Instant messenger, use it or not?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by SHIFT_blue, May 12, 2008.

  1. SHIFT_blue

    SHIFT_blue OT Supporter

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    From what Ive gathered from here, its not good to chat it up with a girl you like on instant messenger too much. Is this true? Should I avoid the instant messenger chat? Or can it be of any value? I havent begun the messenger chatting yet.
     
  2. skych

    skych New Member

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    don't see why you shouldn't use it, just try to have actual conversations, not just "so... how ya doin...." wasteful chatter
     
  3. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    avoid it. such an ineffective method of talking/getting to know someone.
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Avoid, it lacks depth emotion and feeling, you can't transmit tone and intent
     
  5. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Often girls will say shit they wouldnt say other wise while on the phone or in person... all depends on how you approch things....
     
  6. Taker

    Taker 找死吗?

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    i only use it for "logistic" reasons

    setting up dates, etc etc
     
  7. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I used it in the beginning of my relationship, and it really made a lot of things happen for us because we were too nervous to really speak the things we wanted to say. Used correctly, it can be effective.
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    agreed. just dont make it your only method of communication, let it be one of many
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I see it as being good to set things up.

    But as far as actual conversations...if you both have free time to chat, and are reasonably close to each other, why not hang out in person instead of chatting online?
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's the same if not worse than phone IMO to have useless constant chit chat via IM before you are actually with someone.
     
  11. Dionysus

    Dionysus New Member

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    I don't see a problem with it
     
  12. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    The first conversations I had with my now girlfriend were over IM. She was a friend of a friend on facebook, and I messaged her, straight up expressing my interest in her. We talked a few times over IM, then I met her when she invited me to go climbing with her and a few of her friends. Due to busyness in life, for the next few months the only interactions we had were through IM - we talked maybe once or twice a month, but conversations were always good. Suddenly we just started talking more, then started hanging out a lot, then suddenly were dating.

    So, as far as I'm concerned, IM is a fine way to get to know somebody.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I do remember my SO IMing first. However, he said hello and I think we had a 5 minute IM convo before he asked for my number. I gave it to him and he called me right there and asked me on a date. We talked via IM maybe 3 times after that-all hello's and chit chats but we had already started dating by then.

    There's a difference in chatting with someone via IM that you're already dating and chatting once a day (or a few times a day) about nothing to someone you haven't had the guts to ask out yet.
     
  14. Justin636

    Justin636 Active Member

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    My SO and I chat everyday on IM while we are at work :dunno:. Never really used it prior to our relationship though.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    bad idea imo
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    the medium isn't this magical thing that affects your interaction.

    can you use AIM to further your goals with a girl?

    yes

    can you use AIM to your own detriment with a girl?

    yes
     
  17. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Agreed.

    My s/o and I talked online a lot before we actually started hanging out on a regular basis. And even once we were hanging out, we would facebook each other all the time/talk online instead of calling.

    I don't really see what's wrong with it. I can understand if you ONLY talk to them online, but then that's not really building a real relationship, but an online friend.
     
  18. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    what needs to be said has been said

    better than no contact at all, but even texting is better
     
  19. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I REALLY like AIM after we've been dating a bit. You can have conversations that might be uncomfortable in any other setting. It was an indispensable tool in getting to know my last bf who was shy in discussing ideology/religion/ideas etc
     
  20. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    its a great way to find out if friends of yours are in to you... more than one friend turned in to a FB for a while...
     
  21. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    You're oversimplifying. The first time my now g/f and I talked on IM, we talked for 3 hours. A day later, we talked for another 2. As I said, I was very straight forward with her about my interest in her when I messaged her, so it's not that I didn't have the guts, but IM was still the best choice for conversation for many reasons.

    1) I was just some random guy that messaged her on facebook. She was interested in talking to me, but first wanted to get a feel for what kind of person I was, and also have time to check with our mutual friend (through whom I found this girl) to make sure I was a good person.

    2) We have different phone providers, so we didn't want to burn through minutes.

    3) It was casual and convenient. We were both busy during that time and we didn't really have the time to meet up. We probably shouldn't have talked for as long as we did, but conversation flowed very easily. Regardless, we lived (and still do live) 40 minutes away from each other. Meeting up would have taken even more time. It's much simpler to get back to work immediately upon ending an IM conversation.
     
  22. dazmanultra

    dazmanultra New Member

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    I used to use IM a lot, but now I'd rather talk on the phone or in person.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My point was that there are and even have been guys who posted in this forum who said they met a girl and for some reason the first thing they got was her IM name. Once they got it they would IM her every time they were on at the same time and just chit chat, not that chit chat is bad...but after weeks of doing it they never asked the girl out once, just kept going "I don't know if she likes me..."

    Obviously talking on IM is pretty commonplace now and that's fine, but there are some people (like the OP) who aren't the greatest at conversing with women so then they turn to the internet. There have been others in the thread who have said IM is great for shy people, and they are right-the internet in general is great for "shy people," but it should in no way be used as a crutch.

    If the OP talks to this new girl via IM all the time but never follows her signs of flirting and/or never asks her out than it was a huge waste. Your situation with your gf is obviously different from the TS. You two knew up front how you felt about eahc other and you used IM since it was technically not a short distance relationship.
     
  24. uwofrost

    uwofrost New Denver Crew

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    Only use it as a tool.... Crutch = Fail


    If you feel like she is flirting its time to move it to the next level and ASK HER OUT OR TO DO SOMETHING. anything... coffee, Dinner, A Movie, Drinks (if your of age), and breakfast if the Drinks go really well.
     
  25. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    I talked to my girlfriend a whole lot on AIM right when we started dating.

    It is very convenient.
     

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