SRS Interesting Relationship Development *long*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BadKat, May 20, 2008.

  1. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    So, some of you may be aware of my own situation in the romance department.

    BT (short for Boy Toy, my nickname for my "friend") and I have had an interesting couple of months. From the initial hook up that resulted after months of office flirtations, he's changed jobs in order to spend more time with me, has become more attentive than he had been in the past and has shown that he's a genuinely nice and caring guy.

    The thing about us is that we're both coming out of long-term committed relationships. He still lives with his Ex (they share an apartment and are just biding time until their lease is up before they both move on to new places) and I still live in the house I shared with my Ex. Neither one of us was looking for a new relationship, it sort of just happened. We've both agreed that we're not rebounds and we both care a lot about each other. He comes over to my place every chance he gets (I have a 3 year old, it makes it hard to get out).

    In the beginning I was bending over backwards, making myself available for him as much as possible, really putting myself out there to the point where it was making me nuts. I don't know if it's finally feeling confident in our relationship, but that's calmed down a LOT. I don't purposefully make myself available;for instance, Saturday he called wanting to see me, but I was out with a friend and told him I wasn't going to change my plans just to spend some time with him and we could do it another time, when weeks ago, I would have dropped everything. Since I've gotten more and more confident with the relationship and comfortable with things, it's like he's the one suddenly getting a little more "crazy", for lack of a better term.

    He's made a few comments about some of my guy friends, for which I called him on, telling him that 1. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend and 2. He had no reason to be jealous. His response was that sometimes a little competition is alright (meaning for my attention, not romantically) and that I'm the type of girl who's deffinitly worth gettng jealous over. He made a comment about our "commitment" to which I responded that we were both free to do what we wanted until we both made signifcant moves (moving into our own places) and he was a little taken aback. Apparently he thought that we were committed, which is fine, I'm not sleeping with anyone else, but that doesn't mean I'm not free to go on a date with someone, or flirt with someone else. I made this clear to him during that conversation.

    Well, over the weekend, he was telling me about how his parents are gearing up to renew their wedding vows. They live in Montana, he lives here in Seattle. They've purchased two tickets for him, even though they don't know about me, and know that he and his "roommate" are no longer together. They told him to just hang on to the second ticket in case he wanted to bring someone along. Their renewal ceremony is in September. He was telling me about the place and the city and said "well, you've driven through it, so you sort of know what I"m talking about". I informed him that I did not drive through Montana on my move out here and have never been. A bit later in the convo he just came out and said "Do you want to go with me?".

    I was honestly lost for words. I told him I'd like to think about it, see where we are come closer to the time. That I also had to think about what I would do with my daughter for the 5 days we would be in Montana (if I would go).

    It just seems like such a large step. It would mean meeting his entire family, which I would love to do eventually, but we would only have been together roughly 6 months by then. Is that too soon? Is it too soon for him to even be suggesting I go with him? :confused:
     
  2. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    My husband met my parents the first time he met me in person, I met his parents 2 weeks later, then a large portion of his family after 3 months (at his brothers' graduation party.. But by 6 months we were living together, so we did move pretty quick).

    I guess it all depends where you are in your relationship after the 6 months. Are you going to be committed? Do you see yourself wanting to take that step? etc. He sounds like he wants to be 100% exclusive (the jealousy, asking you to go, taken aback when you said that you guys weren't yet). He's seeing a future with you.

    So I would say wait it out a little bit and see where things go. See how you feel about taking that trip, or how you feel about your relationship at that point in time.
     
  3. energie

    energie I like to place an order.. the name? Situation the

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    if your just Friends like you say you are, Then it will be him just bringing a friend. Think nothing more of it and nothing else.


    you and him are both friends and are FWB essentially but more of seeing each other.


    if you make it more then it is it will be. he wants you to come cause he seems to be growing attached and you are not the same way. He wants you to come cause he feels the need to bring somoen cause he has two tickets.


    and you are the closest thing he has to a GF so he decided to ask you.

    since you treat him as a friend or "1/2 bf" there shouldnt be a reason you shoudl care about going to meet his family. i have friends(girls/guys) that have met my parents right away and alot of my family and no1's said anything.


    its more of a problem with you and how you feel. if he tells his family she's just a friend and you feel like oh hey im a gf feeling then its your problem.
     
  4. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    I wouldn't classify it as FWB's, actually.

    I guess I've just always viewed meeting family as a big step, especially if you have to travel to meet them. It took 3 months of serious dating before my Ex-Fiance introduced me to his parents. And with my Ex, because of our circumstances, I didn't meet the parents until after we were engaged.

    I want to take things slow with this guy, because I can see a long-term relationship with this person. I guess I was just a little taken aback by him asking me to go, but I don't want to go if it's just a "you know, I feel like I have to take someone" thing :dunno:

    I guess it's going to be a matter of waiting until closer to the ceremony before a decision is made.
     
  5. sneakmefood

    sneakmefood Olé

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    waht do you consider "meeting the parents"? for me, in the beginning of most relationships i'll simply meet them and say hi just to introduce myself. that doesn't necessarily mean that you have a long sitdown talk with them. in fact, they dont always even know you're dating the SO.

    i think its always good to meet family early on so they at least know who you are and you get a feel for them as well.
     
  6. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    well, we'd be going for several days. It's the wedding vowel renewal, which is why it kinda freaked me out a little that he asked me to go. We'd basically be spending the ENTIRE time with his family, meaning parents, his sister and her kids, and any other family that's there, not to mention family friends. I mean, if we lived closer or something, and it would just be a quick random introduction, fine. But this just seems much more formal/serious than a "Oh hi, nice to meet you" considering the amount of time we'd be spending with them.
     
  7. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Due to family makeup timing is different for every family but 6 months is plenty.
     

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