences for your actions may be, so take your chance and see what happens if you feel that strongly about it.
     
  8. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    why? to some people sexual things are more than just for physical pleasure. Most people in mature relationships dont want anyone else pleasing thier SO no matter what the gender.

    I said most, some couples are fine with someone else being a sexual partner in the relationship.

    To the thread starter: If he says its cheating, then it is. You are with him, not all of us. There is no actual answer, each person and or couple is going to have a different response to letting someone else into thier sexual relaitonships...
     
  9. Ryuhei

    Ryuhei Oh gawd

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    Everyone will feel differently about this but I agree with the boyfriend. If my wife sexualized another woman I would consider it cheating. HOWEVER, if I weren't married and I was dating a person who wanted to essplore I would not discourage it. I just wouldn't take part.
     
  10. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    It is cheating. If you are bi you don't really look at men vs. women. You look at the person. And you sleeping with another PERSON would be considered cheating ;) Sorry, but it is. If he will not give you permission though, then he is repressing your sexuality and I think you need to experience this to know for sure for your self. Just to let you know though, a relationship wit a girl is NOT all that is is cracked up to be, it has just as many if not more problems as with a guy.
     
  11. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    I agree.

    I don't agree, simply because of your first statement. This would be like her saying to him "I'd like to sleep with John, to make sure that I don't want to be with him". The gender of the partners involved is irrelevant. This is about being with someone in a way that only a commited couple should be.

    I too would break up with a GF that had a sexual experiance with another woman, after we were together. I consider it cheating. Yeah I'm very monogamous in my relationships, maybe a little too much sometimes.

    This also why I'll never get involved with someone that is bi-sexual. I don't have the right parts to please all of her urges, so I won't put myself in a situation where she's going to cheat on me and be hurt by it.
     
  12. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    I see what you mean. I was moreso referring to her having to live her life with the regret with not trying things with a woman to satisfy her curiosity. I would grow to resent my husband/ boyfriend if they were strongly against my wanting to experience all I can.

    I am guessing this girl is young, and this is a man she is serious with and possibly thinkink of a future. I wouldn't get any deeper into anything like that unless I had all my feelings "straight" ha ha no pun intended :mamoru:

    Also one things she needs to keep in mind is that there are not many women out there, bi or lesbian, that would be willing to just fuck someone to show her how it feels. Women are different creatures, and unlike a man that you can hook up with in a night women take more work than that. It is always more of a relationship type of thing... unfortunately... meh :hsd:
     
  13. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Yeah sounds like she's younger, maybe early 20s?

    If a GF of mine were to resent me for not "allowing" her to experiance another woman, that again is another reason I would break it off with her, or never get involved with her in the first place. To me it's like asking permission to fuck my best friend, or any random guy, and resenting me for not "allowing" it. Sorry, but I see a monogamous relationship as that, foresaking all others, yes even before being married. :mamoru:

    On the flip side, could I be upset or resent my GFs wishes for me not to sleep with someone else (male or female), while we are together? No, that would just be selfish.

    But like many men, there are lesbians that want to just have no strings encounters, just harder to find.
     
  14. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    Hmmm, you got any numbers?? LOL, that is what I am currently looking for and have managed to break 2 hearts in the process. But to avoid a thread jack I am going to bow out now, lol.
     
  15. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    I dont think it's a matter of right or wrong.

    Your bf isnt comfortable with it, and feels it's cheating. He's allowed to feel this way, the same as if he were to believe in a religion you dont.

    You're also allowed to feel the way you do.

    You need to decide which is more important to you, your boyfriend's feelings, or your need to experiment and know who you are.
     
  16. JohNny T

    JohNny T Guest

    I would consider it cheating.... anything having to do with a sexual act is cheating while you are with someone else... you could have a 3 sum and see if you like doing stuff with chicks....no offense
     
  17. Penny1484

    Penny1484 cute but kind of evil

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    anything that you would not do if the other person was there, is cheating.
     
  18. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    that is BULLSHIT.. guys/girls whatever if you are bi its the same thing, same emotional attachment. Why do people always feel the need to put a stipulation on love.. like you did in the bolded. Nobody ever lets the one they care about go... thats the stupidest thing ive heard of.. unless there is some major problem in the relationship.
     
  19. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    My thoughts exactly.
     
  20. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    :werd:

    :bigthumb: Well said!
     
  21. sipherx

    sipherx Jamesl.info

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    I say let him go for a while until you figure what you want. But there is no guarantee that he will be there waiting for you if you decide you are straight or whatever it is.

    And also just my opinion most girls who think they are bi, really just like to feel more sexy with another girl, and they know the other girl knows whats gonna feel best since they are both women. My opinion is your probably not really bi at all, your probably just looking to find some other type of sexual excitement that you arent getting with your current relationship. If your b/f doesnt mind having a threesome then do that instead. It might perk up your sexual experience.

    oh and just for the record, usually when guys like to do stuff with other guys, then they are, really gay or bi. Guys usually dont do that kinda stuff unless they are really serious about it. And if that sounded bias or rude, I didnt mean for it to be. One of my best friends turned out to be gay, and we are still great friends. Gay people IMO are the funniest around.

    And also its considered cheating no matter what sex.
     
  22. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    one of my ex's was the same exact way, she did it anyway so i dumped her slut ass.
     
  23. Inthemidstofinsanity

    Inthemidstofinsanity New Member

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    it's cheating; sex is sex no matter who with and especially if he doesn't like it, you should respect his feelings.
     
  24. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    Who's in the wrong...?

    Basically I feel the same. He laid the ground rules. If he's not ok with it, then you can't change that. Doesn't mean its wrong at all. Thats what he's comfortable and ok with. If you deviate from it... then I feel you are in the wrong.

    You have a choice. You can break up with him and do your experimenting... or you can choose to stay with him and be committed. You will not be helping your relationship by any means if you turn your back on it and mess around with someone... (anyone) else. Whats the point in staying with him if you don't care enough about how he feels? We can't change it and you can't change it. A relationship takes two people to make it work. If you aren't willing to accept how he feels about it...then let him move on. Don't hurt him and hold him back because you want it all.
     
  25. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    if both partners are fine with it, then it's not cheating. he's not fine, therefore if you do it YOU are in the wrong. if you really wanna go out and explore then break up with him and go out on ur own.
     

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