SRS is college supposed to be like this?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by nvrmndtheruins, Jan 23, 2010.

  1. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    Hey all, I don't think I've ever posted a serious thread but maybe it's about time.

    I'm a 20 year old student. In my last year of college (AS). I work my ass of and do very well at school. But, I have no social life at school to speak of. I have tried to meet people, get dates, things of that nature to no avail.

    At school I live in an apartment alone, and spend pretty much all of my time locked away from everyone because after I am here for a few days in a row I become kind of ashamed of myself and get very angry and depressed.

    I go to school a few hours from home. I go back home whenever I can. It's like I lead two separate lives. Back home I have plenty of friends; I seem to do fairly well with the opposite sex, and I'm always meeting new people.

    Has anybody else ever been in a situation like this? Any advice has to be better then the advice from my friends and family. Family says to join a frat (but I am sickened by just the idea of me being one of those guys). Friends tell me to just meet people, as if I have never thought of this myself.
     
  2. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    woah dude, you may wanna look into the rules on bad fellowship :nono:. Also the rules on replying in a malicious manor. There is a whole separate board to be an asshole on.
     
  3. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Sounds like me through most of college so far. I'm in my Junior year and I'm just know figuring out how to socialize in college.

    The whole "having two lives" thing is exactly what I experienced. The problem of it is that you allow these "two lives" to develop to begin with. You already have your established social life and you're being thrusted into another. Naturally you feel a bit out of your element. Afterall, most of the other students at college have moved away from home and left their old social lives behind, so for them their college social life IS their social life.

    I know for a long time I felt the same way. I felt so uncomfortable at college that I basically isolated myself as much as possible. I would basically head straight for class. Between classes I would go to the 4th floor of the library where almost nobody goes. Then book it to my next class. Then booked it out of there and headed straight home. Shit even if I had just 20 minutes to kill waiting for a class I wouldn't try to be social. Instead I'd go to the bathroom and just sit in the stall.

    What I did was force myself out of my comfort zone. Sort of became a "Yes Man". Joined a few clubs. Everytime there was an announcement about some on campus event I just agreed to do it, even if it seemed boring or seemed like something I'd have no interest in. Yes, it was uncomfortable as hell at first, but I started making friends, started getting invited to parties and whatnot. Then I sort of combined both circle of friends. Brought friends I already had to college parties. Brought college friends to parties of my own. That pretty much eliminated the "two lives".

    Also as far as frats, do your research. Not all are the stereotypical ones. Some are pretty awesome.

    Cliffs:

    Step 1: Force yourself out of your comfort zone
    Step 2: Establish college social life
    Step 3: Combine into one single social life
    Step 4: ????
    Step 5: PROFIT
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2010
  4. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    Good to know i'm not the only one, I tried going out abit and things like that a few months ago. I went to a couple of clubs with a girl I had a class with last year. I hated it, Not my scene at all. But maybe ill look into some of the clubs/groups. For the frats there isnt many here, none of them seemed to be anything more then a group of guys who just get drunk every night.
     
  5. Noel

    Noel New Member

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    How were they not your scene? Did you not like the other people?

    ...Or was it really a matter of you just convincing yourself that it wasn't your scene? Thats kind of what it sounds like to me.

    Clubs/Volunteering/Intramural sports at the university level is nothing more than socializing. It's just an excuse for people with even remotely similar interests to meet and do stuff. However, theres that old college cliche of "you get what you put in". You've gotta put consistent effort into socializing in order for it to be what you want it to be.

    I knew a lot of people in college that became stuck in their "too cool for school" attitudes, never made an effort to meet new people, always thought participating in any kind of school event was lame, etc. They did not have good college experiences and have no one to blame but themselves.

    Don't miss out on your chance too
     
  6. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Yeah, throughout this sort of thing you will get a feel for what you like and don't like. You will be putting yourself in uncomfortable situations but it's up to you to figure out if you're giving something a fair chance or not. You may just not like clubs, nothing wrong with that, there are alot of people who don't like clubs who have great social lives. I know I hated clubs the first few times I went out, but I gave it a chance and actually had fun with it.

    Definitly give school clubs/groups/intramural sports a chance a chance. But keep in mind that you get what you put in, so you do have to put in an effort to be social. You can't expect everyone else to make the effort for you.

    As far as the frats, the stereotype of the group of stupid drunks is largly true, but there are exceptions. I've never been in a frat but I know guys who are in them and they don't just have keggers all the time. I know one of the frats paintballs regularly. They do drink but only as much as any typical college student, not frat-level drinking.
     
  7. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    in addition to what was already said, go party :dunno:

    maybe invite soem of your friends from back home to stay for a weekend and take em to parties or just around and meet people
     
  8. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    I wasn't my scene as in, loud hiphop music, grinding, not actually getting to know people in anyway shape or form. Seems like the clubs are only good for like one night stands.
     
  9. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    I never really joined any of the clubs, I looked into a few when i first got here, only one really seemed to hit on my interests, I went to one meeting and it wasn't what it seemed like it was supposed to be, so I never went back.


    I think part of it may be that i don't fit in with the people in my major, which is who i am around 90% of the time.


    Im a computer technology major. All the people in my major are into like aniami (however you spell it), magic cards, world of warcraft, hell even pokemon.
     
  10. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    I invite my friends up from time to time, but they all work full time or go to school themselves, so it never really works out.
     
  11. 2397

    2397 OT Supporter

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    My first year of college was pretty pathetic. I really only hung out with classmates occasionally after class and one of my roommates and her friends beyond that. When I went home to visit family, I was often just as lonely because I had no desire to stay in touch with people from high school (very few exceptions).

    It wasn't until I started taking classes for my major that I just sort of 'fell' into a large group of friends (some closer than others). I'm generally pretty shy, but I took the initiative a few times to talk to some of my classmates about tests or other course-related things. There were also more gregarious students who basically invited me into their discussions, which resulted in several friendships. Recently we formed a student organization related to our major and have arranged numerous club events since then to meet other students.

    I think the fact that we all had similar interests and were all a bit quirky made it easier to get to know one another on a more personal level. If you can find an organization related to one of your interests or a cause you're passionate about, try joining it. You might find it easier to start talking to people there than in the classes you're taking for your AS. At club meetings, especially smaller ones, people are interested in knowing about their new members -- they might even have you introduce yourself to the others. Something in your introduction (especially if it's related to the club's identity) might stir conversation... you never really know until you try.
     
  12. 2397

    2397 OT Supporter

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    Oops. I didn't see this and I have a feeling my previous post may not be very helpful. I do find it hard to believe that ALL of the people in your major are into those things and share none of your interests. However, if you really don't feel there are potential friendships to be made there, I would suggest looking for organizations related to interests outside your major and if there aren't any on campus, look for them off campus. Maybe there are some community events or clubs you can attend in the surrounding area.

    I also want to add that locking yourself up in your room is probably not helping you at all. It will not only not keep the feelings of shame away (it will likely exacerbate them), but it will also decrease your chances for any kind of serendipity! Attend talks on campus, walk around outside if it's pleasant enough -- maybe someone will start chatting with you or maybe you'll find yourself compelled to initiate a conversation yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2010
  13. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    When its nice out I wander around the city, sometimes I met random people, usually they were looking for drugs haha. once the weather gets nice again ill be more likely to spend time out around downtown/campus area.

    I try not to lock myself away in my apartment, but thats usually how it works out. From time to time ill call some of the people i know out here, usually they give me some excuse as to why they don't wanna hang out. Saying things such as having to much school work to do, I think they forget and/or dont care that 20 mins later they post on facebook that their going out somewhere or something
     
  14. 2397

    2397 OT Supporter

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    I know how it feels, I think. During my first year, there were a couple friends from my hometown that I did try to keep in touch with only because I had no friends here. I'd call one from time to time and she'd update me on her life mostly or she'd call me at random hours drunk or high (thinking I was the only loser she knew who'd be up). She'd mentioned possibly coming down here with friends and wanting to hang out, but it never happened. I hung out with her a few times back home, but found that I wasn't very interested in trying to maintain the friendship either... so we drifted apart.

    I had to give up on trying to salvage friendships that were already waning before college. (There are a few others who I haven't so much given up on but just rarely get around to seeing due to schedule conflicts.)

    I was very depressed my freshman year, especially after admitting to myself that I was basically friendless. You might be better off than I was, since you can still go home and hang out with people you like. :hs:

    Sophomore year I moved into an apartment with another girl I'd never met but she ended up being way cooler than my previous roomies (we still live together). I hung out with her from time to time and we would get drunk together and all, but I was still pretty lonely. I resolved to just get out more, even if I had to do things alone. I forced myself, despite my sometimes paralyzing anxiety, to attend talks or club meetings that looked interesting to me, to eat at all the different restaurants on campus, to wander around every building -- even the engineering ones I had no reason to be in. I just wanted to be outside of my apartment. It definitely helped. I think most of my early friendships were the result of random encounters. Since then, as I said, I've met many more in my major.
     
  15. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    Exactly, I want to go out and meet people, But I dont want to go out alone. So its a Catch-22. I am very glad I at least can go home from time to time and have a normal social life for a few days. Its all that really keeps me sane at this point really.

    I think at this point im being even more reluctant because I graduate at the end of this year. And on one hand Im asking myself why make friends to not see then anymore in a few months, but at the same time realizing how unhealthy it is for me to spend so much time alone, especially when im not usually one to sit around by myself.
     
  16. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    Not all frats are the same and not all the people in them are bad. You would be surprised how cool some of the people in frats. It is like everything else though in the fact that there are always douchebags. You also have to shop around and find a frat that fits you. You don't have to play sports to be in one but this might make some frats not want you. But some frats want what they call a gentleman. Which just means you are chill, classy dude.
     
  17. JudyVu

    JudyVu New Member

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    Keep on keepin on, man. My son has managed to, with a VERY high IQ, flunk out of college: first semester, 1 B and 3 Fs. Second semester, 4 Cs; 3rd semester, 4 Fs. Believe me, forget about the social aspect right now. Get that degree, because I PROMISE you your life with then blossom in every single way.
     
  18. Noel

    Noel New Member

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    Try volunteering instead, its a social goldmine.

    Every school has student org's like Habitat for Humanity, Amnesty, etc. Most schools also have service based volunteering opportunities like a food bank, walk-safe service or charity event committee.

    The advantage of volunteering is that it's something to actually physically DO, instead of a lot of clubs that are run by people with little leadership skills or agendas.

    My 1st year I signed up for my schools walk-safe service which basically walked girls home late at night through dark neighborhoods. Took a whole night once a week, unpaid, sometimes in freezing weather but it was completely worth it. Every week I was partnered with someone random, so you spend the whole night chatting with them while also meeting all the people you walk home. The whole experience really sharpened my social skills.

    An even bigger advantage of College volunteering is that theres usually a big focus on having fun. yeah sure, you're there to actually help other people and contribute to your community, but when you put a bunch of 20-yr olds in charge of something there's bound to be shenanigans. Most of the things I volunteered for had monthly socials, which gave an excuse to party with the people you "worked" with.
     
  19. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    :eek3: DUDE, I am so checking to see if my uni offers that sounds awesome, plus I'm a big guy, might as well put it to use.
     
  20. 2397

    2397 OT Supporter

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    Don't let the fact that you're graduating soon keep you from trying to enjoy yourself during the remainder of your time there. Also, who says you won't see them after you graduate? It really depends on who you meet, right? Even if you don't make any enduring friendships, being social again will feel nice. I think you should still put forth the effort. I second the volunteering idea, also.
     
  21. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    No they don't. If he is getting an AS then I have to assume he is at a community college. CC's have almost nothing. Maybe a few programs but nothing like USF where you have anything you can think of.
     
  22. Noel

    Noel New Member

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    Well if he does go to community college then maybe this thread is void.

    Maybe cc IS supposed to be like that :dunno:
     
  23. RebootEnzo

    RebootEnzo New Member

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    I guess. It sucks though to see how many resources a big school has..

    They have some really fun clubs.. BBQ club, videogame, sports, chess :bowdown:
     
  24. nvrmndtheruins

    nvrmndtheruins New Member

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    I wish there was a BBQ club, id rock the shit out of that!

    I go to a private pretty big university, the clubs are all like racial and stuff like that for the most part. I dont think i can join the Jamaican club (though they are seeking members :cool:)
     
  25. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Talk to some of your classmates. Suggest shit like working on the homework assignments together. Go to the local student's bar, meet new people. Join some campus clubs.

    That's not just what college is like, that's what the real world is like.
     

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