Is being nice even a good thing?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Kalypso, Jun 15, 2008.

  1. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    I'm really starting to wonder.

    Disclaimer- Post is not about getting laid. Getting laid and getting into a long term relationship are very different, and I really don't care that much about getting laid.

    And no, by nice I don't mean boring, or unfunny, or someone who can't stand up for themselves, etc. We all know those are negative traits. I'm just honestly wondering if avoiding confrontation, treating other people like you'd like to be treated, and generally giving a damn and trying are even positive traits anymore.

    Everyone I know in long-term relationships treats their partner like relative shit, compared to what I'd expect. Creating arguments, confrontations, fights, etc. I can't imagine picking a fight with my spouse, I literally don't think I'd be capable of doing it. I can bring something up that needs to be discussed and might not be the happiest of discussions, but to instigate a fight just for the fuck of it... I just can't imagine doing it. But I see everyone else do it. All the time.

    Most of the people I know (Including myself) who are predominantly single are nice. They treat people well, they don't cause problems, and they try to make everything better. And what do they get for it? Being single.

    I just don't get it. Everyone says they want a nice guy, but do you, really? Every dickhead I know has been in constant relationships since they were 15, and have no problem getting women. Every nice guy I know has hell getting a girlfriend. It's almost the same with nice women as well.

    I don't know, I'm just confused I suppose. The more of a dick I am, the more successful I seem to be, but I hate being a dick. Why is it that people tend to abuse and cast aside people who are nice, instead of just enjoying it?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    One of my bf's biggest flaws is that he is too nice. He's a people pleaser at heart and while it can be a huge downfall for him in many ways it's one of the things I love most about him. I noticed it immediately from the start. He hates confrontation and will usually just let someone win the debate (except with me :rofl:).

    However, his niceness has never once made me go "ugh, I wish he was a dick to me!" I love that he treats me amazing, whether I'm upset, pissed, crying, whatever. I wouldn't be with him if he was a jerk.
     
  3. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    sounds like me
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Man, where the f have you been? I was just thinking about you and wondering how things were.

    Sorry for the thread derail. PM me if you want to chat.
     
  5. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    being nice is a good thing but you have to have some boundaries on that, in a relationship girls will take advantage of that just like everyone else. I keep telling myself that it's important to just be up front with your lady about it and just flatout say "Listen, im a nice guy, sometimes im overly nice.. im a people pleaser and with someone I am with it can tend to be a little extreme at times but im down to earth too and you can tell me im a pussy and snap me out of it when you see it cross the line".

    If you find a cool chick who's been there done that she'll love it as long as you're cool about it and have your boundaries. Dont turn into the nice guy, dont be the dick.. there's a happy place between there and I think to sum it up in one word is to be in every definition .. "Compassionate".

    Or maybe im talking out of my ass
     
  6. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    The guy I'm with now to me is perfect, he'll bend over backwards for me so long as I'm happy, but he's not one to please the rest of the world. When it comes to defending me or himself its not a problem. So when it comes to being nice it doesn't have to mean being a wimp and not taking up for yourself in any situation physical or not. Find a nice girl who is tired or being treated like shit and treat her like a princess. Have a backbone and don't let her walk all over you, let her know your equals.
     
  7. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Avoiding confrontation is a good way to screw yourself over in general...

    I mean, you're describing the typical "nice guy" but adding a sense of humor.
     
  8. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I wish i could find a nice guy.... Usually they are in hiding around me, or dont show interest. It kinda sucks. I would take a nicer guy over a douchebag any day.
     
  9. deleterious

    deleterious OT Supporter

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    I feel the same way.
     
  10. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    And actually.... this one kid i started talking to decided to do the whole "mystery dating method" on me.. I thought he was a douche and promptly forgot about him after we conversated once. He ended up calling me back after some little trip he took to talk, and I couldn't remember him.. lol

    But after getting to know him, he was just a cool dorky kid in reality, but decided to use that method...

    From what I heard about that, insulting the girl is a big part of it, and when he tried that, I got angry and decided he wasn't worth my time.. lol
     
  11. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    That's pretty much who I am. I hate to sound immodest but everyone tells me I'm funny, I know I'm intelligent, my last girlfriend was absolutely top shelf and she thought I was cute, so it can't really be any of those things that are the problem.

    The only problem I seem to notice is that I'm nice. I hate confrontation with someone I care about, I avoid it at all costs unless it's necessary. I hate being mean, in most all of its forms, and I generally just want to make the people around me happy, because the happier the people I care about are the happier I am. However, this seems to fuck me over more and more, the more I think about it. I'm starting to think that my last relationship didn't work out because I wasn't a dick. All her previous boyfriends were, pretty much.

    I just hate that it's such a bad thing. I'm not boring, I just don't like negativity. And for some reason, that just gets me taken advantage of by everyone, it gets almost no appreciation at all.

    My best friends ex said at one point "I'm just trying to have a fight, and it feels like you're not letting me," that describes what I'm talking about almost perfectly. He's the same way, he hates confrontation and he was avoiding it, and she got so pissed about it that she actually vocalized that she wanted to be in a fight at the moment.
     
  12. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I am a nice guy too... and often is screws me over.

    If I wanted to, I could be a total scum bag to women and only care about getting them into bed. I know a lot of guys that walk around cocky, treat women like property, and drop them when they are bored... and they get a pretty solid amount of ass because of this and surprisingly carry on relationships.
    In high school I used to treat girls like crap. Only care about myself, be pretty selfish with the relationships, followed the "treat them like dirt and they'll stick to you like mud" philosophy.

    I grew out of that though. Yeah, it works but it only attracts a certain breed of females and ultimately blows up in your face. I don't want to be that guy. I would rather act the way I want to act (be a gentleman, be caring, and overall nice and respectful) and attract the quality of women I prefer... as opposed to being a jerk and just getting pussy from insecure, attention whores with daddy issues.

    It's funny though, because with my last ex when I was a jerk to her I had her wrapped around my finger (not something I am proud of). It wasn't until I started being a nice guy that she threw my being a jerk in the past back in my face and wanted to end the relationship. :rofl:
    Then I was ultimately wrapped around her finger, lol. Strange how that works.

    Point is; being a jerk works.... No one can deny that. But it only works for so long and with certain girls. In my experience, I would much rather be a decent guy and wait it out for a good quality girl that can appreciate that.

    I can't stress enough the distinction between being a jerk and just being confident and demanding a certain respect from people.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2008
  13. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    This is one "nice guy" trait that doesn't carry over with me now. I used to be a jerk, now I consider myself a nice guy but I don't let people walk all over me. I am very out spoken if something bothers me and I have no problem confronting anyone; be it a boss, girl on a date, LTR, friend, or stranger.

    If you know how to handle a confrontation it can be a very good thing. You not only let others know you're not a push over, but you assert yourself in a manner that allows others to respect you more.
     
  14. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    Likewise. I don't have confidence issues, whenever I say I'm a nice guy people assume a lot of things that aren't true. Being nice seems to be almost as much of a deterrent as not having any confidence though, which is ridiculous.
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well that sounds like you were a pushover. My bf (as I mentioned) is a "nice guy" but he doesn't let me just win any debates or arguments we have. That's boring.

    And I remember your I guess now ex. She is the typical kind of girl that always dates the asshole because she likes to be pushed around. You shouldn't beat yourself up, she wasn't worth it anyway.
     
  16. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    .

    I don't know where being a "nice guy" went from just being "respectful, polite, and caring" to being "boring, pushover, and little bitch".

    Two very different things there. Why people want to associate the two together now is beyond me.
     
  17. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    Because the guys that are boring, pushovers, and little bitches like to justify their behavior by claiming to be a "nice guy". The label is self-applied. If you want to talk about someone who's respectful, polite, and caring, use the word "gentleman" as it is harder to misinterpret.
     
  18. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Good point :bigthumb:
     
  19. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Avoiding confrontation is closer to being a coward than it is to being nice.
     
  20. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Women like to be put in their place by a strong man.

    Women are addicted to drama. Why do you think so many women watch soap operas and chick flicks where drama are the main components.

    Nice guys don't bring drama to the table.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yep, that's exactly what it is. I can't count how many times I've read a guy say "I'm so nice!!!!" or "nice guys finish last" and when you ask what happened they basically start to write word for word how they were total pushovers who let the girl have and do whatever she wanted. Those kinds of guys deserve it IMO :dunno: If you can't stand up for yourself you don't deserve respect.

    So true. We all love drama, soap operas and chick flicks, right ladies!? :hsugh:
     
  23. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    I dated the "nice" guy... very briefly.
    Then I realized he seems so nice because he didn't have an opinion of anything... he didn't say much or do much so there wasn't anything to dislike!!!

    A man that is truly a catch (IMO) is one that is respectful, thoughtful, and courteous... but will speak up if it is necessary. You don't have to be a pushover and boring. Character is essential. Everything is better with balance.
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That used to be me, but I didn't have opinions on things from lack of life experience, not because I was too coward to voice what I liked. Some guys just need to learn how to live before they find out who they are.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well put. Nothing more annoying than a guy who doesn't have an opinion of his own. I don't want to date some pussy "yes man."
     

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