Is an affair of the mind worse than an affair that includes fucking?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by johnny, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. johnny

    johnny shit, baby

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,657
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MSP
    If your SO got to know someone intimately, but without physical/sexual contact, would this really hurt you?

    I have a new homie :hs:
     
  2. johnny

    johnny shit, baby

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,657
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MSP
    a GIRL homie, before you get any ideas :o
     
  3. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2004
    Messages:
    8,258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UC Santa Cruz
    thats what they all say.
     
  4. johnny

    johnny shit, baby

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,657
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MSP
    [​IMG]
     
  5. scent of a wookie

    scent of a wookie OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2004
    Messages:
    13,244
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Western, MD
    yes, it would hut me, but not worse than something physical...both would be deal-breakers
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I have experienced it (supposedly it did not include a lot of physical contact but I am still skeptical to this day about that part). It was devestating to me and our relationship. It took literally years for me to get over but I still tense up when I hear her name or something reminds me of that time.

    To be perfectly honest I would have preferred him not to be so close emotionally with her and just have had a 'normal' affair.

    Tell your woman the truth and don't hide stuff like this from her. If you don't want to be with her anymore than be a man and break it off. If you do want to be with her you will end all contact with this other woman immediately.
    Good luck and I feel sorry for your SO. :hs:
     
  7. Soybomb

    Soybomb New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    9,041
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Whats the harm in someone being close to other people as long as you're not losing affection or closeness yourself?
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    The chance of you not losing the closeness you have with your SO seems to be slim to none. Being close friends with other people is perfectly fine but there is a line that should not be crossed (which is what I'm assuming the threadstarter is talking about).
     
  9. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2006
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    it hurts just as bad when they're emotionally attatched to some other girl and is always talking to her and with her, it makes you feel so inadequate and like shit.
     
  10. johnny

    johnny shit, baby

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,657
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MSP
    See, I like this woman, but she is involved too. I think we both have too much of an investment in our SO's to let it go too far. I'm sure of it, in fact. I think the dynamic we have (my new special friend I mean) is something exciting to both of us, sort of a thing that COULD happen in another circumstance :dunno:
     
  11. taintedutopia

    taintedutopia New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2006
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah well sometimes you think that and then you find yourself leaving your SO and then feeling stupid about it when your dragging your ass back to her with regret. and she might not forgive. not being mean just truthful.
     
  12. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    7,705
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Another reality apparently
    Thats a dangerous mindset to have when you are with someone else. What happens next time when it is possible, or what happens when something happens unexpectedly in one of your relationships leaving you open to the other?
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    4,413
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NOVA
    You're both involved? You're looking around? Sounds like you need to dump your SO.

    For the record, flirting with taken women is disrespectful IMO. Go find a nice single woman and don't mess someone else's relationship up.
     
  14. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2005
    Messages:
    2,947
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    upstate ny
    bingo


    my gf (well sort of ex) was like that with this kid never cheated on me, but constant late night phone calls, confided with him deeply, way more than any other friends....and it just made me feel like absolute shit. I would be overher house, and she's sitting their waiting for his call till like 11-12 at night. Thank god I got out of that situation.
     
  15. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    its a tough call. its like forbiding her to have a best friend. it all depends on how it affects yoru relationship, not your ego...
     
  16. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    What are you getting out of the relationship, that you aren't getting out of the one with your SO? I suggest you work on that within your relationship. It's disrespectful to your SO to be seeking what you are getting emotional or physical from anyone else. The purpous of having a relationship is looking to eachother for all of those things. THEY should be your soft place to fall. Not getting half of it all and looking elsewhere...
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Generally, women are more upset by emotional infidelity than men, and men are more upset by sexual infidelity than women. So, no matter how much you you reassure a gf that this other girl is just a friend, she may see it as a big thing.

    And from the whole little spiel you wrote about the exciting dynamic...you should probably not see this woman. It sounds like it could be dangerous to both of your relationships.
     
  18. johnny

    johnny shit, baby

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2005
    Messages:
    4,657
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MSP
    We don't "flirt" so much as we "click" :hs:

    I don't think we can be friends anymore though.
     
  19. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    6,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in your balloon knot
    yes, it would.

    the severity of the hurt would depend on the severity of the emotional relationship...but i think it could definitely hurt more than a physical relationship.
     
  20. toolfan

    toolfan OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2005
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think a one night stand is a lot less painful than an extended relationship whether physical or not. The thing that will hurt the most is if you lie about your feelings for this girl and then your SO finds out the truth. Just be honest with your SO and see how she feels about it or just ditch the friend. Plus there is no such think as a platonic relationship so dont even try to fool urself.
     
  21. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    I think if you have to question anything, then clearly it's probably wrong to begin with.
     
  22. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    7,065
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    . :wtc:
     
  23. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Only if you actually believe that any one person can be everything another person needs at all times. It's interesting that the increase in divorce rate started right around the same time as the redefinition of the "meaningful relationship" (specifically as two people being completely intertwined with each other in every possible way) back in the late 60's/early 70's. Why? Because only very, very stereotypical people fit their molds well enough to find a perfect match in another person -- and in case you haven't noticed, our society hates stereotypical people.
     
  24. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    16,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, Jacksonville
    I would be hurt for sure, but not near as much as if she acted on it physically.

    The minute that other person is put before me, the minute that I am not the number one man in her life, that is when I am hurt and I would have to question our love.

    The fact of the matter is, you do choose who you fall for. Any person can resist anyone. There is not someone so irresistible that you can not refrain from getting close to that person. It is a choice plain and simple.

    If you have chosen to have a new "homie", then you have put that person over your SO and her feelings. Think about what you are doing.
     
  25. Solus Emsu

    Solus Emsu ****** U N R A T E D ! ****** -----THAT'S HOW I RO

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2003
    Messages:
    16,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, Jacksonville

    :werd:
     

Share This Page